The "divorce cooling-off period" has been in place for more than a year, and there are really fewer divorcees? What you have to know is these points...

Author: Zeng Xiaoliang Liu Hui

Editor: He Xinyang

Publisher: Marriage and Family Magazine

ID:hunyinyujiating99

Although people know that unhappy marriages can bring distress, divorce is not a happy thing for most people.

In order to reduce rash divorce and impulsive divorce, on January 1, 2021, the Civil Code of the People's Republic of China introduced a "divorce cooling-off period", which clarifies that within 30 days from the date of receipt of the divorce registration application by the marriage registration authority, if either party does not want to divorce, the divorce registration application can be withdrawn.

Today, the "divorce cooling-off period" system has been in place for more than a year, what is the effect? Let's take a look at the little married family.

01

The right medicine

"Hello, the divorce appointment registration has been completed, right?" Would you like to receive professional divorce counseling? A couple from Jinan City had just collected the materials needed for the formalities, and Xia Ye, a consultant who was waiting on the side, stepped forward and asked.

The woman rolled her eyes at him and said, "I don't have anything to counsel, why am I stopping me from getting a divorce?" Do you want to take this opportunity to knock me out a sum of money? The man on the side was silent, but secretly looked up at him.

Xia Ye has been satisfied, since 2017 he has been stationed in the marriage registration office to provide marriage counseling services, this kind of "contradictory divorce" often needs to be counseled separately. "Today, the marriage registration office only accepted the divorce application, and if it is resolute, the divorce registration will be officially carried out 30 days later." If the two of you are inconvenient today, you can briefly describe the reasons for the divorce, and then you can contact us at any time. ”

The next night, the man took the initiative to contact Xia Ye. After one-on-one and one-on-two counseling in the later stages, Xia Ye learned that their divorce seemed to have been a grudge for a long time, but many contradictions began with mutual incomprehension. In the woman's view, the man is still considerate of himself before marriage, but after marriage, he is busy with work, does not ask about housework and children, and even does not truthfully hand in living expenses. The woman was resentful and quarreled all day, and also made the parents of both sides know, the man took evasive measures and cold violence, the woman could not stand the "widowed marriage" and decided to divorce.

Xia Ye developed a set of "role play and practical exercises" counseling program for the couple's situation. "I want them to reacquaint themselves with this marriage through role swaps."

Through the 7-day role exchange, the husband slowly understood his wife's complaints after personally experiencing the trivialities of housework and a chicken feather, and the wife also experienced the cruelty and pressure of the last place elimination system of the enterprise, and found that it was not easy for her husband to work outside. The problem of living expenses is actually that the husband is making various financial investments, wanting to increase the income of the family but repeatedly frustrated, afraid of complaining and good face, so he hides everything.

Xia Ye also gave the couple a series of scale tests, such as what is the positive side of their marriage? What are the factors that plague the marital relationship? How can these factors be opened up and resolved? They finally calmed down after getting each other's scales. Later, the man sent WeChat to Xia Ye, saying that he did not plan to apply for divorce again at the end of the cooling off period, and they wanted to re-recognize this marriage.

"In fact, the biggest significance of divorce counseling is to guide the parties to see themselves clearly." Wang Zhonghong, a psychological counselor with 5 years of experience in divorce case counseling, believes that couples who choose divorce often have a period of emotional accumulation before and cannot rationally look at the advantages and disadvantages brought by divorce to themselves. Divorce counseling can give both parties a space to think calmly, second, it effectively avoids the emotional tension when both parties face each other, and third, it can introduce new ways of thinking for both parties.

Although the "divorce cooling-off period" has just been implemented for more than a year, divorce counseling has been in the bud more than a decade ago. In 2013, Wang Zhonghong and several friends were invited to the Marriage And Registration Office in Chaoyang District, Beijing as the first batch of marriage and family counselors to obtain qualification certificates to provide counseling and counseling for divorced parties.

The counselor divides the divorce into the following types, and after several inquiries, it is handled according to Tu Suoji:

Couples with impulsive divorce are generally younger, and there will be more factors in speech and behavior, such as gambling, complaining, mixing mouths, and comparisons, and such couples will recommend them for marriage counseling;

Contradictory divorce has deep grievances, one party insists on leaving, one party insists on not leaving, it takes a lot of energy to counseling and mediation, and the probability of divorce is half;

The state of the two people in the deliberate divorce is like a pool of stagnant water, lazy to say a word to each other, of course, there are a very few who simply fight at the wedding registration;

Finally, there is policy-based divorce, commonly known as "fake divorce", mostly for caravan money.

"The latter two will basically refuse any counseling, and divorce counseling has always been 'demonized' by many people, saying that our persuasion is to forcibly 'bind' couples and not let them divorce." In fact, our work is more like practicing medicine, and we want to save people who are willing to save themselves. We counselors ourselves have waded through the river of marriage, so we know that things that go against our hearts are untenable after all. ”

02

Calm is not a cold reception

For more than 20 years, in order to reduce the rate of irrational divorce and improve the stability of marriage, relevant departments across the country have made efforts to make various attempts.

The 1994 Regulations on the Administration of Marriage Registration (now invalid) stipulate a "review period", that is, the marriage registration management authority examines the parties' application for divorce, and within one month from the date of acceptance of the application, the divorce certificate is issued to those who meet the conditions for divorce, the marriage certificate is cancelled, and the parties dissolve the husband and wife relationship.

However, the Marriage Registration Ordinance promulgated in 2003 abolished the divorce review period, which simplified the divorce procedure and allowed the divorced parties to obtain a divorce certificate on the spot. To a certain extent, this increases the probability of impulsive divorce, some couples quarrel in the morning, divorce in the afternoon, regret when they sleep, and then go to the marriage registration office to queue up for remarriage.

