Author | Fan Deng Reading · Sharp corners
Anchor | Fan Deng Reading · Yifan
When Socrates was educating his students, he proposed a "sieve theory".
He said that when you want to tell someone something, you should filter it through at least three sieves:
The first sieve is called truth;
The second sieve is called goodwill;
The third sieve is called Important.
These three sieves are not only the way we communicate in language, but also the criteria for dealing with people in the world.
Only by cultivating yourself with these three sieves can you have a simple and warm life in a complex world.
Shakespeare said, "Be true to yourself, so that you will not cheat on others." ”
Indeed it is. Only by being true to one's own heart can one truly face others.
In the classic drama "Parental Love", Jiang Defu has countless fans with his real personality.
It is precisely because he is real, undisguised, and not hidden that after many years of marriage, Anjie also said that he was "very reassured about him".
In fact, anjie said this, which has a lot to do with an incident that Jiang Defu confessed before marriage.
Before the marriage, Jiang Defu spent a lot of effort chasing Anjie.
But just when Anjie was touched by him, he was unwilling to "cheat", preferring to face the danger of breaking up and confess his marriage history.
Who ever thought that it was this frankness that won him a good reputation of "authenticity and credibility", and also gave Anjie enough security.
As the saying goes: planting melons gets melons, and planting beans gets beans.
Sow the truth, and one day, the truth will take root and sprout, and the fruit will be fruitful.
To be true to yourself, you need courage, but also need confidence.
Singer Li Jian can be described as a clear stream in the music world.
When fans said he was handsome, he replied frankly, "That's makeup." ”
When fans said that his photos were beautiful, he replied bluntly: "Open the beauty, and the P map." ”
The singer's external image is good, which will indeed add points to the acting career, but the external image can be packaged.
He wants fans to focus on the real musical composition, rather than what is packaged outside the work.
A real person, charming, because he dares to expose his own imperfections.
Real people can also capture people's hearts the most, because he dares to let people know the truth.
There is a question and answer on Zhihu: "Why don't we dare to be our true selves?" ”
The root cause is that people are afraid of loss and are unwilling to face the loss caused by reality.
But the road knows the horsepower, and it has seen people's hearts for a long time. People who are disguised by lies, like flowers in the mirror, the moon in the water, will eventually be punctured one day.
To tell a lie, you need to use 1,000 lies to round out the lie.
Instead of racking your brains to lie, it is better to be true to yourself and gain inner peace.
Does anyone like to be publicly exposed as "short"? Does anyone like to be embarrassed in public?
The answer is no.
The Alternative mentions the golden rule of interpersonal communication: how you want others to treat you, you have to treat others.
Only by comparing heart to heart and heart to heart can we get the true feedback of others.
I once saw a netizen pulling a small story of black hair.
After graduating from university, she went to Shenzhen alone to work hard.
At the age of 30, she is not yet married, which is normal in Shenzhen. But in the eighteen-line village, she was an outlier.
That year's New Year, she returned to her hometown and met Fa Xiao on the street.
Before she could say hello, Fa Xiao, who had two children, asked her directly in front of everyone why she was not married at the age of 30.
This caused the neighbors who were not too busy to talk and laugh.
At that moment, she was embarrassed and angry at the practice of hair small.
If Fa Xiao really cares about her life events, she can talk privately, and there is no need to deliberately create a topic in public.
Later, she learned that the little hair life was not smooth and ran into walls everywhere, so she wanted to find some superiority from others.
She also heard that all the peers in the village who were stronger than Fa Xiao had been more or less ridiculed.
It is written in the Living Law that good intentions and malice will lead to different results in the end.
Kindness will make strangers pull into the distance; and malice will make acquaintances forget about each other.
It is not easy to be born as a human being. What people need is a well-intentioned companion, not a malicious "source of pollution".
There is an aunt downstairs in the community, who often gives the dishes she grows and the special snacks she makes to the young people in the same building.
She said: "If you have any difficulties, you can tell me, and I will try my best to help you solve them." ”
Lovers, people always love, the young people of the whole building are very admiring of the pattern of the aunt, the aunt is also known as the "light of the building".
On her own, she made the cold concrete reinforcement have a temperature.
The ferryman who crosses the ferry with kindness is itself a beam of light that nourishes the hearts of others and at the same time comforts his own soul.
The larger the pattern, the more willing people are to warm the world with kindness.
The American management scientist Covey once proposed the "four quadrant" time management theory, which divided things into:
Important and urgent;
Important but not urgent;
Urgent but not important;
Neither important nor urgent.
It is often said that the most important thing in a person's life is not to squander his youth and pass the time while he is young, but to take advantage of his physical strength and brain power to prepare more for the future.
Therefore, doing more important things can rewrite the script of life.
When my cousin first started working, she was often bullied by "old fritters".
Later, she saw a law of attraction: who you are, you will meet whom, and everything around you is attracted by you.
Her cousin was so touched by this that she decided to change her magnetic field by taking psychology courses, which she considered the most important thing outside of work.
After work, she did not chase dramas, did not brush her mobile phone, did not lie down, but repeatedly listened to lectures.
At first, she struggled, but the practical psychological theories and cases made her feel that she had discovered a new continent.
Two years of study, so that she began to transform.
When her heart became more and more abundant, her boss changed, and the person was very friendly and cared for her subordinates.
Confident, cheerful, and professional, she is very happy with her boss.
Later, the boss's son wanted to take the college entrance examination, and the pressure was somewhat great. She shared some ways to relieve stress and recommended a senior counselor.
As a result, the boss's son got rid of his restless mood and successfully met the college entrance examination.
At work, the cousin can be alone; outside of work, she can also help the boss solve the troubles in life.
Her boss praised her, and her cousin's career path became smoother and smoother.
The writer Ant Blossom said: "There is no good luck for no reason, and every good luck that comes is the interest you have saved." ”
This is inseparable from her efforts, and more importantly, she chose "important things" as a breakthrough.
Distinguishing priorities is a conscious realization that adults should have.
Important things may be time-consuming, labor-intensive, boring, and short-term results, but if you stick to it, you will definitely keep the clouds open and see the moon.
As deep work writes: What should be paid attention to and what should be ignored, this choice determines the quality of our life.
Yu Hua wrote in "Alive":
"Life is what everyone feels, not what anyone else thinks."
True and frank, it will be considered "pedantic", but it can have inner peace.
Maintaining goodwill will be considered "honest", but it can improve their own pattern.
Choices that are important will be considered "different", but you will be able to meet a better version of yourself.
So, no matter how others look at you, how they laugh at you, how they mock you, you still have to insist on being yourself, regardless of the west.
Click "Watching", take advantage of the sunshine, the breeze is not dry, go and become the self you want to be
Author | Sharp corners: Always have a grateful and reverent heart, and believe that beauty always meets unexpectedly.
Editor-in-Chief | A doctor
Typography | Zheng to the north
Music | Guitar Afternoon - Lazy Afternoons