Thanks for this romantic encounter
What you are not aware of becomes your "destiny"
22.04.29 10:00PM Miss you.
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When faced with conflict, will you choose to quarrel directly or silent cold war?
Many people around me will choose silence for nothing more than these three reasons: hurt feelings, no need, do not know how to argue.
However, the silent Cold War will also hurt feelings, and it is easy to hurt the body when you hold your breath, so that the problem will ferment.
Arguing isn't necessarily a bad thing, because "confronting conflict" is itself an ability needed to manage relationships.
01.
Avoidance of conflict is actually avoidance of relationships
A wife always complains that her husband does not quarrel, and others feel confused: Is it not a good thing not to quarrel?
She said: "I have a fire in my stomach that is about to gush out of him, but he said that anger hurts the body, so rest early." Or simply ignore me and leave me alone to sing a monologue.
That cold feeling makes me feel even angrier, and I'll think, I'm so uncomfortable, why are you still in the mood to sleep, how can you be so indifferent?! ”
Her emotions have nowhere to go, and she has to suppress them strongly, so the conflict in their relationship has not been positively responded to and resolved, and the relationship is precarious.
In fact, the needs that my wife wants to express behind her emotions are: You are my husband, I hope you can see my anger at this moment, you can comfort me, understand me, I am in pain.
And the husband expressed with an evasive attitude: You make me very afraid like this, I can't afford to provoke you, so I have to hide from you.
When conflict is avoided, neither side sees each other's needs.
Because of her husband's cold and hard attitude, the wife feels lonely and aggrieved, even desperate.
The husband looks calm, but what is suppressed in his heart is also anger and helplessness.
On the surface, he is walking on thin ice to maintain a seemingly harmonious and conflict-free relationship between two people, but in fact, his emotional feelings are isolated in his own world, unable to be released, and no one else can enter.
Such a relationship is difficult to maintain. Even if it can be long-lasting, it may be exchanged for scaly wounds all over the body.
So, is conflict really that scary?
02.
Confronting conflict,
It will make your relationship closer
The more intimate the relationship, the more frequent and violent the conflict. Because only intimate relationships can give us the opportunity and space to show our true emotions.
You can be angry with your parents, even quarreling, but you don't run around and argue with unfamiliar people.
Why can't we be as polite to our loved ones as we are to strangers?
The emotional connection between strangers is very fragile and cannot withstand the emotional beast within you, and intimacy has a very powerful function - to withstand conflict.
You know in your heart that no matter how angry you are with your parents, they are still your parents. As long as you call them, they will still promise you the same, this is blood thicker than water affection, emotional connection has been since your birth.
You also believe in your heart that even if you argue with your partner, your partner will not really say to leave and leave.
We don't argue with strangers because we don't care about relationships with strangers. Only a person who cares about this relationship very much will desperately want the other party to understand and care, and will not tire of making noise.
03.
The essence of conflict is the desire for intimacy
Therefore, facing the conflict and seeing the signal that the other party desires intimacy can make the relationship between two people closer.
Let the conflict occur naturally, only then will we know the problem between two people, and we will strive to grow together to find the direction to solve the problem.
If one day, your conflict really disappears, perhaps the last trace of emotion between you will disappear with it.
When you begin to understand that conflict is part of an intimate relationship and try to confront it, perhaps just by making an adjustment in attitude, the relationship inadvertently gains a new outlet.
The person who avoids conflict can talk to the other person about why he is afraid of conflict. Maybe it's because I've seen too many parents arguing in the past; maybe it's because I'm afraid that if I get angry, the other party will leave me; maybe I'm not good at expressing my emotions...
The person who wants to respond to the conflict can also talk to the other party about why they are eager for conflict. Maybe it's trying to confirm the other person's feelings; maybe it's trying to test whether the other person will never leave him...
No matter how you choose to interact with each other, the most important thing is to convey your feelings to each other.
However, you may already be willing to do this in your heart, but when the conflict comes, you still feel "unspeakable". You may feel embarrassed, you may be worried about the other person's opinion after saying it.
It doesn't matter, facing conflict head-on is also an ability that requires step-by-step practice. There's a low-cost but efficient way to practice it: talk to a dedicated listener.
In the conversation, you need to describe the conflict events and emotional crises you have experienced, and this description itself can help you practice "how to stay organized when emotional stress is high";
You can confide your feelings and thoughts without hesitation – many people who can't face the conflict, the feelings and thoughts during the conflict are chaotic, so they can't be expressed.
But here in the listener, you can think of what to say, the listener will accept it unconditionally, and then help you to clear them one by one, so that in the next conflict, you can also hear your own voice and express it.
You'll also get more specific advice from the listener on the incident. For example, the personalities of you and your husband are very different, what should you say when facing the conflict, what is the order of expression, and what tone and rhythm should be used? Wait a minute.
Talking is a process of combing the heart and returning to calm, so that we have the ability to think and find answers.
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