The best criterion for testing marriage: sleep

Listen to happiness with you every night

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Author 丨Weilan

Source 丨 Ten Point Reading (ID:duhaoshu)

Some time ago, I watched a short video that was very touching:

The same couple, some sleep in each other's arms, some sleep with their mobile phones back to back, and some sleep in separate beds.

How to sleep, at first glance, is just a trivial matter in life.

After careful consideration, I found that the so-called happiness is hidden in the details.

The happier the marriage, the more it is necessary to accumulate a full sense of happiness in these trivialities.

As the writer Sanmao said: "Love, if it is not implemented in the real life of dressing, eating, counting money, and sleeping, is not easy to last forever." ”

And the best criterion for testing marriage is sleep.

01

Sleep in separate beds, divide is the distance

Some people say that the first killer of marriage is not cheating, but sleeping in separate beds.

At the "Talk Show Conference" that year, Si Wen became famous for the passage of "living husband and wife as brothers", and so did her real married life at that time, the husband and wife slept separately and were independent of each other.

This marriage model was also envied by countless people for a while.

However, it didn't take long for the "roommate" to become a "true brother" and the two divorced.

Si Wen once said that both people are busy, and in the second year of marriage, the two people began to sleep in separate rooms.

The communication between them is more at work and less emotional.

Including SiWen's surgery and the death of his relatives, her ex-husband Cheng Lu was not with him. It is conceivable that those lonely sleepless nights are all Si Wen alone and lonely to sleep.

When their marriages came to an end, looking back, the labels of these new marriages all seem so funny.

As Xu Zhimo once said: "The loneliness of feelings, probably lies in love and liberation, and cannot be completely complete." ”

Sleeping apart makes it very easy to put each other into this lonely and helpless state.

And some gaps, once opened, can never go back.

Junichi Watanabe tells the story of a couple who, after the birth of their daughter, his wife Shimako always had to get up at night to take care of the children, and her husband moved to another bedroom in a sad way.

Not sleeping together, the wife's hard work of taking care of her daughter at night, the husband naturally can't see; in the same way, the husband's annoyance for work, the wife can't understand, the two people gradually become strangers under the same roof.

I thought it would be okay to make it up like this, until a chance, Shogo accidentally discovered Shimako's diary.

She writes:

We forget important things, and unconsciously, we feel that our husbands are not at home for granted, neither lonely nor attached.

Two people who do not sleep together have their own hearts, and such a marriage is like an empty shell.

The most feared thing between husband and wife is that they are less intimate with each other, and slowly close their hearts to each other.

Zhang Jiajia once said: "Everyone's strength is a soft and raw cocoon. ”

And in marriage, the last thing you need is this kind of strength.

Sleeping separately seems to have quietly built a high wall between two people, and when it is insurmountable, the marriage can no longer be maintained.

02

Sleep together, sleep intimately

Someone asked: What is the best marital state?

One of the answers, though short but brilliant, was: they quarreled, but they did not stay overnight, and even if they quarreled during the day, they slept in each other's arms at night.

Seeing this answer, I suddenly thought of a chat with a friend, and a friend said that the principle of my quarrel was that I had to solve the problem on the same day and then sleep together.

Just when everyone was admiring, someone suddenly interrupted and said: "Like when we sleep in separate beds, people turn their heads and close the door to sleep, and you don't have any tricks." ”

Perhaps, this is a true portrayal of many people in marriage.

Although living under one roof, couples also need intimate space to sleep together, otherwise some small contradictions will gradually accumulate and gradually become larger, affecting the relationship between husband and wife.

Some people say that having someone to accompany you when you sleep may be an emotional need that is often overlooked.

What affects the quality of marriage is often these inconspicuous sesame trivia.

This can't help but remind people of the model couple cai Shaofen and Zhang Jin in the entertainment industry, Cai Shaofen once confessed that she and her husband Zhang Jin had an agreement: at any time, they would not be divided.

After the birth of her youngest daughter, Cai Shaofen needs to take care of the children, and Zhang Jin sleeps in the same house with his wife even if she makes a bunk.

Shortly after giving birth to a son, Cai Shaofen posted a photo of her husband Zhang Jin feeding her children night milk.

For a time, it caused countless mothers to talk about it, some people said that this is really a model husband, and people who have experienced night milk know the hardships of taking a baby.

Only husbands who sleep together can appreciate the difficulties of wives.

Couples who sleep together never care about form, but also share the burden of life.

As Lin Qingxuan once said:

Happiness is often hidden in ordinary things, and with a little care, ordinary days will become cute, amiable, and missed.

Only in an intimate relationship can we truly appreciate each other's emotions and hardships, and can also give each other the most appropriate care.

Sleeping together is the most valuable ritual of marriage.

03

Marriage is good or not, how to sleep is the most important

Professor Richard Wiseman of The University of Hodford in the United Kingdom once conducted experiments on 1,000 married couples and found that the sleeping position of the spouse can affect the degree of intimacy between each other.

Physical contact is more harmonious than no relationship, and sleeping face to face is more harmonious than getting along back to back or in the same direction.

Perhaps the way we sleep is the truest way of marriage.

There is a clip in "Parental Love" that is still very impressive in retrospect.

In order to prepare a birthday gift for Jiang Defu, his wife Anjie fainted and was hospitalized, and the 80-year-old Jiang Defu said that he would accompany him in the ward.

Whatever others say, he obeys, but only if he doesn't leave the ward, especially at night, and sleep next to Anjie.

He said: "I'm afraid Anjie will wake up and won't find himself." ”

What was even more tearful was that Anjie woke up in that scene, Jiang Defu almost fell out of bed with a hesitation, and then said to others: "Make a little noise, don't argue." ”

The little nurses in the hospital were very envious, and they all said that they wanted to marry someone like Jiang Defu.

As the line from Sex and the City goes, "How we behave in bed means how well we live in our marriage."

Sleep is the measuring instrument for detecting the quality of marriage.

Wang Zhiwen once said that he wanted to find a partner who could chat at any time to get married.

Sometimes, I can't sleep at night, and I can pull up the TA around me and chat at any time.

At first reading, people feel arrogant, and when people reach middle age, they suddenly find how rare it is to be able to do so.

When you are tired of a day, lying in bed, someone can let you take off all your disguises and say two words of your heart, which may be the most needed spiritual comfort for middle-aged people.

But I have been wronged during the day, and when I return to the bedroom, it is a cold bed, or my back to your sleeping back, and it is difficult to say that it will not be more sad.

Sometimes, marriage doesn't need to be so vigorous, but it does need silent details.

Some people say that a good marriage is never changed by each other, but adapts well to each other.

Be able to sleep with the collapse and say three or five words of your heart before going to bed.

A happy and happy marriage is probably my life, with your breath, no matter whether it is sad or happy.

04

Sleeping together is like a moat built in marriage, allowing us to observe and correct at any time.

It is hard to imagine that couples who sleep with each other at night will have a grudge against each other and resent divorce. Similarly, couples who sleep in separate beds for a long time may find it difficult to maintain each other's care and understanding.

I remember Alex Rovira once wrote: Love is to constantly add firewood to the fire, and only in this way can the fire continue.

The other half of the marriage is the person who will spend the rest of your life with you in the future.

In this way, it is all the more necessary for us to treat it with care.

So, don't ignore these little things in life and treat them with heart!

Perhaps, running a happy marriage can start by sleeping together every night!

Author: Wei Lan. Source: Ten Point Reading (ID: duhaoshu), a national reading number subscribed by more than 30 million people.

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