Text/Wood
Figure / source network, irrelevant to the text, invasion and deletion
-
A quarter of 2022 has passed, and when I saw the circle of friends forward the New Year's Nine House Grid, my first wish was to become a person with high emotional intelligence.
People with high emotional intelligence tend to be more popular.
Some people say that talking well is high emotional intelligence.
Speaking is obviously very simple, but some people's words make people feel like a spring breeze, and some people always want to jump when they speak.
The recently concluded hit drama "Perfect Partner", the heroine Chen Shan, played by the "national goddess" Gao Yuanyuan, has strong business ability and seniority, and has won the gold medal lawyer for five consecutive years, but she has been unable to become a senior partner.
When the fifteenth anniversary of the law firm was celebrated, Chen Shan questioned in front of everyone that she had not become a senior partner of the law firm, which made the boss blush and could not get off the stage.
She couldn't figure it out and went to ask Teacher Bai, and the other party saw it and didn't say it was broken, but she was obviously dissatisfied with this apprentice.
On the contrary, the comments of netizens are to the point: because she is too rigid and too straight.
The result of public questioning is to really offend and anger the boss.
So there was a plot after the boss borrowed the topic to play, deliberately opened the office door to scold Chen Shan, if it is not Chen Shan's strong business ability, it is likely to be resigned home.
In the final analysis, It is Chen Shan herself who does not deal with people, speaks aggressively, and her emotional intelligence is not online.
Knowing how to speak is crucial for both individuals and careers.
People with high emotional intelligence generally have three manifestations.
Praise, just right
Some people say that liking to praise is an innate psychological instinct of human beings.
However, psychologist Trinity Apt writes in the book Praise and Blame:
Trap praise is not more and more, it may also be a trap itself, praising others requires a lot of skills to prevent it from being counterproductive, inappropriate praise will hit self-confidence and reduce people's enthusiasm.
Only sincere and appropriate praise can make people truly comfortable and make the other party more confident.
Psychologists abroad once did an experiment, selecting two groups of people with similar qualifications, the first group will be praised for being smart after completing the task, and the second group will be exaggerated after completing the task.
At first, the two groups of people completed the same effect, but as the difficulty of the task increased, the effect of the first group began to be significantly lower than that of the second group.
This is because when a person's "smart" talent is praised, he will involuntarily choose to do something easier and avoid mistakes in order to prove himself.
Those who are praised for their efforts will be brave enough to challenge them without fear of difficulties, because they firmly believe that their hard work will be rewarded.
People with high emotional intelligence know how to praise the efforts of others, rather than innate talents, which not only benefits the other party a lot, but also makes it easier to establish good communication.
Whether it is marriage, family or workplace, sincere and heartfelt appreciation will definitely be liked by people.
People like to be praised, but Edison said:
Praise is the enthusiasm of a short life, and getting used to it becomes equal to nothing.
Learning to praise just right, really praising each other's hearts, giving people love and confidence, is the real high emotional intelligence.
Reject, be appropriate
Rejection is easily contradicted compared to appreciation, but we often need to reject others.
Learning to refuse properly can make people get along more well with each other.
Sanmao said:
Don't be afraid to turn others off if your own reasons are justified. When a person asks for it, he has two answers in his mind. So, giving him any of these answers is to be expected.
Obviously, others ask you for help, but because of your own refusal, you feel guilty, and you seem to owe the other party, which is a psychology that many people have experienced.
As the saying goes, helping is the love, and rejection is the duty.
People with high emotional intelligence do not feel underwhelming because they reject others.
The protagonist of the movie "The Life of the Rejected Matsuko" Is a flattering personality, in her world, other people's things are always more important than her own.
She thought that as long as she made others happy, she would win love and attention, so she did not dare to refuse others.
All her life, she has been currying favor with her father, her students, and every boyfriend, but the end is that she dies a miserable death by herself.
Don't be afraid to reject others, the person who loves you will not be far away from you, but will respect you more.
Dare to say "no" is also a kind of life wisdom.
It's just that proper rejection has a bottom line, and the bottom line is high and it is difficult to get along with; the bottom line is low and is bullied.
This bottom line is the principle.
The logistics department of the unit office can easily offend people because they have resources in their hands. But what is really easy to offend people is not the resources, but whether the person who holds the resources knows how to refuse.
The small team in the logistics department can be responsible for the distribution of masks, and everyone is divided equally according to the amount, but there are always people who want to take more for various reasons.
No matter how good the relationship between the other party and Xiao Ke is, he will always simply and clearly refuse, and everyone will look at it and admire it.
After a few times, no one took advantage of the work to make a private profit.
As Bi Shumin wrote in "Learning to Say No, It's a Kind of Wisdom", it is only by reasonably rejecting something that is more precious.
Words, to speak well
People with high emotional intelligence, in addition to knowing how to praise and moderate rejection, will also speak well.
There are some people who have to fight for you to be high and low to win or lose. It's the same with talking, always wanting to outperform others.
As everyone knows, this will lay a "time bomb" of intimate relationships.
In fact, we want to win the other side, not win the other side.
Yang Dai told a story in "The Two of Us".
Yang Dai and Qian Zhongshu, known as the "immortal lovers", first quarreled when they studied abroad, and the cause was a French pronunciation. The two argue, sulk each other, and do not hesitate to attack each other.
Yang Dai ridiculed Qian Zhongshu for having a strong rural accent in Wuxi, Jiangsu Province, while Qian Zhongshu, a Talented Scholar of Tsinghua, despised her self-righteousness.
Later, a French friend present confirmed that Yang Dai's pronunciation was correct and Qian Zhongshu was wrong.
Afterwards, Yang Dai recalled that although he won, he felt bored and even very unhappy.
After reflection, the two of them agreed that there would be something to discuss in the future.
Home is not a place of reason, if lovers always "cut words", there must be no dispute, it will inevitably increase troubles.
This is true for couples, and it is also true for friends and colleagues.
There will be too many baht, which will make people retreat from you, lest they avoid it.
Too much debate is not necessarily a good communication.
If you want to talk without hurting people, start with understanding each other, have more good thoughts in your heart, and more love.
▼
Speaking is not only a communication art worth learning, but also a manifestation of the level of emotional intelligence.
People often say that a good word is warm in three winters, and a bad word hurts people in June. Knowing how to speak, how to praise and reject appropriately, not only can get along with others happily, but also make yourself physically and mentally happy.
In the world, there is no perfect person or perfect partner, but we can knock on each other's hearts through high emotional intelligence communication, reduce some gaps, and increase some understanding.
Express your heart in the right way, and use your sincerity in the right praise and rejection.
Let the home become a place where the soul stretches, and let the unit become a place to let go and fight.
Starting from speaking, let us master the ability to praise and reject, become people with high emotional intelligence, and encourage the king