Someone asked, "What kind of child does a child who has low self-esteem look like from an early age?" ”
The following netizens gave a high praise answer:
"Walk slowly, bow your head, meet people, shrink into a ball."
"Speak very quietly."
"Don't dare to look at people's faces"
"Try not to move, not to talk, not to laugh when there are many people..."
Why do small children have low self-esteem?
Most of the children's inferiority is related to the family environment and the parents' education methods.
Family education that causes children to feel inferior
In the process of children's growth, the main cause of children's inferiority is contrast, parents' excessive expectations, verbal blows denial, non-recognition, and even violence and other educational methods.
There is such a plot in the hit drama "In the Name of the Family": Li Jianjian scored the second to last, at the parents' meeting, the father and daughter were still happy to laugh at each other, Li Dad did not overly accuse his daughter, and the daughter's happiness was more important. And Qi Mingyue's mother's education is mainly based on continuous suppression, denial to motivate children, requiring her daughter to maintain the top five, hating her daughter and not picking clothes and ordering... The two children stood together, and we could clearly feel the sparkle of Li Jianjian and Li Mingyue's inexhaustible inferiority complex.
Sometimes more painful than scolding is the shame of nowhere to escape, when the emergence of individual self-awareness, children's self-esteem seedlings are slowly growing, they are eager to get parents, others to recognize.
A news report said that a graduating girl jumped off a building because of her failed grades and was verbally abused by her mother in public. Therefore, as a parent, in the process of educating children, we must keep our mouths shut, not expose the shortcomings of our children, and maintain our children's self-esteem, which is the biggest education for parents.
A child with low self-esteem can't live this life well
In the book "Inferiority and Transcendence", it is written that everyone has an inferiority complex to some extent, and how to treat and deal with this inferiority complex makes people different from others.
The famous director and actor Jiang Wen, a happy family and a successful career, can be regarded as a "winner in life" in the eyes of others, but in an interview, he revealed himself: he has not been a confident person, and this lack of self-confidence comes from his mother's education of him.
He talked about two things, one was that he was admitted to the Chinese opera and happily came to report the good news to his mother, who was not as happy as he was, but just casually put the notice and let him wash his clothes. Another thing is that Jiang Wen is famous, makes money, and wants to be filial to his mother, so he bought a suite for his mother, but his mother has not lived once. From childhood to adulthood, the more he longed for his mother's approval, the more humble he tried to please her.
Most parents love their children, which is an instinct, but respecting children requires parents to learn.
Maybe out of face, in front of people, we will say that our children are well-behaved, sensible, and caring, but when we get home, what we often hang on our lips is: comparison, no contention, scolding... As everyone knows, children are the ones who need to hear praise the most, and if you want to cultivate your child's self-confidence, you first start with respect for your child, and every child is the "Versailles" that you need to dig up and take good care of.
How to improve your child's self-confidence
Dr. James Dubson, an American psychologist, believes that a child's self-esteem is very important, and once lost, it is difficult to rebuild, and even if it is repaired, it needs a slow process. So without respect, all education is zero, and self-esteem is the basis of children's self-confidence.
The following 3 points are conducive to helping children build enough self-confidence, parents come and see.
Discover and affirm your child's shining points
Parents should unconditionally accept the child's imperfection, just like Faye Wong's daughter Li Yan was born with rabbit lips, I think the criticism received in her growth process should not be less, but Li Yan is still confident and excellent.
This mainly comes from the education of Faye Wong and Li Yapeng, who treated her as a normal child at the beginning, thinking that she was very beautiful, beautiful, no problem at all, giving full play to the child's shining point, she loved to draw, and parents did their best to cultivate their children.
Let go and let the child explore and try
The world is full of curiosity for children, when children want to try new things, we try to let children do it and choose under the premise of checking the safety barrier. The quality of the results can also cultivate children's independence and the habit of doing things thoughtfully.
Give respect and tolerate the child's faults
As parents, no matter how old the child is, we are accustomed to making choices for the child, so that the person who comes to think of himself is the best for the child. In fact, giving children the right to think independently and make their own decisions is a kind of respect for their children by parents, and it is also an equality. In addition, the child needs to apologize for the mistake, and the parent needs to apologize to the child if he is wrong.
The child's heart is very fragile, parents must let the child understand that no matter what happens, your love for him is unconditional, you are their strongest backing.
When children feel needed and bravely say "I can do it" to life, it will be the highlight of your family and the greatest comfort for parents.