16 years ago, Dong Yong (pseudonym) had no choice but to break up with his first love. The reason is that Dong Yong's family conditions are very poor, and the other party's family is unwilling. Dong Yong followed his father's advice and wanted to find a girl with family conditions to marry a girl who was not too bad.
Dong Yong met Li Dan (pseudonym), who was similar in age, through the introduction of relatives. Li Dan fell in love with the tall and handsome Dong Yong at first sight, and Dong Yong also liked the innocent Li Dan.
Therefore, Li Dan and Dong Yong naturally interacted. Two years later, Li Dan married Dong Yong. Everything should look like happiness, but their lives are full of ups and downs.
Li Dan was born in a well-off family, but because her father was a soldier and was always very strict with her, she lacked fatherly love from an early age. After entering the marriage with Dong Yong, she is very eager to get this missing father's love from Dong Yong. However, the husband and the father are different, and the husband can never give her this love.
Dong Yong lost his mother at an early age, raised by his father alone, and his father, who was busy making a living, did not give him much attention, and he did not know how to love.
One of them has excessive needs, one does not know how to meet, and eventually there will be irreconcilable contradictions.
When Li Dan first made a small character, Dong Yong would come up and stiffly coax a few words: "Well, such a small thing, forget it", "Don't be angry, I didn't mean it", "It's not good for me, you don't get angry, okay".
However, Li Dan did not appreciate it, she felt that Dong Yong's way of coaxing people was too perfunctory and insincere, and every time Dong Yong coaxed her to get angrier and angrier. In the long run, Li Dan was angry, Dong Yong had a headache, and he thought that since I was getting worse and worse, I simply didn't coax.
Therefore, the picture that often appears later is that Li Dan is preaching reason with arrogance, while Dong Yong is silent on the side, or simply slamming the door and walking away. However, Dong Yong's way of avoiding communication did not solve the problem, and the result was that Li Dan made more and more trouble in front of Dong Yong.
Calming down, Li Dan felt that he had done too much and would go to please Dong Yong. And Dong Yong did not appreciate it, but felt that Li Dan was very despicable, and would also utter evil words such as "your parents did not educate you well", "you are too bad, this will not be, that will not be".
Even though there are many discord in life, there is no lack of warm memories, which makes them reluctant to give up this marriage.
For example, Li Dan always remembers that when he gave birth to a child, Dong Yong wept because he hurt her. Dong Yong is also grateful for Li Dan's contribution to raising children.
In the blink of an eye, they've been married for 14 years. Dong Yong has completely become a man who does not like to go home on social media, and Li Dan has also become the wife of the chaff who gives everything for the family on the moral high ground.
Their ability to run marriages didn't get stronger with age.
When Dong Yong came back late from playing cards, Li Dan scolded him, did not allow him to go to bed, and kicked him with his feet, and Dong Yong ignored her.
When Dong Yong asked her friends to drink outside, she threatened Dong Yong and said, "At some point and somewhere, I must see you, otherwise I will smash your precious mahogany chair", Dong Yong will appear according to her request, but he is becoming more and more indifferent.
Li Dan accepted such a marriage and snickered that he still had a way to control men. What she didn't know was that these acts were ruining the marriage little by little.
Their intimate relationship seems to be inseparable, but it is actually fragile.
Just then, an uninvited guest appeared between them.
Dong Yong's first love Qingqing divorced, and he contacted Dong Yong, and after knowing that Dong Yong's marriage was unhappy, he proposed to continue the frontier with Dong Yong.
If you are Dong Yong, a chicken feather married life and a white moonlight first love, who do you choose?
In fact, at that time, Dong Yong did not make a choice quickly.
However, the paper can not contain the fire, Li Dan found that Dong Yong and his first love have a connection, excitedly took a knife to threaten Dong Yong to break clean. Dong Yong looked at this tough woman who was out of control and felt very frightened, so he called the police. In the end, this farce ended with Dong Yong filing for divorce and moving out of his home.
Li Dan was reluctant to agree to divorce, so he helped Dong Yong hire a lawyer who was good at divorce for the lawyer's first love.
After Dong Yong moved away, Li Dan couldn't sleep all night, thinking about his past words and behaviors over and over again, and deeply realized his mistakes in more than ten years of marriage. She found us through the Internet and hoped that professional teachers could help her correct her own wrong behavior and make her husband change his mind.
In order to help her effectively save her husband, I first did a marriage style test for her and assessed the quality of her marriage from six dimensions:
The first is the dimension of domination and obedience, which tests whether the husband and wife can consult with each other when making decisions, and the data shows that Li Dan alone controls the decision.
The second is the dimension of sensitivity, which detects the speed of perception of changes in her husband's inner feelings and emotions, and the speed of perception of her own inner feelings and emotions, and the data shows that Li Dan and Dong Yong are relatively blunt.
The third is the dimension that needs to be met, this test is whether the husband and wife can meet each other's needs, the data shows that Li Dan and Dong Yong are only concerned about their own needs, and rarely pay attention to the needs of their husbands. The fourth is to understand the dimension of mood, this test is whether the couple can finally understand the husband's inner feelings and emotions, the data shows that Li Dan and Dong Yong can not do it.
The fifth is the boundary dimension, which tests whether the husband and wife can find a balance between intimacy and distance, and the data shows that Li Dan is too intimacy and Dong Yong is too estranged.
