Wan Chunmei's husband, Liang Dahe, died unexpectedly due to a work injury and received a pension of 500,000 yuan. Because her husband had told his co-workers before he died that if he had an accident in the future, all the property would be left to his mother and children, so the unit directly hit the money to Wan Chunmei's mother-in-law, Mrs. Liang, on the card.
Therefore, the two mother-in-law and daughter-in-law almost went to court because of this money.
At first glance, the "mother-in-law dispute" between Mrs. Liang and Wan Chunmei is about money. However, when Yang Guang rushed to mediate, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law had been talking around the child. Mrs. Liang is worried that Wan Chunmei will take away her grandson in the future by remarrying, and Wan Chunmei is bitter about her mother-in-law always saying bad things about her in front of her children.
So, this "mother-in-law dispute" is whether it is money, children, or something else?
money.
Wan Chunmei's son Lin Lin has been brought by his grandmother since he was a child, and his relationship with his grandmother is better than that of his mother, since the death of his father, his grandmother and his mother have not stopped arguing, which makes the child very embarrassed, so the child pretends to be "kidnapped" and plans a run away from home.
When Mrs. Liang and Wan Chunmei found that the child was missing, both of them were anxious to take the money out to "save" the child. It can be seen that in the hearts of the two of them, children are more important than money.
In the process of mediation, Mrs. Liang also said that as long as the daughter-in-law left her grandson to her, she was willing to give her the pension. Wan Chunmei said that she would not give her the child even if she died.
From this point of view, money is only a cause of quarrel between them, and the real purpose is not for money, at least, money is not the main factor.
child.
It seems more reasonable to say that they are fighting for children than money. But just to be.
Why? Because from the most intuitive surface we can see that the reason why Mrs. Liang wants to fight with her daughter-in-law for the child is because her son is gone, and she is worried that the daughter-in-law will remarry and take the child.
But if that's all there is to it, then before Liang Dahe's accident, they should be at peace. But in fact, another focus of the quarrel between Mrs. Liang and Wan Chunmei was who forced Liang Dahe away.
Mrs. Liang and Wan Chunmei both believed that the other party said bad things about themselves in front of Liang Dahe and provoked the relationship between them, forcing Liang Dahe to go out to work.
It can be seen that as early as when Liang Dahe was alive, the two mother-in-law and daughter-in-law were already "fighting". Obviously, they are not fighting for children.
Husband, son.
Speaking of which, you may feel that the two of them should really fight for Liang Dahe. Then the new question comes again, if it is a battle for Liang Dahe, why has this struggle not stopped after Liang Dahe died?
Let's first look at this passage that Mrs. Liang said:
"When my son married his daughter-in-law, I couldn't look at the daughter-in-law here, I was lazy and lazy, she didn't do any work, she wouldn't do it, she wouldn't take the children, the family work was done by my old lady, she wasn't satisfied with it, every day she instigated her son to fight against me, and had to force my son to send me back to my hometown..."
Based on this passage alone, we may not be able to see who is right and who is wrong, but it is clear that this mother-in-law did not like her daughter-in-law from the beginning. Because she doesn't like it, so she can't get used to it, so she will naturally be dissatisfied with everything her daughter-in-law does. She was particularly dissatisfied with her daughter-in-law's instigation of her son to send her back to her hometown.
You see there is a paradox here, you are not accustomed to the daughter-in-law, but you want to live together, and then you have to measure the daughter-in-law according to your own standards, the daughter-in-law can not yet propose to let the mother-in-law leave.
What does this mean? It shows that the mother-in-law is to be the master of the family of the daughter-in-law. She did not feel that this home was the home of her daughter-in-law, but the home of her son, and the daughter-in-law was an outsider, who could only accept her criticism and could not be dissatisfied with her.
For this mother-in-law, how does Wan Chunmei evaluate it?
"I married from out of town, I don't know anyone here, their family members have partnered to bully me, I have been wronged and have no place to say, my mother-in-law told her son that I was bad, and my son also said bad things about me, and the neighbors said all over the world, saying that I was a bad woman, bad for her, bad for her son, she wanted me to get out of this family quickly..."
This also verifies the idea that Mrs. Liang wants to be the master of the daughter-in-law's home, because the mother-in-law is the master in this family, so as a wife, she has no sense of belonging at all, and feels that she is isolated and bullied in this family, so it is not difficult to understand that she wants her mother-in-law to leave.
Their struggle for Liang Dahe is essentially not a competition for this person, but for the position of the "hostess" of this family, and for the dominance and discourse power of this family.
In their eyes, whoever the man is on is on the side is equivalent to who has taken the lead in the family, so it seems that the mother is fighting for the son and the daughter-in-law is fighting for the husband.
hostess.
Why is there a scramble for the "hostess position"? As we all know, the main body of marriage is husband and wife, if the husband is the male master of this family, the wife should undoubtedly be the hostess of this family.
The factors here are actually very complex, and they will vary from place to place. For Mrs. Liang, there are two main aspects:
First, she failed to become a hostess in her own marriage and needed to make up for it through her son's family.
Mrs. Liang's own marriage is not happy, her husband listens to her mother's words, and her mother lets her beat her, and he will really beat her. In such a family, as a wife, she will feel that only her son belongs to her, and the son is all her sustenance and hope, and has become her own private property.
Then when her son got married, she naturally had a feeling that she had finally survived, thinking that she could raise her eyebrows and breathe, and this place of raising her eyebrows was her son's home.
Second, her concept of "male superiority over female inferiority" is deeply rooted.
From mrs. Liang's desire to fight with her daughter-in-law for the custody of her grandson, we can see that her concept is very conservative, she feels that her grandson is the bloodline of their Liang family, and she is more qualified to have this child than her daughter-in-law. Therefore, in her eyes, the daughter-in-law is a tool for passing on the generations.
A mother-in-law with this concept is destined to treat her daughter-in-law as an outsider, and she is also doomed to her marriage not to be happy. This seems to have entered a cycle, and her own misfortune will be compensated for by her son's marriage in the future.
Did you find it? The root cause of this "mother-in-law dispute" actually lies in the mother-in-law's concept in the final analysis. Of course, the mother-in-law has such a concept, which is also worthy of sympathy, because she will not only hurt her son's family, but she herself will be hurt by this ignorance.
So, I really hope that when you become a mother-in-law, you can have a certain sense of self-reflection. Don't think about fighting with your daughter-in-law in everything. You have to understand that no matter what you want to fight for, it is your own son who will ultimately hurt. Your son is married, he and his daughter-in-law are one and the same, you can't do anything like hurt your daughter-in-law and make your son happy.
That being the case, isn't it good to learn to let go?
About the author: Meet and miss, a woman who likes to read and write, focusing on the creation of articles in the emotional field and the analysis and answer of emotional questions, I hope that my words can accompany you warmly forward.