At night, I fell asleep and had a dream that I was resting with my female colleague, and she loved to grind her teeth, so I slapped her and woke her up. As a result, I was too hard, and I also woke up, opened my eyes and saw that I was

At night, I fell asleep and had a dream that I was resting with my female colleague, and she loved to grind her teeth, so I slapped her and woke her up. As a result, I also woke up, opened my eyes and looked, I was asleep alone in the single dormitory, where was the female colleague? I was going to continue sleeping, but I heard a woman crying, and I took a closer look, and there were really female colleagues, sitting across from me crying. I used to coax her, and she ignored me, and I said, "Don't cry, if you cry again, I'll kick you out, see if you're afraid!" She said, "Brother, you think wrong, I came from outside, I am not afraid at all, the person I feel afraid of should be you!" "I was stunned, look around, no, I just graduated, I don't even have a job, where is the single dormitory?" It must have been a dream, so I slapped myself a few times, anyway, it was a dream, and I was fierce. It really hurt, and I weakly asked her, "Are you my female colleague?" You're not going to scare me, are you? We must have a good relationship, right? The woman said, "Brother, in fact, we didn't have a good relationship before we died..." And so on, and I quickly said, "What do you mean?" What is pre-life? Is it the kind of life that gives birth to a child? "Oh, I'm very smart. The woman said: "Brother, you think wrong, it is the kind of life that is alive..." I was scared at that time, wow a cry, a man crying, crying, crying, it is not a sin, so scary who does not cry! As a result, after crying, I looked, hehe, I fell asleep at my house, nothing happened. So, I said to myself, "Cry when you have nightmares, and other moves won't work." I heard a girl: "Brother, sometimes cry...."

2. Today I went back to my hometown and had a small meal with my father after two cups of drinking. After a few drinks, Dad said to me: Son, remember today, today is a special day, it may be the happiest day of your life. Me: Thank you Dad, but you remember the wrong day, my wedding is tomorrow. Dad: I know, son, I know...

3. The brother-in-law earns millions of dollars a year as a supervisor in a foreign company, and he has two houses in Shanghai and his hometown has also bought ones. However, the brother-in-law's family has been driving a Honda car for almost seven or eight years, and it has not been changed. Ask him why, he said, "I don't like cars because I don't keep my value!" "Recently I was ready to buy a BMW, and I didn't have enough money to borrow 200,000 yuan from my brother-in-law. When my brother-in-law heard me say that I was buying a car, he refused to borrow money and said, "I drive a Toyota with an annual salary of one million, and what BMW do you drive with a monthly salary of five thousand?" ”

4. A group of friends had dinner at the hotel and ordered a case of beer. But the waiter said coldly: "We order wine here, and we can't return it even if we can't open the bottle!" Everyone scolded this as the overlord clause, but one person said it was over, and said to the waiter: "Then let's have a bottle first!" "When the wine came, the man divided the wine, let everyone dry it, and then called the waiter to have another bottle, and then divided it up and dried it up." After tossing it ten times or so, the hotel manager came and said with a smile: "Do you want to drink a box first, and if we can't finish drinking, we will return?" ”

5. My brother-in-law was a good buddy in college, and I just paid his salary yesterday, so I invited him to dinner at a restaurant. At that point, I ordered two bottles of 82-year-old Maotai, one bottle for each of us. When we were about to drink, I said: I want to divorce your sister. The brother-in-law looked surprised and asked: Why? I said to him: Your sister hasn't said a word to me in half a year. The brother-in-law took a deep breath of his cigarette, and then said lightly: You have to think twice, such a woman is difficult to find.

6. When I was studying at Huazhong University of Science and Technology, I met a classmate from a rural area. During the summer vacation, I went to his hometown to play. The classmate pointed to a cow and said, "This cow is very smart, you go to wipe the cow's feet, and you can live a superior life in the future, with clothes to reach out and food to open your mouth." Rather believe in its existence than in its absence, I immediately went forward and wiped it down the cow's foot. Unexpectedly, the cow's hooves flew up, and I fell to the ground, and a voice sounded in my ear: You fool, I am talking about the horns on the bull's head! I still remember those days, I really put my hands on my clothes, opened my mouth to eat, and I couldn't take care of myself at all.

7. My dad was an architect and didn't see him more than a few times a year. As a child, he rarely took me to the shower. Every time I went to the women's bathhouse with my mother to take a bath, I was actually very annoyed and very reluctant to go. Once I was taking a bath, I asked my aunt, "Auntie, when will I not have to come to the women's bathhouse again?" The aunt replied, "Hum, when you want to come!" "Now that I'm older, I think about my aunt's answer, it's really too accurate!"

8. I remember when I was in elementary school, my cousin once came to my house to play. When eating, I bite off the shrimp head. My dad yelled at me, "Waste! Ate the shrimp head!! "I was so frightened that I chewed and swallowed the shrimp head, and I choked to tears. My cousin also shook his hand, clipped the shrimp head he threw away, looked at it, and put it in my bowl: "Don't waste it!"

  #Funny# #搞笑段子 #