1. There is a dorm roommate who is too lazy to leave the dormitory when he goes to school, and his clothes are soaked in the bucket of the dormitory and he does not wash them for a week. One day, I suddenly noticed that there was no odor in the bucket and asked him curiously:

1. There is a dorm roommate who is too lazy to leave the dormitory when he goes to school, and his clothes are soaked in the bucket of the dormitory and he does not wash them for a week. One day, I suddenly found that there was no odor in the bucket, and asked him curiously: "How come your clothes have not been washed for such a long time and have no smell?" The goods came back to me in seconds: "Big brother, I change the water regularly!" "Instantly I can't make friends!"

2, the classmate party, just a person did not arrive, we ordered first, the restaurant quickly put the dishes together, waited for a long time the classmates still did not come, we did not hold back, we ate first. Until all the plates reached the bottom, the waiter quickly collected all the empty plates. At this time, the classmate just arrived, he looked at the empty table, busy said: "I'm really sorry, let everyone wait for a long time, order!" This meal I please! We didn't even explain what we said, but silently picked up the menu again.

3, before going to bed, I said to my wife: "You see the current cute girl talking is good, followed by an overlapping word, such as: eating, sleeping, banana banana, bread bun... How comfortable it sounds. My wife gave me a dismissive look and said, "I will do the same." I looked at my wife suspiciously and said, "You too?" Let's hear it? The wife gritted her teeth and said, "Don't nag! ”

4. This morning, I went to the hospital opposite the community to buy plasters. When I got there, I asked the nurse if the medicine was taken before or after meals, and she ignored me. I asked again: Nurse, is this medicine taken before or after meals? The nurse glared at me. I was angry: Nurse, can't you hear? The person next to me pulled me aside: Dude, that's the plaster.

5, the weekend at home bored, about a few buddies to go out to play, until lunchtime, everyone is hungry. A buddy said: I remember that there was a restaurant that was very good, and it was discounted! As a result, the service to the restaurant is poor, the serving is slow, several dishes are not available, and it is very difficult to eat, and it is quite expensive. So the crowd will elect the buddies of the hotel a stinky scolding, saying what a gem discount... This buddy bowed his head and followed everyone out of the hotel, looked back and immediately fainted: I thought it was "folding"! It turned out that the wall of the hotel was written in a big white pen - demolition! And scolded by everyone...

6, once with the buddies a few restaurants to drink, a buddy said: come to two boxes to drink first, drink can not be returned on the line? The waiter said: If you want to finish, don't give it back. The brothers resolutely returned to the private room, the brothers shouted to the waiter to ask for a bottle of beer, the brothers were full, and then another bottle, another bottle, a bottle, and then the waiter hugged two boxes and said: You can't drink it!

7, eating in the restaurant, next to the table two brothers finished eating called to pay the bill, the waiter came over, you spend a total of three hundred and one pieces of five! Then they both started pulling out their wallets and saying I'm coming to give them to me! The waiter was hesitating not knowing who to take, and they both said in unison: I have a piece of five...

8, I accompanied my girlfriend to the mall, she found a dress of good quality, but also very cheap. She said to me: Come and see this dress, it is the most fashionable in society recently. Me: Yes. However, this costume will fade after the sun is sunburned. Her: No, the salesman said, it's been on the shelves for three full years, and the colors are still so bright.

9, today and the roommate to go to dinner, is the first to pay the bill and then take the meal, the landlord back a satchel, in the money at the same time clipped a set out of the case, I lined up behind the roommate and waiter so many people, in front of the standing a few girls, not to mention how embarrassed, this is not the climax, the climax is that there is a girl with a red face to help me pick up and hand it to me, that look at me I am drunk.

10, this summer is unusually hot, the weather temperature is very high every day, outdoor dry and hot Nan Nai. The company recently opened a new swimming pool below, and discussed with colleagues to skip work to swim. The two of us changed our clothes and walked into the pool happily to find that the leadway was already soaking. The three of them looked at each other, and the leader said: The company sent me to be on duty to see if there was anyone who sneaked down to swim. I was very clever, and I said: You have received this task too? I thought I was the only one. At this time, the colleague answered with tears in his eyes: I have been volunteering to check the post for many years, and today I finally found the organization!

11, a sister knows that her husband has three children after not crying and no trouble, just to the child to report two interest classes, to do two beauty cards for themselves, to the two elderly and bought an accident insurance, they bought their own brand-name bags and clothes, her husband is not super rich, this expense can not be based on the family can only be poor on the small three, so the small three dissatisfaction of the two people are not happy and scattered. The sisters only said one sentence afterwards: Oh, and I spend money? ~~

12, Lao Wang is more than 80 years old this year, and at the beginning of the year, he ran to Daling to marry a little girl in her 20s. Friends all said to Lao Wang: "So young, it is really a wronged little girl!" Lao Wang listened very unconvincingly and said, "Fuck! Her grandfather was two years younger than me, and I had to pretend to be a grandson in front of him...]

13, at that time, my brother was still young, and my neighbor's brother was much older than me. I'll just do 1 plus 1 equals 2, and he'll do 10,000 plus 10,000 equals twenty thousand. I admire that he can do that much. He also said that when he goes to college, he will know how much 100 million plus 100 million is...

14, taking advantage of the female boss on a business trip, I deliberately brought the company's most beautiful female colleagues to the restaurant where we usually eat, usually signed, so I have no scruples when I order. At checkout, the waiter said 3999, the female colleague was surprised, I smiled lightly and said to the waiter: "Sign the order!" The waiter looked at me and said, "It takes a lady!" The female colleague was stunned, and when she took the list and was about to write, the waiter said: "Not you!" I hurriedly said, "You forgot, I often come!" The waiter thought for a moment and said, "I'll call for instructions!" "Originally I thought she asked the restaurant manager, but the phone call was directly to the female boss, and after a few minutes, the waiter said that I could sign the order, and I was secretly relieved, and I was full of face in front of the female colleague. In the evening, she wanted to come home with me, and I always felt that something was wrong, so I refused. The next day, the female boss came back from a business trip, the first thing was to punish me for kneeling on the keyboard, but the pocket money of 20 yuan a day was not deducted, and she sneered: "Fortunately, you did not go home with her!" ”