Follow Belle Ann to see more exciting content▲
Wen | Li Er'er
Source | Super Nursery (ID: supernanny-ipcn)
Not long ago, I saw two news stories.
A little boy tries to lock himself in his room in order to avoid writing homework. But in a panic, he broke the door lock and was trapped in the house!
Fortunately, the firefighters arrived in time to use the life-saving ladder to rescue the little boy, which ended the farce.
In another piece of news, a fourth-grade girl is practicing stroke by stroke, as if it were a print.
The girl's father said that from the first grade, the girl began to teach herself, practicing strokes first and then handwriting. What's even more rare is that now that she is in the fourth grade, her homework is gradually increasing, and her time is not as generous as before, but she still squeezes out half an hour every day and practices without moving.
These two children, one locked himself in the room in order not to learn, and the other would rather play for half an hour less in order to learn. We all want to educate the second kind of child, but most people have to admit that their children are actually the first kind.
Some children can only rely on urging, from the end of school to sleep, wash their hands five times, eat five times, and write homework at least fifty times;
Some children can only rely on scolding, parents laugh and giggle, he will laugh and giggle to play Laipi; parents raise their faces, he reluctantly sits in front of the desk;
Some children can only rely on coaxing, writing a roll, rewarding ten minutes of play; completing homework in a subject, rewarding a cake.
Admittedly, these methods can be useful in the beginning, but in the long run, they are harmful to children and not beneficial.
The premise of good children's grades is to have independent learning ability, and the premise of independent learning ability is to have sufficient internal driving force. Parents interfere too much in their children's learning, which will only arouse the child's rebellious psychology.
The Irish poet Yeats said, "Education is not about filling a bucket of water, but about lighting a fire." ”
A bucket of water will gradually evaporate, becoming less and less, and a spark of stars can burn the plains.
Learning ability can benefit children for life, but unfortunately, many parents have unconsciously ruined their children's learning ability.
Teacher Chen Xi of super parenting shared that parents who affect their children's independent learning ability often step on three major minefields.
Minefield one
Urge the child, urge the child hard
One mother asked for help: "What should I do if my child procrastinates with homework?" ”
Teacher Chen Xi asked her: "As an adult, have you ever procrastinated in your work?" ”
The answer is yes. Before doing PPT, I always can't help but brush Taobao for a while, and customers who encounter difficulties always want to send WeChat to friends.
Rubbing is a way for us to relieve stress and adjust our state, but anxious parents, like an annoying alarm clock, will remind their children every once in a while: "You have done something wrong again!" ”
Over time, children will label themselves as "I'm stupid" and "I can't do it." A spark that occasionally bubbles up in the heart, without waiting for the parents to react, the child will first extinguish it himself.
In 1968, an American psychologist told a randomly selected group of students that you were the "best prospectives" that I considered.
After years of observation, psychologists have found that all the students on the list have made great progress in grades, have strong self-confidence, and show obvious curiosity.
Many parents think that education is a complicated matter, but in fact, after a simple and positive psychological cue to the child, parents can help the child establish a firm belief. This method is known as the "Pygmalion effect".
However, the negative Pygmalion effect can also have a great impact on children.
I understand that it is not easy for parents, but sometimes blurting out "grinding to death", "how stupid", "I don't want to be your mother", will really wear away the child's inner sense of security little by little.
If a child lives in panic all day, while receiving the negative energy in the anxiety of parents, while forcing himself to do homework in order to make his mother happy, what extra energy does he have to experience the joy of learning and find his inner love?
Therefore, Teacher Chen Xi suggested that if the child is rubbing, parents should leave time and space for the child. Discuss with your child the time to complete your homework before leaving the room for your child.
As long as the child can complete it within the specified time, a little rubbing for a while is actually harmless.
Minefield two
"Don't worry, Mommy's here to help you!"
There is a problem that has plagued countless parents:
"I criticized the child for not practicing the piano homework well, and the child came back with a sentence of 'you have the ability to come', I can't come, what should I do?"
Similar problems include:
"My kid is in the sixth grade, I can't teach math homework, what should I do?"
"The child doesn't listen carefully in class, let me teach her at night, but I'm afraid I'm wrong, what should I do?"
The misunderstanding of parents is that because they love their children too much, they always unconsciously take the tasks of their children to themselves. The task of the parents is to work, and the task of the children is to learn, and they can help each other, but they do not have to share with each other.
Teacher Chen Xi told a story of her own.
Once, when her daughter was wearing a skirt, the zipper was not pulled well, and she asked her mother for help. But Teacher Chen Xi deliberately pretended to be very busy and told her daughter to try to solve the problem herself first.
Sure enough, after a while, the daughter jumped over and told her that she had thought of a way to zip the zipper.
Indeed, there are some things that parents can do in three seconds, and children have to spend three minutes to do well. However, the price of the former is that we have to spend countless three seconds to help the child zipper, and the latter can let the child learn new skills for a lifetime.
The same is true for writing homework, instead of trying to help children do the work, it is better to learn to show weakness and let children solve problems on their own.
If you don't remember the content of the homework, then ask your classmates yourself; if you encounter a problem that you can't solve, then ask the teacher tomorrow.
Only when the parent returns the child's task to the child can the child pick up the spirit and take every challenge seriously, rather than habitually asking for help.
Only when children have personally experienced the process of effort-failure-effort-success can they draw self-confidence from success, think in their hearts that "I can do it", and actively face future challenges.
Minefield three
"After doing math homework, reward a ten-minute game"
If the urging of parents will make children more hesitant; excessive interference by parents will make children form dependence; then the last straw that destroys the child's internal drive is the parent's reward.
Teacher Chen Xi pointed out the misunderstanding of many parents in the live broadcast room: they regard themselves as the "relationship household" of their children's learning.
When you want your child to do your homework seriously, you say to your child, "After doing the reward ten-minute game"; when you want your child to take the test seriously, you say to your child, "Buy a pair of sneakers at 95 points".
It seems to motivate the child, but in fact, it is to wear down the child's enthusiasm. When excellent grades can be measured by additional rewards, then a balance will be erected in the child's heart: "A pair of shoes, is it worth my efforts?" ”
Two psychology professors from Stanford and the University of Michigan did a famous "drawing experiment."
They divided the children who originally liked to draw and could mainly animate into "reward groups" and "no reward groups" and observed their performance.
The results were unexpected, 16.7% of children without rewards would choose to draw, and only 8.6% of children with rewards would draw! Experiments have shown that substantial material rewards can directly weaken the child's internal drive.
So, how should parents cultivate their children's internal drive?
Teacher Chen Xi said: "Instead of racking their brains to become their children's 'learning relationship households', parents should let their children take the initiative to find a 'relationship household'. ”
It can be a good partner, and it can be a bully in the grade. Only when children have experienced dynamic competition, won and lost, and felt happy and sad, can they understand:
The essence of the effort is to be a better version of yourself with friends, not ten minutes of games and expensive sneakers.
Children with external drive rely on others, and children with internal drive rely on themselves.
This winter vacation is the third winter vacation since the epidemic, and it is also the first winter vacation since the double reduction, which is a great challenge for all parents and children.
For parents, the holidays are the best opportunity to cultivate their children's personal qualities; for children, holidays are a rare opportunity to achieve overtaking in curves.
Parental anxiety can affect the child's state;
Excessive interference by parents can undermine children's confidence;
The extra reward for parents will undo the child's motivation.
Do a good job of scientific winter vacation planning, help children spend a happy and fulfilling holiday!