In fact, whether it is a man or a woman, whether he takes care of his family or works hard, as long as he is really running his marriage and life, and is really trying to make life better, he should be affirmed.
Recently watching the drama "Perfect Partner", at first, I admired the marriage model of Chen Shan and Sun Lei, and I felt that Sun Lei, as a husband, could abandon worldly prejudices and willingly give up the opportunity to promote his career to complete his wife and family, which was remarkable.
But later, in the quarrel between Sun Lei and Chen Shan, Sun Lei angrily rebuked Chen Shan for not knowing that he had changed several nannies with his children, and when he said the number of "5", I suddenly felt that my heart was not very good.
Why do I feel that my heart is not a taste?
People who know me know that I have been a housewife for several years, and even now, the child thing is basically me working and juggling, not that mr. does not care about the family, but he always lacks an effective way to deal with the problem of children, and in the principle of benefiting the child, I can only participate more.
Frankly speaking, I have complained and been unwilling, but I have never felt that changing nannies will be an honor or a proof of hard work.
Of course, I am not saying that it is not hard to ask a nanny to take the child herself, but everyone who has children understands that many things of children must be done by their parents themselves, and nannies cannot replace them. As a grandfather who has to take care of his work, Sun Lei needs the assistance of a nanny to ensure the healthy growth of his children and the completion of his own work, which is very normal.
But I really can't understand what kind of logic it is for him to accuse Chen Shan of changing nannies 5 times. Maybe he felt that Chen Shan was too careless about his family, so that she didn't know that he had changed 5 nannies. But if this is the case, it is reasonable for the child to have a grandfather and a nanny, and the mother does not know it, because their division of labor is originally Chen Shan's more devoted work.
Or maybe he wanted to show that it was too hard to take care of the children, and he changed 5 nannies to achieve a balance between work and family. But I have a lot of young mothers around me, they also have to work and have children, some of them have a nanny, more of them are not invited, and they have not lost their jobs because of the family.
And Sun Lei, who changed 5 nannies, what is his job? We can see that he lost his job 3 times in a row! But he can justifiably accuse his wife of disregarding his family on these grounds, and we will all feel sorry for him.
But how many women in life work while taking care of their families, they have not lost their jobs many times, they have not changed nannies frequently, they have only survived on their superhuman perseverance, and no one feels that they should be hurt - this is where my heart is not a taste.
I am more for the differentiation of people's requirements and attitudes towards men and women in marriage and family than for taste, and I am more about the negative marital problems brought about by this differentiation than the taste. I really want everyone to see where these problems are.
What kind of psychology is a person like Sun Lei?
I know a friend who, like Sun Lei, also has a master's degree from a prestigious university, and her job was more stable and higher than her husband's, but now she takes her two daughters to work as cleaners.
How did she become a cleaner? She first quit her job, saying it was for the family and her children. After quitting her job, she said her husband wouldn't give her money to spend, so she went everywhere to do odd jobs. I advised her to communicate with her husband, and she said that she didn't want to talk to him about money, she wanted to make money on her own, but she had to pick up and drop off her children, and she had to be flexible in her time as a cleaner.
I don't mean to despise the cleaner, I just think that she has a better choice, even if it is to take care of the children, it is not only the way to be a cleaner. But she just insisted, and has been doing this for more than two years. She insisted on doing so, and then often complained that she had sacrificed too much for her family.
From this, I thought of Sun Lei.
Many people's evaluation of Sun Lei is: capable, sacrificed his career for the family. But in fact, this is only half right.
Sun Lei is indeed capable, and indeed has made sacrifices for his family, but many of these sacrifices of his are not necessary.
We see that Sun Lei lost his job for the first time, although the experiment went wrong, but it was just a routine, which can not blame him. But the second time, he knew that House was a high-paced working environment, but just because it was raining, he had to run to pick up the children before school time, so why bother?
On the third occasion, his father-in-law suddenly fell ill and could not contact his wife, so that he delayed his examination, which was a sudden situation, not his fault. However, after Chen Shan came, he repeatedly urged him to go back to make up the exam, and he said that the exam was not important and insisted on staying in the hospital, which was not necessary.
His 3 times he lost his job did have family factors, but the last two times, in fact, were avoidable, because he couldn't distinguish between the weight and the weight of his own, which led to the final result.
From a psychological point of view, Sun Lei's approach and the result of this is actually what he subconsciously hopes to happen, he just wants to make his career unhappy because of his family, so that he can prove his efforts and sacrifices, the more miserable his career, the greater his sacrifice for the family.
To put it bluntly, the more miserable the career, the more others will sympathize with him, the more he will have a sense of accomplishment, the more he will feel noble, and he will be moved by himself, which is the psychology of people like them.
What am I saying this for?
Because when I see the fact that behind Sun Lei's Gu family is that he lost his job 3 times and changed 5 nannies, and then think of the wives and mothers who know or don't know in life, I just want to have this man's evaluation of two words: "It's amazing!" ”
I always see too many people accusing a woman of being responsible for having to go to work and take care of her children, accusing her of failing to balance career and family, and I admit that balance is difficult, but I don't see any woman who loses her job multiple times and changes nannies frequently.
And a man lost his job 3 times and changed 5 nannies, everyone saw that his wife was not good, not his inability to balance career and family. More critically, he himself filed for divorce.
Why did Sun Lei get a divorce?
Because his self-touch was not recognized by Chen Shan, he felt that he had sacrificed so much and paid so much, Chen Shan should be grateful to him, but the actual situation was that Chen Shan was still dissatisfied with him. He did not think about why Chen Shan was dissatisfied, but chose to divorce.
Even if it was a divorce, he still said that he was for Chen Shan's good, and he moved himself fiercely. You see this man's approach and logic, is it not very absolute?
But behind this series of behaviors is the harm to marriage and family, and the fragmentation of a relationship, which is the purpose of my writing this article. I hope that everyone can see the underlying psychology behind these behaviors and understand the negative consequences of this underlying psychology, rather than simply to blame or defend whom.
TV dramas are TV dramas after all, but the meaning of THE EXISTENCE of TV dramas is to let us understand some truths and live better.
I really just hope that your marriage can get more happiness in a more effective and correct way.
About the author: Meet and miss, a woman who likes to read and write, focusing on the creation of articles in the emotional field and the analysis and answer of emotional questions, I hope that my words can accompany you warmly forward.