1. After the elder sister got married, she quit her job as a model and was at ease as a housewife at home. She is now more than 9 months pregnant with a big belly to do nothing numb, I went to her house to see her, mother-in-law open

1. After the elder sister got married, she quit her job as a model and was at ease as a housewife at home. She is now more than 9 months pregnant with a big belly and nothing to do, I went to her house to see her, and my mother-in-law was happily stewing soup. I helped her fold her clothes, found that her autumn pants had a few holes, and threw them in the trash. My sister quickly picked it up, and I couldn't help but say to her: Can you still wear these autumn pants like this? My sister smiled and said: Last time my mother-in-law saw my torn autumn pants and privately gave me a big red envelope!

2, go to the leader's house to visit the New Year, her son is 5 years old, I teased him: little man, what do you want to do when you grow up? He said: When scientists land on the moon. I said: Have ambition! What about going to the moon? He said: Stew the jade rabbit, marry Chang'e! What kind of ideal is this?

3, after getting married, my wife and I cooked for a day, tonight it was my wife's turn, she took four cards and said: What do you want to eat, please flip the card. See four cards that read: pork ribs, chicken stew with mushrooms, tomato brisket, braised beef. I said: Is it okay to have it all? The girlfriend said: I am afraid that you will not be able to eat. I said: If you can't eat, you won't give me pocket money! After a while, my girlfriend brought four bowls of instant noodles with different flavors...

4, this year's Eleventh Mid-Autumn Festival, 19 years of the home country celebration, the main theme of the holiday movie 🎬 "My Hometown and Me" is very appropriate, to ask me what my hometown is like, the tip of the tongue of Lu cuisine, steamed cooking and stewing 1500 years of history; the hidden eight hundred years of Shakyamuni Buddha teeth appeared; the famous temple Baosha, the hometown of Kong Meng, the long history ... Anyway, it is not too much to say that people are brilliant, and it is not too much to lose them

5, high school, catch up with the rebellious period, sneakily run to get a tattoo, tattooed a tiger on the chest, sleep in a poor sleeping position, clothes quilt on one side, exposing the stomach, in the morning my mother told me to get up and see, a fat beating. I had a cold war with my mother for a few days, and when I was getting ready to go out in the afternoon, my mother was arguing with the neighbors, and her eyes caught a glimpse of me and called me over, saying: My son has lost a lot of weight recently. Just as I was confused, my mother pulled my clothes away with lightning speed. That scene scared the neighbors into apologizing!

6, wash my wife's hair, just washed her said that the water is a little hot, let me turn down. I said I knew, I flushed my feet and felt that the water temperature was OK, and then I punched her head and asked her how the water temperature was? She said it was much better, and I suddenly laughed and said, "I know that you are pretentious, I didn't adjust at all!" "Then I slept in the living room all night...

7, the boyfriend split legs by me, I did not make a big fuss, called the boyfriend to invite him to dinner. Then I found a seafood hotel, no way, happy! It was hard to splurge once, there were about 8,000 people at a meal, watching the boyfriend eat positively. I told my boyfriend I was going to the bathroom first, then I shut down and left, and I can imagine what would happen next! The great revenge has been repaid, and the rivers and lakes are not seen!

8, there is a strange thing in my WeChat circle of friends, all day long to send some moods such as: today's mood is super good, eat a good meal, today's mood is not good, eat a good treat yourself, today's salary, eat a good meal, today was scolded, eat a good comfort yourself! Whenever I see this, I hate that I can't fly to her side and jump up and give her a kick, if it wasn't for my daughter-in-law!

9. Recently, my daughter-in-law's company arranged to send a foreign mission, and I and my sister-in-law were left at home. Fortunately, I was still a decent gentleman, and I was at peace for a few days. However, my sister-in-law has a problem, eating braised meat at every meal, which has led to my recent pocket money being almost gone. I really can't stand it, so I said: You've eaten too much meat these days, and you see you're fat! The sister-in-law listened unhappily and said: How do you know, I don't think I am fat, or you wrap me up and weigh me! I refused at the time, a big girl with a water spirit was facing me all day, and I went to the hotel that night!

10. When I was in love in high school, I was found by the teacher to call my parents. I just said Uncle Sound... Before he could finish speaking, the parent slapped his mouth and said angrily: You and my daughter have kissed each other, and we still have the face to dare to call me uncle. I paused and blurted out "Dad."

11, when I went to school and drank with my classmates, when everyone discussed who drank the least and who paid the bill, and then everyone drank and climbed down, then the boss came in, drink so much in case something happened to drink? This meal I please, you students do not study well, you know to take your parents' money to eat, drink and have fun, and then the enthusiastic boss also spelled a big bed for us to sleep, and then the school behind the demolition we never saw this boss again, good people live a safe life, this is a true story, to this day I still remember it, because the bed is very hard, after waking up everyone found that the ass was hot and painful.

12, lianyi married, the other party is a thirty-year-old woman, driving Baojun 560. When the wedding was going on, the groom said to the couple, "Actually, I have been sterilized!" "We were all stunned, and the scene suddenly became awkward. At this time, Lian Xiang did not know how to put a fart, and the emcee jokingly said in order to ease the scene: "The bride farts, and the luck is great." After a while, the placket let go of two more farts, and the emcee said, "The bride puts two, one top two." Finally, Lian Yi let go of three more farts, and the emcee jumped off the stage and shouted: "Run, the bride is going to pull!" ”

13, girlfriend bought a new iPhone 11, I look hungry. My girlfriend saw what I meant, so she switched with my old mobile phone to let me experience the new mobile phone, and I was so moved that I invited my girlfriend to a big dinner. Today I went shopping with my girlfriend and met my girlfriend's colleague. Her colleague asked her girlfriend: Can your new phone that fell out of the bathroom still work? Girlfriend: Can use ah, now give my sister to use, first go to taste.

14, I have 20 years of smoking age, at least a pack of cigarettes every day, every day after dinner habitually smeared smoke. My husband died of lung cancer last year, so I was reprimanded by my wife just as I was about to ignite it. I didn't listen to my heart and didn't bother, so I opened the door and walked out, and I saw a big brother standing in the corridor, smoking crimson. The eldest brother asked, "Brother, I was also smoked and got out??? I saw the big brother throw the cigarette butt to the ground and stomp on it hard, thinking that he was going to say "brothers rise up." As a result, he only listened to him continue: "I'm afraid that this smoke is really going to quit, it's too cold outside." ”