Su Mingyu, the heroine of the TV series "All Is Good", has been separated from her family for many years, and because of the death of her mother, she has once again established contact with her father. Since childhood, Mingyu has been bullied by her brother due to the patriarchal atmosphere in the family and the cowardly and cowering character of her father.
Although he achieved success in his career as an adult, he was still difficult to let go of his relationship with his family, until his father was dying of old age and suffering from Senile dementia, but even when his consciousness was no longer clear, he still had the set of exercises that Mingyu had longed for when he was young but did not get.
At this point, Mingyu truly let go of the hurt that the missing father's love had brought to her.
If you are good at observing the people around us, in fact, not only Su Mingyu in the play, there are many people, they study hard and work hard, but they are often unhappy and unhappy, as if they are bound by something, and they are cautious and cautious.
Such manifestations are often closely related to the way they get along with their fathers in their original families, or that their fate has not been blessed by their fathers, and such influences often accompany them throughout their lives.
The love of parents for their children is, without a doubt, noble and beautiful.
However, different modes of getting along and family atmosphere, the role of children's personality cultivation and character shaping is also different, in life if the father plays a good role, words and deeds, will play a very important positive impact on the child.
But it is not easy to do this for the first time as a father, and if there are the following three characteristics, it may mean that a person's fate has not been blessed by the father.
First, self-repressed psychological habits
Regular self-repression will gradually become a psychological habit, which will evolve into a self-repressed personality.
This factor of self-repression usually stems from the feeling of helplessness felt in the family of origin, and the father is the main source of security in the child's early childhood.
According to studies, in childhood, the absence of the role of the father can lead to boys being shy and cowardly, lacking in assertiveness and masculinity, and tending to be feminine. Girls lack paternal love in childhood, which makes them anxious, introverted, and not good at expressing themselves in interpersonal communication.
At the same time, this self-repressive psychological habit also comes from love.
The love mentioned here is not true love, but love that has been repeatedly emphasized by the father. In other words, if the father repeatedly emphasizes how hard he works, how much grievance he has endured for the child, how much he has paid, and repeatedly requires the child to get ahead and be grateful, the child, while bearing such love, is also constantly putting pressure on himself, afraid of losing the love from the father, which will lead to self-repression.
At the same time, allowing children to have thoughts similar to guilt and fear can also lead to the formation of self-repressive personality.
If a father is often grumpy and yells at his children at home, or if the father frequently quarrels with his mother, in our culture, children often attribute such incidents to themselves, believing that they are not doing well enough to be loved by their parents, and thus feel guilty.
Children who grow up in such a family atmosphere will lack self-confidence, lack of opinion, and lack of security in the family, which will lead to their reluctance to communicate with others and become withdrawn.
Second, excessive attention to others
From a psychological point of view, the child's growth process will go through a transformation from "lawless" to "other law" stage. In the "lawless" stage, the child only has his own inner thoughts and needs, and after entering the "other law" stage, the child begins to turn to the opinions and evaluations of others.
In this process of transformation, the father's guidance and role model are very important.
At this stage, the child's sense of self is not yet fully developed, so his self is often constructed around the feelings of others, and if in the process of getting along with the father, the child's personal will is often suppressed, a sense of learned helplessness will be generated, and thus he is accustomed to obeying and conforming to others.
In the process of growing up in a child's adolescence, the disharmony of the relationship with the father also often causes social anxiety in the child.
Adolescence is an important stage in the child's personality to improve, the father's evaluation and attention to the child is crucial, if the father shows an indifferent attitude to the child, the subconscious child will think that his feelings and ideas are not worthy of attention, which will make the child have a low sense of value and unworthiness.
Sometimes, this mental habit of unconsciously speculating about others and taking responsibility for their emotions and feelings is also manifested through adolescent rebellion.
Researchers at Penn State University's Center for Preventive Studies have found that fathers' rejection and rejection have an impact on the quality of adolescent-peer friendships.
At the same time, the social anxiety caused by the rejection of the father will also lead to the poor performance of adolescents in the school field and even extend to the professional field, and even be isolated by society, if not intervened, it will lead to the symptoms of long-term loneliness and depression of adolescents.
Third, it is difficult to make a choice on its own
In real life, many people often ridicule themselves for having "difficulty in choosing", but from a psychological point of view, making choices alone is indeed an ability, and this ability is also cultivated in the original family.
The choice of a child may not have a particularly significant impact and significance, but from the child to the adult, the ability to choose is the same, and if the ability to choose is not learned in the original family, then it will inevitably lack this ability in adulthood.
As the guiding light on the child's life path, the father should not make a big decision for all the choices of the child, nor can he choose to turn a blind eye in the process of the child's entanglement in the choice, but should provide appropriate advice in a timely manner to guide the child to make the right choice.
Based on the role of the father in the family, it is often easy to confuse the cultivation of good habits with excessive restriction of interference, thereby inhibiting the development of the child's sense of autonomy.
Fathers should be the providers of their children's opinions, even if the children make the wrong choices, they should not interfere or sneer, but encourage the children and patiently give the children the opportunity to try and make mistakes.
Mother's love is like water, father's love is like a mountain, only the combination of mountains and rivers can provide sufficient irrigation and nourishment for this small sapling of the child. May the fathers of the world, and those who will eventually become fathers, know this, learn and grow, and only in this way will they give their children a healthy foundation of personality.