Author┃Unsubscribed Reading aloud/Unsubscribed
Edited by ┃丄学号 Chaired by Liang Shanbo
I know that I have seen such a problem:
"The child's grades are lagging behind, and the mother feels that she has to make up." But his father said that a happy childhood was the most important. What to do? ”
Scramble around, wherever you stand.
But in this question, we overlook a key factor ---- choices for children.
A female classmate in junior high school.
Lively personality, very good language skills, talkative and active thinking, strong knowledge output ability. Studying liberal arts is more handy.
I am partial to the study of philosophy, psychology, and language.
But his father believed that science and engineering majors were more conducive to high-end employment, preferably scientific research, and worst of all, to be a doctor...
Giving up your favorite subjects and learning other disciplines will only increase the barriers to learning.
Because she needs to restrain her interests and force herself to develop a preference for other disciplines.
This is avoidable internal friction and requires more energy to be consumed for no reason.
Letting go and letting children make their own choices is a wise move for parents.
01
Children are independent individuals
The right to choose their own life
Parents are overly involved in their children's lives, squeezing out the position of their children's participation, and helplessly becoming bystanders in their own lives.
Sometimes children make rebellious moves in order to break the arrangement.
Qi Mingyue in "In the Name of Family" is like this.
Qi Mingyue, a "child of someone else's family" cultivated by a strong old mother.
Excellent grades and sweet temperament.
Mom arranged everything for her, tutoring classes, professions, career development, the city where she worked, who she would marry, even what food to eat, what clothes to wear, who to be friends with...
Qi's mother put the focus of her life and all her life on cultivating her daughter, but she did not know that her love had harmed her daughter.
Qi Mingyue did not have any right to choose, and the choice she made would be denied by her mother. There is no autonomy.
She has been unable to extricate herself from the pain of being "oppressed".
If the strings are too tight, they will eventually break, and she chooses to skip class, borrow alcohol to dispel her sorrows, and even fill out one less answer card during the college entrance examination...
On the contrary, Li Jianjian, who is considered unfortunate by most people, is the most free-spirited female character in the play.
She was unfortunate to have lost her mother at an early age.
But she did not become a problem girl, and fortunately, she had a father who was willing to "indulge" her.
She was healed by her "obedient" father and embarked on a glamorous life track.
Li Jianjian's academic performance counted down, and his father was criticized by the teacher for holding a parent-teacher conference.
When other parents are harshly accusing their children of poor test scores, Li Dad tolerates his daughter's imperfections.
Li Jianjian likes to draw, and he allows his daughter to develop interests.
When his daughter won the award for wood carving, he hung a banner at the door of his noodle restaurant to celebrate, eating noodles for a discount...
Edward once said:
"Factors such as family tensions, parental despotism, disrespect for children's personality, and non-democracy directly affect children's learning and life."
Depriving a child of his or her own choices puts more pressure on him.
The child is a living person, he will have his own ideas, and the child's choices should be understood and encouraged.
02
Not respected and recognized by parents
Children are prone to extreme choices
The educator Rousseau once said: "Respect the child and do not rush to make judgments about him for good or bad." ”
Parents continue to deny their children, and gradually they will lose the ability to make the right choices.
In "New Police Story", Guan Zu, the son of Superintendent Guan (played by Wu Yanzu), gathers several rich second-generation young people and simulates online games to set real scenes and kill policemen. The layout is meticulous and the means are cruel.
Why would he make such a choice without seeking wealth, but only for the lives of the police?
His father was a senior superintendent, and he was born with a golden spoon, and he had a good material life, but he was never respected and recognized by his father.
He was either beaten or scolded.
In his father's eyes, he was a piece of crap.
Choosing to kill the police with games and create trouble for his father is his rebellion against his father.
He wants to prove his ability and get his father's approval.
At the end of the film, he stands on the roof and is surrounded by police.
Father was still growling and cursing.
He completely broke down, unloaded the bullets from his gun, and pointed the tip of the gun at his father. The police, unknowingly, shot him...
