Wen | snow fell without dust
Many people think that to love a person is to pour out their hearts and lungs for him, to give him no reservations, no bottom line.
But reality tells us we're wrong. To love a person is to give, but to give properly; to love a person is to be good to him, but to have reservations.
In love, we all have our own joys, never willing to blame each other, as if everything the other party does is to move you and is right.
Once you enter marriage, you will find that it is easy for two people to love each other, but it is difficult to form a family to live a life. If you want to grow old with a white head, it is not enough to rely on love.
In the face of the cruel reality, we have to admit that love a person should not be too full, love has ten points, give him seven points, leave three points for yourself. This is both a respect for him and a protection for himself.
In marriage, if you don't want to cross over and become more aggrieved, there are some things you don't touch.
01
A "bad evaluator" who doesn't do feelings
Being a person, you have self-knowledge, only by knowing what you are like, can you succeed in life.
However, many people have no self-awareness, always see the mistakes of others, and try to change others and become their favorite style.
But this is only in vain, people's personality habits are formed from an early age, and it is difficult to change themselves, let alone outsiders.
This is especially true in marriage. No matter how bad the relationship is, don't be a "bad evaluator" of each other's feelings.
The much-hyped divorce farce between Big S and Wang Xiaofei finally came to an end.
Big S was once very aggrieved, saying that "freezing three feet is not a cold day, and many details are unknown to everyone."
A ten-year marriage, with two children, can tell they worked hard, but ultimately lost to reality. The two people are different in many ways, the relationship can last for ten years, I believe that both sides have made a lot of efforts.
Big S said that it is time to divorce now, because Wang Xiaofei is still young, her career is successful, and it is easy to find a girlfriend with better conditions. Finally, she stressed: "Xiaofei and I will be eternal friends, parents of children. ”
There will be many kinds of marriages in the world, some happy and some unhappy, and the concepts and ways of each marriage management are also different.
For the marriage of Big S and Wang Xiaofei, although they were separated, the two people did not change from husband and wife to enemies, nor did they give each other the worst evaluation.
In marriage, when two people live together, do not casually give others bad reviews and hit each other's confidence in marriage. Even if you are separated one day, don't give a bad review, otherwise it will only shred the last bit of warmth.
The most taboo thing about feelings is that both husband and wife are each other's bad evaluators, and unscrupulously expose each other's old bottom in their feelings.
Husbands and wives are originally the same forest birds, all couples, gathering or scattering, there is no need to tear their faces. If you can be together, you can live a good life, even if you run away one day, you can get along and disperse.
02
Don't be each other's "babysitter"
There is a grandfather, more than 60 years old, online marriage, and an aunt to hold hands successfully.
Uncle and Aunt talked about getting married, and Auntie asked Uncle for 5,000 yuan. Uncle said, no problem, but you have to take care of me. That is to say, to be a free "nanny" of the uncle.
Auntie didn't agree, saying that I'm so old, I still want to be your babysitter? To get married is to find a partner, if so, what do you understand to find an old partner? Then don't get married, just pay for a babysitter!
"I take you as a husband, and you use me as a nanny", how many couples in real marriages are like this.
Surveys have shown that in 20 per cent of households, women take care of all the household chores; in 42 per cent of households, women do most of the housework.
Tu Lei said: "People who bear everything alone in love and life are the most stupid. ”
This reminds me of my cousin, who married from the countryside to the city, and it can be said that "the door is not right".
My cousin was small and not very pretty, but she had her advantages. My cousin reads a lot of books, has poetry and books in her belly, and has a set of education for children, and the children learn particularly well, and they are sensible and polite.
Although the cousin is from the countryside, she is very favored and respected by her in-laws.
Men who love you, even if you do nothing, like your cousin, will be valued by the whole family; men who don't love you, even if you do a free babysitter, will be despised by others.
You must know that the happiness of marrying people is not exchanged for "nannies", but in love, they infect each other and progress each other. Letting each other be recognized in each other's hearts is the biggest magic weapon for marital happiness.
Looking at many families, their "nanny theory" is undoubtedly the deepest weapon to hurt women, and how many women live tired under this argument.
Marriage is two people, it needs to work together with each other to meet the storms and rains of life together.
03
Not being an emotional "gambler"
In "Mr. Love", Gu Yao married a foreign country for his own happiness. But after her husband broke his faith in himself, he said: "In the first place, I should not have abandoned everything to believe in you." ”
But her husband replied, "I've raised you for so many years, and the wind can't blow or the rain can't rain." I'm working hard to make money, what are you doing? ”
Obviously, Lu Yao made a biggest bet on her husband and then lost the bet.
Many women are like this, thinking that finding a man who loves themselves can make their own lifelong "meal tickets".
However, you bet your happiness on men, using your own face. However, you also have the day of old age, and once you are old, men will be unreliable because your shelf life has passed.
Love, once linked to interests, is no longer true love, but an equal exchange of interests. You can get the chips you can exchange to win, and if you don't, you'll lose a mess.
As a woman, instead of gambling on your own happiness on men, it is better to bet on yourself, betting on your earning power and your own goodness.
Women, who have learned to make money, can be fearless. Being able to live without attachment to others is a woman's ability and the ability to survive.
There is a saying: "It is better to live beautifully than to live beautifully." ”
Only with the ability to live better and better can we exchange for unique happiness.
Wang Haiou said: "The hardest company in the world to run is the family, and the most difficult relationship is husband and wife. ”
Regardless of whether the marriage is good or not, there are one things you should avoid so as not to hurt yourself.
That is, not to be a "bad evaluator" of feelings, not to be a "nanny" of the other party, and not to be a "gambler" of feelings.
In marriage, only when both husband and wife help each other and love each other can they live happily.
The rest of our lives are not long, may we all run our own families well, live more like ourselves, find our own position, and have a better future.