When "Perfect Partner" first started, I was particularly envious of Chen Shan and Sun Lei's marriage. They have achieved a balanced and comfortable state in complementarity, although Sun Lei seems to be a little unenterprising, although Chen Shan seems to be a little disregarding of home, but they can support and tolerate each other, and be willing, which is enough.
But with the advancement of the plot, their marriage slowly moved from complementarity to dislocation, especially after Chen Shan persuaded Sun Lei to enter House, Sun Lei could not withstand the high-intensity and high-paced work, concealed Chen Shan's job hopping, and Chen Shan also miscarried because of too much emotion, and the whole family became a chicken feather, which was really regrettable and regrettable.
First, let's look at Chen Shan.
Chen Shan's personality is indeed strong. She is strong not only at work, but also in her family. She herself has a strong sense of self-motivation, so she is also very eager for Sun Lei to be able to be self-motivated, she let Sun Lei give up the job arranged by her mother, let him enter the high-intensity House, and hope that he can work hard.
I have to say that her intentions are good, for the sake of her family and Sun Lei. However, she ignored Sun Lei's own personality and personal wishes.
In fact, in life, we have to admit that some people's personality and ability will determine that they cannot do certain types of work or cannot reach a certain height. Just like Sun Lei, although he has ability, his personality is not suitable for the kind of work that requires selflessness.
What's more crucial is that he doesn't have the willingness to work hard at all costs, and you force him to do it, which is easy to have problems. We can understand that we are competitive and can't get used to the feeling that our husbands are too lazy, but marriage itself is a process of seeking common ground while reserving differences, rather than letting you shape each other according to yourself.
Moreover, Sun Lei is a little lazy, but he has not reached the point of not doing the right thing, he is just suitable for a relatively easy and stable job, in that kind of work, he can also exert his talents and create his own value, so Chen Shan does not have to forcibly change him.
Her attempt to forcibly change the other person's practice is a very important factor in the misalignment of their marriage. If she can consider Sun Lei's career development from his own personality characteristics, and can respect his wishes and personality, then their marriage will not reach such a point.
Then let's look at Sun Lei.
Although Chen Shan is wrong, is Sun Lei all right? Why did Chen Shan have to change Sun Lei and force Sun Lei to choose a job he didn't like? That's because Sun Lei once said that he also had a sense of enterprise, but he gave up his career for the sake of his family and Chen Shan.
Since he said this, from Chen Shan's point of view, then she will inevitably reflect on herself, will feel guilty, and thus think of fulfilling Sun Lei's professionalism. That's why she offered to exchange with Sun Lei, let him go to work hard, and she came back to take care of the family.
Since Sun Lei wants to work hard in his career and entrust the main responsibility of taking care of his family to Chen Shan, it is natural to be different from before, instead of finding a job that is as easy as before. From this point of view, Chen Shan advised Sun Lei to choose House, which was reasonable.
If Sun Lei is really as he himself said, he really sacrificed his career for the sake of his family, and he himself is very enterprising and wants to devote himself to work, then this is undoubtedly a very good opportunity. But the truth is that Sun Lei is not as suitable for concentrating on hard work as he said, he is a person who can't let go of his family and is willing to put his energy into his family.
I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with men liking to take care of their homes, on the contrary, I find such men warm. But only if you accept and face yourself. If you feel that giving up some of your career ambitions and putting more energy into your home will make you feel comfortable and at ease, so do it, you don't have to say that you have to do it.
For Sun Lei, if he can communicate frankly with Chen Shan, tell her what kind of work he prefers or is more suitable for, and tell her that he is more willing to set aside energy to take care of the family, they can also find a balance point, not to misplace in trying to change.
When there is a problem in marriage, the responsibility must be between the two parties.
In our habits, there are always preconceived notions about blaming one side for mistakes. For example, when we see Chen Shan's strength, we will think that she forced Sun Lei to cause problems in the marriage, and Sun Lei is innocent. Others, seeing Sun Lei's laziness, will feel that Chen Shan was right to force him, and that Sun Lei was wrong.
In fact, if there is a problem in the marriage, it must be the responsibility of both parties. Some psychologists compare the husband and wife in a marriage to a mirror, you see that there are some problems in the other person, that also means that you have similar problems in the body, and the other party you see is equivalent to reflecting yourself in the mirror.
You see Chen Shan and Sun Lei, this is the couple, it seems that Chen Shan is the dominant party, she is trying to arrange Sun Lei's life, but Sun Lei is not guiding her, let her see a wrong direction? Their marriage has come to such a point, not the fault of either person, but the fault of both people.
Of course, this also has something to do with our traditional marriage model. In people's concepts, they always feel that marriage should be within the male and female protagonists, women can give up their careers to take care of the family, and men should struggle to work hard and achieve achievements in their careers.
But marriage doesn't have to have a standard model, the key is whether both of you feel comfortable. Both husband and wife have complementary personalities, one wants to work hard for the career, the other is willing to take care of the family, this is a good model, why have to worry about who is working hard and who is taking care of the family?
The problem with Chen Shan and Sun Lei is that they have not faced up to their personalities and choices. Chen Shan is the kind of woman who is suitable for her career, and Sun Lei is the kind of man who is suitable for taking care of the family, they originally complemented each other, but they had to forcibly change, which led to the misalignment of marriage.
I hope that friends who read this article can understand:
When problems arise between husband and wife, what is needed is to communicate openly and honestly, respect each other's personality and feelings, rather than hiding their own thoughts or forcibly changing each other.
Marriage is in crisis, and it is never just a person's fault, we should learn to start from reflecting on ourselves to solve the problem.
About the author: Meet and miss, a woman who likes to read and write, focusing on the creation of articles in the emotional field and the analysis and answer of emotional questions, I hope that my words can accompany you warmly forward.