In 2004, in order to reduce impulsive divorces, marriage registration centers in 19 districts and counties of Shanghai issued divorce notices to all couples who wanted to register for divorce, giving each other a calm break. At the same time, the civil affairs bureaus of Putuo District, Zhabei District, Songjiang District and other places in Shanghai have hired professionals in the marriage registration office to provide counseling and help for couples who want to divorce, and are regarded as one of the earliest areas in China to implement divorce counseling.

Since 2008, Zhejiang Province has followed suit and started to pilot marriage and family counseling services, and at present, 104 marriage registration offices in the province have achieved full coverage of divorce counseling work.

In 2012, Cixi City, Zhejiang Province, took the lead in piloting the "divorce cooling-off period" in Zhejiang Province. The marriage registration office also introduced the local "Sunflower Public Welfare Service Organization", which is counseled and counseled by professional counselors for couples on the verge of divorce, reducing hasty divorce and extreme behavior, and always adheres to the principle of voluntariness in the process of handling, carefully grasps the scope of application of the "divorce cooling off period", and at the same time provides professional divorce counseling, gives emotions an outlet, calms down and looks at marriage rationally, and has achieved good results.

As a national marriage customs reform experimental zone, 7 years ago, the civil affairs department of Yongji County, Jilin Province, cooperated with social organizations to make a series of lectures on family virtue education and resolving the contradiction between husband and wife into audio courses, which were released through the WeChat public account. In 2021, relying on the "divorce cooling off period" system, the divorce counseling system in Yongji County will be further improved, and the premarital counseling room, marriage and family counseling room, divorce counseling room, legal consultation room, and "Family Affairs Hundred Chat" WeChat service groups are readily available.

"Marriage is like a swimming pool, if you can't learn to swim, changing a pool will also choke on water." Xian Lihui, director of the Marriage Registration Office of the Yongji County Civil Affairs Bureau, said that with the progress of the times, divorce counseling has also changed from simply mediating to reducing divorce to finding new cooperation possibilities for both husband and wife.

In the past few years, most couples were more concerned about the consequences of divorce, and the purpose of divorce counseling was more to persuade the other party, and now they are more concerned about the current situation of marriage itself, hoping to explore new ways of getting along.

"Divorce counseling can reverse the incorrect concept of marriage to a certain extent, leading people to realize that marriage is a process and running a good marriage is an ability." It is precisely because of divorce counseling that the 'divorce cooling-off period' will not become a cold period, but a period of care for the parties to gain new cognition and master new abilities. ”

03

Minimizes damage

The "divorce cooling-off period" system has been in place for more than a year, and the effect is immediate. Judging from the feedback data from various places, the divorce rate is basically a sharp decline.

In the whole year of 2021, 8,089 divorces were registered in Qinghai Province, a decrease of 78.5%; the number of divorce registrations in Jinan, Shandong Province, decreased by 8,037 pairs year-on-year; and the number of divorce registrations in Chongqing Municipality fell by 44%... In terms of reducing impulsive divorce and maintaining the seriousness of marriage, the original intention of the policy has been realized.

The "divorce cooling-off period" also gives divorce counseling a clearer and more reasonable time. For example, the Beijing Civil Affairs Bureau stipulates that from 2021, marriage and family counseling work will become a necessary work procedure for marriage registration authorities, and the choice of "whether to accept marriage and family counseling" will be added to the divorce application process, which will effectively increase the probability of divorce parties receiving divorce counseling.

Liu Hui is a well-known family lawyer and a specially invited expert of a Beijing institution to launch the "Marriage, Family and Divorce Cooling-off Period Counselor" (advanced) professional skills training program. Liu Hui has seen many kinds of anger at the divorce window of the marriage registration office, and she believes that these angers stem from helplessness.

Some couples after submitting a divorce application learned that they could not divorce immediately, vented their emotions on the spot and even scolded each other, after returning home, the two people also had to live under a roof or continue to maintain contact, if coupled with family mixing, emotional accumulation, the contradiction increased during consultation, not only can not save the marriage, but also greatly increased the probability of civil conversion.

Some marriages are already on the verge of collapse, couples look at each other more than a glance is uncomfortable, to let them calm down and go through the procedure of divorce, it is really difficult for strong people, simply go directly to court. As a result, divorce "spills over" from the registered divorce of the Civil Affairs Bureau to the litigation divorce of the court.

In Liu Hui's view, the key to making the "divorce cooling off period" more effective lies in how the couple does in this period, and these need divorce counseling to inform, guide and help:

If it is an impulsive divorce, it is necessary to focus on the content of spiritual growth, marriage counseling and mediation, to help both husband and wife understand each other, improve cognition, and re-see what the marriage looks like;

If it is a deliberate divorce, it is necessary to focus on more realistic communication and negotiation such as child support, property division, and elderly support, to help couples come up with the best plan and minimize the harm of divorce to several families;

If domestic violence, infidelity or more serious problems are involved, victims are encouraged to take evidence and report, go through legal procedures, and provide trauma treatment services.

Divorce may seem like a personal affair, but it is actually a major event related to social stability. When the marriage is sick and begins to fall apart, we need divorce counseling, professional people, reliable organizations, take us to recognize ourselves and each other, get out of the fog of separation and inseparable, and rationally treat everyone involved in this marriage.

In the "divorce cooling-off period", the 30-day "time threshold", what we should try to do is not to let more people be trapped in the threshold, but to persuade, guide, advise, and try to give them an outlet in this buffer zone.