Facing his father, he cried like a child.
The end of death is his own choice. It is also a complete despair for the father.
At this time, the father finally broke down and cried out in pain: "Son! ”
He finally waited for his father's love and care, but the price was too heavy.
Guan Zu's tragedy stems from his father's harsh rebuke and denial of him all along, and his long-term depressed state has made his psychology gradually distorted, gradually going astray, forcing himself to a dead end.
If you want to cultivate the correct three views of children, you must let your children grow up in a warm and peaceful environment, respect children, praise and identify appropriately, and cultivate the habit of independence and the awareness of independent thinking.
A child who has not been respected and trusted by his parents since childhood has difficulty clearly distinguishing love.
It is also difficult to relax and enjoy happiness, and it lacks the ability to face difficulties and changes.
03
Child's choice
Not to satisfy the vanity of parents
"I'm all for your own good!"
"I'm your mother, can I still hurt you?"
How many parents, just to satisfy their own vanity, do not look at the choices of their children. Squeeze the passion of children in the name of love.
The father of the female classmate did not care about what his daughter liked to do, but what work the daughter would do in the future to make her father more face-saving.
Tang Can in "In the Name of Family", she loves acting, is quite talented, and is the envy of everyone as a child star.
She didn't want to be a star, she just simply liked to perform. Since she was a child, she has wanted to make her parents live a good life through her own efforts, but in fact, she has done it.
With such a beautiful, kind and filial daughter, parents should be content and satisfied, right?
The mother only wants her to take more advertising to earn money, but because of her own choice mistakes, her daughter misses the opportunity for long-term development.
As a result, she did not become the pride of her mother...
Tang Can did not give up the dream of acting, taking orders online and playing various roles for customers.
Attending her mother's birthday party, she entered the hall nervously and prepared a bracelet for her mother as a gift.
I was just ready to put it on for my mother, but because it was cheap, my mother felt very humiliated and rejected Tang Can in public.
Also because of her own vanity, her mother also lied to her relatives that Tang Can worked in a museum...
The child is not our "private property", he has come into this world with his own mission to fulfill.
I have heard the saying: "Children are not a continuation of a parent's life." ”
He is not obligated to fulfill our unfulfilled dreams, nor is he a machine for our glory.
He simply made himself through the raw materials provided by our bodies. He has his own dreams to pursue, people he wants to love, and things he wants to do.
What we need to do is to properly care and care, moderately "let go", give him the respect and trust he deserves, and help him exercise the ability to think and judge independently, which is the main task we need to help him go well in this life.
04
Write at the end
Remember a saying that goes something like this: "We should try to respect our children to create a more friendly atmosphere for conversation." ”
Parents, to learn to keep a close distance from the child, can not because of our narrowness and limit the child's ideas, the child's growth needs space.
Children, because of their independent personality, have their own opinions and be bold, because they have responsibilities, they know how to compromise, and because they are respected, they will conform to the good intentions of their parents.
Children are more willing to work on the choices they make.
It's easier to succeed and gain confidence than the choices imposed by your parents.
For children to learn to think independently, it is the responsibility of parents to guide their children to make choices, not to make choices on behalf of their children.
If life is compared to navigation, the child is the helmsman of his own life boat.
If you want your child to live this life calmly, parents must learn to "release" their children, you hold, he is a kite, when it is time to let go, he can grow into an eagle.
Let go of the child, spare yourself.
Author: Unsubscribed, a simple person, who believes in cause and effect, is not attached, and is at ease with circumstances.
Appreciation belongs to the author
Author Reader┃Unsubscribed
Feng Lihua, pen name: Weishu Li, Han ethnicity, Hebei people, bachelor degree. Senior professional manager, accountant. After experiencing glitz, I understand that inner fullness is really rich. Choose to change careers in middle age, be a simple person, and follow your fate.
Happy to read, good at output; happy to share, good luck. I am willing to do my best to preach beauty and transmit positive energy with the rest of my life.
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