#Funny# New Year home, the relationship of the road, I took a colleague to go together, when the service area, parking to go to the toilet, I waited for a long time did not see him come back, I went to the service area to find him, did not expect him to eat secretly in the restaurant! I wonder if I'll ever take his luggage out.
My girlfriend was very willful, and she asked me: Will you listen to me in the future?
In order to make her happy, I replied: Of course, the heavens and the earth are big, and the wife is the biggest.
Girlfriend: Then you jump out of the window now.
Me: What are you kidding, it's the fifth floor, no.
Girlfriend: Look, he also said he loved me, and he listened to me everything, and if my ex-boyfriend didn't hesitate to jump.
Me: Your ex was so nice to you, so why did you break up with him?
Girlfriend: Er... he...
Me: Oh, I see.
On the bus, there were many people, at this time the car suddenly braked sharply, a standing girl did not hold steady, sat on the lap of a boy next to him, the boy shouted in pain: Ah ~ my egg is broken! The girl said in horror: It won't be so serious... As soon as he finished speaking, he saw the boy trembling and pulling out two broken tea eggs from his trouser pocket.
The daughter-in-law is pregnant, the mother wants to know whether she is pregnant with a boy or a girl, they all say sour children and hot girls, the mother asks the daughter-in-law: do you want to eat sour or spicy. The daughter-in-law said embarrassedly: Mom, I want to eat chutney powder.
A village held a meeting to discuss how to improve the funeral system, and one person said: I suggest that the coffin be cancelled and buried directly, so as to save money and land. Another said: In my opinion, we should bury it vertically, so as to save land. At this time, some people expressed their own views: either bury it vertically, only half of it, so that the tombstones will be saved.
The first time I went to see my girlfriend's parents, as soon as his father saw me, he said: Boy, I see that you have great ambitions, and you will become a great instrument in the future. I was exaggerated, smiled and said, "Uncle, how do you see it?" Her father took a sip of tea, and then said: Look at your bear-like appearance, and dare to look at my daughter, it shows that you are not a simple person.
During the New Year, if you don't receive the red envelope I sent, then please don't doubt the feelings between us, I just bought some A shares last year, if you don't pick it, I will give it to you.
My friend found a fat girlfriend, and one day he got drunk, and we teased him: Why are you looking for such a fat girlfriend. He smiled and said: It's good to find a fat girlfriend, open the same bride price, and pick the biggest one.
On a girl's self-cultivation, take a selfie of three thousand, and take only one sheet to dry.
Colleagues asked me: Have you ever been chased, can you share some experience? Me: Of course, I have been chased several times, and there is a dog in the alley next to my house, which is so fierce that it only chased me three streets yesterday.
I smoked five packs of Zhonghua in a row, and finally remembered why I couldn't lose weight no matter how I exercised, because a few years ago when we were separated, you said two words to me: take care.
In the relationship, if you are serious and he is not serious, it is like you play a game, you practice to the full level, and he deletes the number.
The first time my girlfriend cooked, I secretly swore that no matter how hard she did it, I would finish eating, which was a kind of encouragement to her, until I reached for the steamed crab, and the crab stretched out its pliers to clamp my chopsticks.
Last night I had a dream that I had become a multimillionaire, but it didn't bode well, because I used to dream that I was a billionaire.
To avoid tears when cutting the onion, I cut it with my eyes closed, and I ended up in tears because I cut it.
On a cold day, a big mother saw a child sitting alone in the green belt of the community shivering, so she went forward to ask: Children, why don't you stay at home and sit here on such a cold day? The child replied: My parents are arguing. Big Mom: It's so bad, who is your dad? Kid: That's why they quarrel.
After entering the society, I found that others can fight for their fathers and mothers, while I can only fight for xixi.
Do you know, men, are people with stories, men who come home early, tell stories to their wives, men who come home late, make up stories for their wives.
Last night the roommate about to eat barbecue, came back in the middle of the night, drank a lot of wine, the roommate helped me go back, to the dormitory, I was unconscious, and when I woke up at night and found that I was very thirsty, I picked up the chaotic spring water at the foot of the bed and twisted it open, drank a big mouthful and then fell asleep, and the next day the roommate exclaimed: I especially last night urine full of a large bottle of "iced tea" How is there only half a bottle! I woke up suddenly and looked at the full bottle of mineral water under the bed and fell into thought.
I remember once, the company leader's old father died, colleagues spontaneously organized to go to the cemetery to send the old man, in order to appear serious, everyone wore a black suit, the leader was very moved, arranged a bus to send everyone back to the city, the road rained slippery, the bus accidentally rear-ended a city off-road, from the car down four big men rushed to the car theory, the result of a car to see us after the stupid eyes.
That year, he had thousands of pieces, he bought Apple 7, I also had thousands, and I chose to set up a stall, the next year, he had thousands of pieces, he bought Apple 8, I had opened my own small shop, the third year, he had thousands of pieces, he bought Apple 10, I had opened my own company, the fourth year, he had thousands of pieces, bought Apple 10, I bought my own house and car, and married a beautiful daughter-in-law, in the fifth year, he had thousands of pieces, bought Apple 13, and I, I have 360 million yuan in debt and have run away with my sister-in-law.
Finally, I would like to share with you a wave of funny pictures and funny memes.
1, how can this urinal still be installed with air conditioning.
2. Last year's stock market record.
3, my mother said that this hairstyle is still quite sharp.
4. What kind of experience is matched to four leopards.
5, so to say, who is this satirizing?
6. The left is the color of your fund last year, and the right is the color of your fund this year.
7, I suspect that they are wearing the opposite of their clothes and pants.
8. Is this a buyer show?
9, or you keep the best figure.
