Last night, my husband and I went to bed after taking a shower, and when we slept in a confused way, I suddenly felt that someone had locked my neck, and it felt like a hug, and I was desperately struggling and ending

Last night, my husband and I went to bed after taking a shower, and when we slept in a confused way, I suddenly felt that someone had locked my neck, and it felt like a hug, and I struggled desperately and finally woke my husband up. My husband let go of me and said that he dreamed of fighting with thieves, and I was sweating at that time, who can still be in danger of life this year!

2 Last night, I went to the movies with my girlfriend, and as soon as we sat down, there was a beautiful woman next to me. The beauty of that look, the beauty of the figure, is really too tempting. The movie started, I didn't have the heart to watch the movie, my heart was full of this beautiful woman, just when I was thinking about it, the beauty suddenly touched my leg with her hand, which frightened me. I quickly changed seats with my girlfriend and watched the movie seriously. After the movie, my girlfriend kissed me happily and said to me: Good performance, my most beautiful girlfriend you can resist. 

3 The wife plans to spend 100,000 yuan to buy a set of whitening cosmetics, and I firmly disagree. At night, my wife asked me: Why does the sun not come out at night, only during the day? I said: This is not yet understood, indicating that the sun has always been very fashionable! The wife said: What do you mean? I said: Like to come out during the day, it means that you like "white"! You like whitening is all about learning from the sun.

4 My girlfriend is getting married, and I accompany her shopping. Girlfriend: "You help me see LV's bag, you help me counsel that one." Me: "Is your fiancé going to give you LV bags?" Girlfriend: "Yes, you have been married for a year, why didn't your husband buy you a good bag?" Me: "The bag my husband gave me is the most expensive bag in the world." Girlfriend: "What a bag!" Why didn't you look at your back? I proudly patted my stomach: "My stomach is so big, it is the most precious bag that my husband sent me!" "Girlfriend...

5 Girlfriend's mouth is never idle, except to eat is to count me down. This is not, into the winter, she bought a few boxes of walnuts from the origin of walnuts, which is called: idle in winter, there is nothing to eat walnuts to pass the time and replenish the brain, in one fell swoop. Walnuts had been eaten for more than half a month, and this morning, just this morning, she poured the rice directly into the rice cooker, and the pot liner was on the side. My girlfriend shouted, I rushed to the kitchen, saw a wet scene, and said to my girlfriend: This is the result of your brain patching? My girlfriend actually said to me unconvincedly: Yes, I am enlightened, why am I the one who cooks every day?

6 Five years ago, my wife got pregnant after putting on a birth control ring, and I let her give birth to the baby. Now that my daughter is five years old, I wear her to the RT-Mart supermarket. The daughter asked curiously: How did this fish fit together with the ice cubes? I said: It's to cool down, it's to keep smelly! My daughter nodded after listening, and the next day I wanted to drink some ice Maotai and opened the refrigerator to see that my shoes appeared in the refrigerator.

7 When I returned from a business trip last month, I arrived home only to find that I had not brought a gift for my girlfriend. I rushed to the market, bought a small hamster, went to my girlfriend's house and gave it to her, and I specifically said that it was a foreign hamster. Since then, the girlfriend has been raised like a baby, and there is nothing to show off with others, but one night the little hamster died inexplicably, and the girlfriend cried. While crying, he muttered: Why are you so dead! I haven't even learned to sort garbage, what kind of garbage are you?

8 Yesterday my aunt came to the house as a guest, so I called my boyfriend to let me know.

I said, "Honey, my relatives are coming, you buy something to go home." ”

Later, he went home and pushed the door, and without saying a word, he took out a bag of aunt towels from his bag and began to coddle.

Boyfriend: "Honey, am I good?" Am I good? Hurry up and praise me! ”

I'll never forget the look in my aunt's eyes when she looked at him from the side!

9 Tonight, I had just arrived home when my wife called me over with a lit candle, and she was smiling and staring at me. Seeing me come in, my wife said softly, "Happy birthday, come and blow out the candles." I smiled and walked over and said, "Okay, after blowing out the candles, I'm going to make a wish." My wife smiled and asked me, "What wish do you want to make?" I folded my hands, closed my eyes, and said, "I hope that next year's birthday, there will be a cake under the candle!" ”

10 My wife was on a business trip, so I ran out to drink with my brother, and halfway through my wife called and asked, "What are you doing?" "I hid in the toilet: I went to bed so late.

Wife "I have 100 pieces under my pillow, you read the number out"

I saw that the situation was not good, and hurriedly explained"Wife is sorry, I invited my brother to drink, I only spent 80 and 20 left"

Suddenly there was a scolding on the other side of the phone, "I only put 10 yuan under the pillow, where did you get the money, wait for me, my morning plane"

11 Yesterday was my birthday, and my daughter-in-law gave me a 30,000 coat. When I received the gift, I was very touched, and as soon as I was happy to drink too much wine, I transferred 35,000 yuan to her.

When I woke up today, I couldn't find my new coat, called my wife and asked: What about my coat?

Wife: Coat? I took it for a refund.

Me: Why do you want to return?

Daughter-in-law: Birthday is originally a happy, your birthday has passed yesterday, so I will go to retire ah.