Hello station manager, I and my husband have been married for 4 years, our emotional foundation is actually very good, he was very considerate to me at that time, but since I got married, I have become an old mother, my job is not as good as him, and the last two years are facing layoffs, so that now sometimes I talk to him and I love to answer or even full of humiliation and sarcasm.
Of course, what I said myself may not be good, the current marriage relationship, really very depressed and painful, such a marriage can still be saved?
Many people wonder why two people who loved each other so much at the beginning became indifferent or even hateful after marriage, some people blamed themselves for being blind and chose the wrong person, and some people gave up on themselves that marriage was a "grave" And it seemed unfortunate that it was inevitable.
Let's leave it aside whether love can really be eternal, because there are no eternal emotions in the world, but what do you think is the basis for long-term feelings, especially in marriage, that can keep the other party respectful of themselves? Face, body, or excellent cooking?
What really keeps you in a relationship and maintains long-term respect is not simply external, it simply sums up in two words, which is what you can provide - value.
Starting with a relationship, why did you choose this person? Usually attracted to the other party, but also feel that he (she) can bring a sense of happiness to themselves during the relationship.
Why do some people pursue it so desperately? It is because of this person's certain attraction that makes it worth it. The emotional value you bring to the other person or the satisfaction of vanity are the embodiment of value.
However, entering marriage is not the end of happiness, but the turning point of life, so if a person's attraction and value at that time do not match the changed situation, the attitude of the people around them will change to varying degrees.
It is said that love at first sight is often a sight to behold, which is not pejorative, good feelings and likes will never be without reason, this person can make himself willing to pay, there must be some value advantage.
The essence of marriage is the exchange of values, economic values, emotional values and even the satisfaction of desires, and the definition of everyone's needs for value will change with their age and situation.
However, in marriage, when their own advantages gradually decrease with the irreversible factors of time and the factors of mentality, then the probability of being replaced may occur at any time.
So many people after marriage are complaining about sadness, not understanding that they have paid so much, but in exchange for being slighted and betrayed in the relationship, in fact, it is very simple, that is, in this relationship, the value you produce is implicit or even in the cognition of the other party is not up to standard and worthless.
Why do couples divorce? The reasons are varied, but in fact, under the surface are nothing more than these triggers:
Your initial value attracts him or her, but tries to consume a lifetime of relationships with raw values, without making adjustments and changes in time to match each other's needs.
When the passion fades, into real life, or as we grow older, the original conditions are no longer there, the aesthetics of the mood will change, and they will lose the bridge of initial connection.
Your value is only the value of self-righteousness, and in the family that is running, you cannot provide what is manifested, that is, you have less profit, and when the company called "home" pays is not proportional, it also makes one party feel that the mentality is unbalanced.
Under the perception of the other party, you can neither provide the value you need, nor can you become a domestic slave who looks up to yourself in a low posture, then you may choose another person because of the emotional accumulation explosion.
One is constantly enterprising, full of desire, and the other is stagnant and enjoys comfort.
When the vision changes, the other party is still in the same place, the distance between the two is far away, and when they encounter new temptations or people who are more suitable for themselves, they will choose to give up and choose again.
The change in the attitude of the lover in the marriage relationship, in addition to the exposure of the nature of innate literacy, the more fundamental core lies in the inadequacy and diminishing value of oneself.
In addition to increasing value and trying to change in the details of getting along, the author of Dr. Chapman's "Five Languages of Love" has given some practical cases, many couples can't find a feeling of love when they live, or can't feel the love of their spouses. It is inevitable to ask ourselves: Where has our love gone?
In fact, many couples do not have no love at all after marriage, but improper management, which will make love disappear in the long river of marriage.
There are five words of love proposed in this book, namely "words of affirmation", "careful moments", "receiving gifts", "acts of service", and "physical contact".
Marriage and love period "falling in love" is different, love period is easy to be guided by their own illusions, will be exaggerated under the advantage of the value of the other party is perfect, but also think that such feelings will be long or better, but after the real marriage everything is different.
The book focuses on the five languages of communication in marriage, each of which, when used properly, can qualitatively change the marital relationship.
Words of affirmation
From pre-marital romance to post-marital tea rice oil and salt, couples' attitude towards each other can easily change from mutual appreciation to mutual criticism and dissatisfaction.
Our income, can not say to improve to increase, but verbal affirmation of praise can also make the other party produce superior happiness.
No one likes to be criticized and blamed, which not only can not bring the other party the power to change themselves, but will stimulate inner disgust and dissatisfaction
Even if your suggestion is right, pay attention to ways and methods, and give the other party enough support and encouragement to generate motivation to improve.
Elaborate moments
Modern life is hectic and cumbersome, and there are really very few effective and high-quality companions, so it is important to leave a "careful moment" for your partner
The meaning of the careful moment does not simply refer to you, but requires both parties to really interact with each other and really focus on each other.
Accept gifts
Gifts are the props for the transmission of boring life emotions, and they are also a way to maintain emotions.
In a bland married life, giving your partner romance and surprises, then giving him (her) a gift can play a role in enhancing intimacy.
Actions of service
Love in marriage really does not need too many sweet words, but put into practice, love you only stay on the mouth, can only make the other party feel hypocritical. Only by having sincerity and really proving it with actions can you express your feelings.
On the train of life, only by actively willing to be the waiter of the other party can we ensure that we can work together to reach the destination.
Physical contact
Physical contact is a way to communicate emotions, but also a powerful tool to communicate the love of marriage, too many couples once they enter the marriage has become a roommate relationship with the dormitory, and even with the weakening of the relationship, simply keep a distance, forming a cold relationship of false sexual intimacy.
More intimate contact, closer together, will ease the impasse that has faded.
Running a marriage is not a one-time process, but a long journey, patience and tenacity are always the basic skills to eventually achieve happiness.
Of course, in addition to the five love codes shared by the author, more critically, or the improvement of their own value, your value is high, naturally in the interaction will be more effective, and if it is an unemployed person who needs to be supported by the other party, all efforts may only be considered as the low self-esteem of protecting their long-term meal tickets.
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Text/Relief Emotional Station
(Author: Xiao Yu, psychological counselor, focusing on the emotional field), good at the restoration of romantic relationships, marital contradictions and differences, and the healing of psychological trauma caused by the original ecological family. The lonely journey of life, listening to your grievances and pressures, helping visitors improve their skills in getting along with the sexes, saving their lovers, managing their feelings, and striving to become happier people.