1, I hope that one day I suddenly woke up and found myself asleep in a class in the first year of junior high school, and now everything I experience is a dream, and the table is full of your saliva. You tell your table and you say you did it

1, I hope that one day I suddenly woke up and found myself asleep in a class in the first year of junior high school, and now everything I experience is a dream, and the table is full of your saliva. You told your tablemates that you had a long dream. The same table called you an idiot and told you to listen to the lecture well. You look out the window at the pitch and everything is so familiar and hopeful.

2. Spend the night in the hotel with the female ticket. When she got up early in the morning, the female ticket quickly tore the toilet paper into pieces, spit on the spit into a lump and threw it in the trash. I asked strangely, "What are you doing?" The second goods did not say angrily: "The paper is too little, sorry to check out." "Nyima, this is naked disgust!????

3, today lead a little bit to save money. She told me solemnly, "Brother, don't keep the money in the bank, they will give you a mess, and in the end there will be nothing left." Curious, I asked, "How do you know?" She said: "My old money is my mother to help me save it in the bank, and then it is gone!" "I...

4, today to apply, think the beautiful interviewer is very familiar, just stare at her. Beauty said impatiently: What do you see? Me: I think you're very familiar, much like my ex-girlfriend! ...... Beauty didn't say angrily: What's like, I am! This time you didn't dare to say "look at you"!

5, this morning, a colleague suddenly sent WeChat, asked when I am free, invited me to dinner, asked me what I want to eat! I thought about hot pot, stir-fry, lamb chops, chicken thighs... All kinds of delicious food, because I have a general relationship with this colleague, there is no deep friendship, I am embarrassed to say what to eat, so I send a euphemistic message to him: Why invite me to dinner? As a result, after a while, the colleague WeChat replied: I'm sorry, I sent the wrong person...

6, today I went to the RT-Mart supermarket to buy a few live fish and went home happily, my mother praised me as a good child who loves animals! I think this big winter, put cold water in the cold water is not cold to die? So, I was kind enough to drop the cold water and put it on the boiling water. After my mother came back from work, she hurriedly said: "Originally good, how did it die?" I was also saying to myself, "Huh? Isn't it hot enough? When my mother heard this, she picked up her broom and ran to my side.

7, tonight I slept in Zhengxiang, I suddenly began to cry. Then, my daughter-in-law was woken up by my crying, rubbed her eyes and hurriedly woke me up. The daughter-in-law asked doubtfully: Husband, you slept well, why did you cry? Then I! Wiping his tears, he said: You don't know, I have another nightmare, I dreamed that I am married again, and I am still with you!

8, see a friend holding a new small gold box, ask: what is inside, make such a good box. My friend said: A handful of my husband's hair. I asked in surprise: Isn't your husband alive and well? Friend: "But his hair is gone."

9, Dad became the director of the workshop, and one of his good brothers came to my house to drink and celebrate. After three rounds of drinking, My father's good brother said to me: Do you know that I saved your life? I was confused and asked curiously: Why am I not impressed? He smoked a cigarette, looked at the roof at forty-five degrees of sadness, and said: When your father borrowed money from me to beat the fetus, I did not borrow it, so seven months later, you were born! I was silent for a long time and said: Thank you uncle for saving my life!

10, Mom: "A few days ago I found an essay you wrote, written that you didn't do well in the exam, and I trained you to cry." I burst into tears when I looked at it, I was too harsh on you back then. Me: "What's there to cry about, when I wrote an essay, it was all made up, and there was not a word of truth." Besides, when have I ever been disciplined by you to cry? It's all in the ears. ”

11, the wife is not comfortable, found a Chinese medicine doctor to see a doctor, Chinese medicine said: "Put your hand out, let me touch it" After a while, the doctor said: "Your wife is pregnant." The son, who had been watching from the sidelines, asked curiously, "Isn't my mother sick?" How come you're pregnant again after touching it? ”

12, the wife every day to go to plastic surgery, I do not agree! Today, I can't help my wife, let her cut her double eyelids... She came home and started crying, and I asked: After cutting off her double eyelids, why are you crying? Isn't that pretty! My wife said: I wanted to know that I would have commented on you now, and I would never have married you in the first place!

13, the wife asked doubtfully: "Husband, my memory is still a little vague, how can I not remember, how did we meet?" The husband said: "Remember the person who was hit by a car, a kind person, carrying you across several roads, desperately shouting for help?" The wife suddenly realized and said, "I remember! It turned out to be you.." The husband said calmly, "Yes, I knocked you both down..."

14, leaving the barbecue stall it was already more than one o'clock in the morning, I was walking alone on the dark path, and a beautiful woman approached me. Suddenly her foot slipped and she looked like she was about to fall on top of me. Fortunately, I was agile, a gorgeous turn, and the beauty fell on the spot with mud all over her face. Fortunately, I didn't fall on me, if you throw me a good one, how can I find a daughter-in-law!