The sixth is the relationship dimension, which tests whether the relationship can be discussed between husband and wife, and the data shows that Li Dan is willing to discuss it, but Dong Yong is unwilling.
Secondly, I helped her with sex tests, and the data showed that they were basically satisfied with each other.
Again, I helped her do an emotional intelligence test, and the data showed that her emotional intelligence was low.
Again, it is a test of security, and the data shows that the sense of security is low.
After learning about Li Dan's situation, I developed an exclusive redemption plan for her:
Improve emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is mainly divided into four aspects to improve:
The first aspect is to "make yourself happy and make others happy."
The second aspect is to achieve "external people and things change, and she can still maintain inner peace."
The third aspect is learning to "deal with internal conflicts and see things from reality."
The fourth aspect is learning to "serve the goal, not the feeling." In order to help her apply theory to real life, I will teach her to deal with the things around her in her daily life.
Shape-built
Li Dan's age is close to 40 years old, and we recommend that women over 30 years old should dress according to their 20s. This is a bit strange to say, but look at the stars of the entertainment industry to understand, such as Yi Nengjing, Zhou Huimin, although they have wrinkles on their faces, but the dress is young, it will not make people feel very strange, but will make people think that they are very attractive.
Women should dress boldly and high-profile, because men are eager for their wives to play the "lover role", and they subconsciously like women who look younger, more beautiful and more passionate.
On top of the outfit, I'll help her pick the right outfit for her; on makeup, I'll help her pick the right eyebrow shape and lipstick color; and in terms of body, I urge her to be active.
Under the impetus of these external changes, Li Dan's psychological state has gradually changed, and she has become more peaceful and more confident.
Cope with the persecution of your husband
Because Li Dan was unwilling to divorce, Dong Yong had already appealed, and after the first trial, the second trial began half a year later. Because this time span is very large, Dong Yong is very impatient, Li Dan needs to deal with Dong Yong's persecution and threats from time to time, which I will teach her to deal with one by one.
The most impressive time for me was that Dong Yong returned home to talk to Li Dan about divorce, Li Dan did not agree, Dong Yong went to the kitchen with a sigh of relief and took a knife to cut all the wedding photos at home, and the children on the side cried in fright.
There are many similar things that Li Dan could not cope with before receiving consultation. During the guidance period, every time they met face-to-face, Li Dan's reaction to the matter could refresh Dong Yong's understanding of her.
At the second instance trial of the court, Li Dan also wrote a reply with my help, calmly coped, and won the case beautifully. Dong courageously blocked all the contact information of Li Dan and the child. Positive construction in relationships
On this point, I taught her four positive beliefs:
The first is positive stability. This article contains two aspects, the first of which is the positive stability of the husband's opinion. The second aspect is the positive stability of one's own cultivation.
The second is that no matter what happens to the interaction between the two people, they must treat the other person as a mirror to reflect on themselves.
The third is to nourish each other on the basis of mutual respect. How to nourish without control? How do you need it without relying on it? It's like a person walking on a tightrope rope, and it's not easy to walk steadily while maintaining balance.
The fourth is to pay more attention to mental cause and effect, and not to the cause and effect of things.
I have to say that Li Dan is a very remarkable woman, during the guidance period, she not only implemented the plan very seriously, but also took the initiative to read some psychological materials and applied for a psychological counselor.
With Li Dan's unremitting efforts, her husband's attitude also began to change slowly.
When she learned that her father-in-law was ill, without informing her husband, she took the initiative to take on the responsibility of her daughter-in-law and went to the hospital to take care of her father-in-law. When Dong Yong saw it, he didn't say anything, but took the initiative to send her home, sat down at home, and naturally took the garbage away when he left.
When relatives in his hometown invited guests, Dong Yong invited Li Dan to return to his hometown to eat wine together, and along the way he took the initiative to talk to her and her children, and slept in a bed with Li Dan at night. After eating wine in his hometown, Dong Yong took Li Dan and his children to climb the mountain for a long time.
This year's Lantern Festival, Li Dan invited Dong Yong to go home to eat tangyuan, the family and Hemei, Li Dan proposed to let Dong Yong go home to live, Dong Yong did not object. After dinner, the couple went to the park for a walk and talked.
Dong Yong took the initiative to talk about Xiao San:
"Qingqing attributed her marital misfortune to my abandonment of her many years ago and my ex-husband's problems, after the divorce she did not want children and did not want me to have children, I can not accept. Moreover, I found that Qingqing also has a lot of problems, and I will not be happy with her. ”
Li Dan listened quietly, and when Dong Yong finished speaking, she said:
"Husband, thank you for making the right choice and giving me and my children a complete family. It is not fair for Qingqing to blame you for the misfortune of marriage. Before, the contradictions between us were not irreconcilable, and now I know why. Qingqing is reluctant to accept the child because she does not have the ability to take the child well, and I am confident and believe that I will do better in the future. ”
Dong Yong found that Qingqing had become vulgar and selfish in front of the elegant and decent Li Dan, and his heart naturally favored Li Dan and sincerely apologized to Li Dan. Later, Dong Yong returned to his family.
These are all expected results, and Li Dan will become happier and happier.
Instructor of this case: Li Huadong
Tutor's message
The process of redemption is a process of cultivation, and when you are successful in recovering, you will also be successful in cultivation. Happiness comes from practice, not redemption. Because you have practiced well and the other party has approved of you, he will come back.