The topic of the original family has become one of the hottest topics at present. Different environments create different talents, and the environment that a person lives the longest and has the deepest influence is the family, and the influence of the original family on a person is eternal.
Su Mingyu in the hit drama "All Is Good", has been suppressed by his mother since he was a child, and when he grows up, he will be squeezed by his father and brother, although the surface is bright and beautiful, but he is extremely lacking in safety in his heart, eager for love and care.
Some people will say that this is a role setting, but the harm she suffered in the original family and finally cultivated an independent, self-reliant but inferior Su Mingyu, is something we can't help but admit!
According to incomplete statistics, nearly 80% of adults think that they have a bad temper, their personality is related to their original family, and their self-esteem has been hurt too many times when they are young, and it is their parents who hurt them!
"Parents do not even need to pass the exam", this sentence hits the depths of people's hearts, adults are parents for the first time, and children are also the first time to be children, everyone has no experience with each other, parents on the child's righteous scolding, humiliation seems to be completely natural.
And children can only suffer in silence, the harm they suffer can not be repaired, parents' incorrect education methods have a great impact on the growth of children.
The harm that toxic families of origin bring to children is a lifetime, whether we are children or parents, we cannot choose our own families and children.
But we can understand the wrong type of original family and education methods in advance, effectively resist the harm caused to us by the original family, and grow up in a healthy and happy environment.
What exactly is a "toxic" family of origin like?
Absent-type families
Incompetent parents are parents who are absent from the growth of their children, and it is difficult to fill the vacant piece in the child's heart, and it may be that parents are forced by life to go out to work and earn money.
And the conditions do not allow them to bring their children together, parents should know that the child's growth is only once, in the child's memory, such a beautiful time as childhood without the presence of parents, this is a great sense of loneliness for them.
Ji Yangyang in the hit drama "Little Joy" was separated from his parents for a long time, and his parents left their children for six years because of their work, missing the beautiful time of every time their children grew up.
When the child returns to accompany the child in the third year of high school, the child has already had a grudge against the parents in his heart, and even said more than once that "I have no home" and "my parents are uncles", what will be the taste in the hearts of the parents?
The companionship of parents is precious to children, and children want to be praised by their parents when they progress, hugs from their parents when they are sad, and shares with their parents when they are happy.
If the parents are absent from every beautiful moment of the child, the child will slowly become more "strong in disguise", and the inferiority complex is planted from the moment the parent leaves the child.
Abusive families
Violent abuse is divided into physical and verbal abuse, and verbal abuse is more harmful to children.
When the child makes a mistake or disobeys, the parents urgently "want to be good for the child", can not control their "love" for the child, can not help but do something to the child.
Children who have lived under violence for a long time have serious psychological distortions and serious personality defects, and this harm will continue until they grow up and become a family, and even accompany them for a lifetime.
Parents know that hitting children is not right, sometimes can control the impulse to hit children, and transformed into language violence against children, language violence is no less powerful than physical violence.
"How can you be so stupid, this will not be", "You look at the little sister of the family next door, younger than you, everything, I really don't know why I gave birth to you!" "You're so lazy, why don't you die?" ......
Have these words ever been said to children? Children also have their own self-esteem, whether they are physically or verbally abused, it is difficult for them to have a sense of trust in others later, and childhood experiences will accompany them for a lifetime.
Manipulative family
Qiao Yingzi's mother Song Qian in "Little Joy" is this type of parent, overly controlling and caring for the child, the child's everything wants to master, what the child eats every day, and who makes friends with him must be managed, and finally forced Ying Zi to be depressed and wants to jump into the river to relieve himself.
Manipulative parents put pressure on their children under the banner of "good for you", and they are not concerned about the needs of the child's heart, but whether their inner desire for control can be satisfied.
When children resist, they will use some extreme means such as intimidation or threats to force children to obey, so that the educated children can hardly be independent in the future, and they have no choice from an early age.
They will make some extreme behaviors to declare their independence and gain freedom, such as Wu Xieyu of Peking University, who was disciplined strictly by his mother, and he felt that only by killing his mother could he gain his own freedom.
Children can not choose their own original family, may be deeply poisoned by the original family, as a parent, then please alleviate the harm caused by this "sick" family to the child, do not let your child live in the shadow of the "sick original family".