The original work of "Parental Love": Anjie and Jiang Defu can not always speak well, stemming from the difference in the three views

Whether in relationships or in interpersonal interactions, we always like those who speak softly, and we don't have any good feelings for those who speak harshly, people with confused logic.

It can also be said that a person's way of speaking, intentionally and unintentionally, exposes a person's inner cultivation, just like Anjie in "Parental Love".

Anjie looks like a bourgeois, tasteful, and emotional young lady, but from the way she speaks to Jiang Defu, she also reflects her exquisite egoism.

For Anjie, her values are completely different from Jiang Defu's, one is a woman who pursues romantic temperament, and the other is a big boss who is not willing to live.

But Anjie obviously knows that a man like Jiang Defu is not a good match for himself, but he still chooses to be strong, which is selfish and self-interested behavior.

Habitual differences produce more conflicts of three views

Although Jiang Defu's position is not low and he also has rights, he still maintains the habit of the countryside in essence, not only does not pay attention to personal hygiene, but also does not accept eating and drinking, not to mention what life mood.

But Anjie is different, she grew up with a good life, is a coffee drinking, dressed in a dress, has a particularly exquisite life.

Only because Anjie's father rolled up money and ran away with his little wife, the good life will become helpless, even if she changes from a nobleman to a commoner, the petty bourgeois complex in her bones is still there. What's more, Jiang Defu and Anjie have many different living habits. Liu Jing, the author of "Parental Love", wrote like this:

Mothers from bourgeois families, while carrying out the transformation of the after-dog behavior of the peasant-born father, such as shitting his hands before and after meals, gargling his mouth after meals, washing his face and feet before going to bed, washing his ass, and so on, he also had to go to great lengths to completely eliminate some of his father's innate habits.

However, most of the time it is when Anjie roars, Jiang Defu will symbolically listen, and once Anjie lets down his guard, Jiang Defu will follow his old habits.

This also makes Anjie intolerable at all, on the one hand, to uphold the helplessness of marrying chickens with chickens and marrying dogs with dogs, on the other hand, she feels that such a husband is really different from three views, and it does not make sense at all.

In this way, the living habits of the countryside and the habits of the ladies in the city are completely different, and if they have to go to the strong integration, both people will feel uncomfortable.

Anjie deeply resented Jiang Defu's old habits:

First of all, Jiang Defu does not pay attention to hygiene. He did not have the habit of brushing his teeth, washing his face, and washing his feet, but these Anjie could not tolerate it, so he always forced Jiang Defu to change these habits;

Secondly, when Jiang Defu was eating, there was a big "bar click" sound, Ander was the most protesting, and Jiang Defu did not change, which also made it difficult for them to have the same outlook on life;

In the end, Jiang Defu only listened to Anjie in person, and what should be done behind his back.

So Anjie is a bit chicken ribs for this marriage, for the emotional Anjie, Jiang Defu is really not that good match, but in terms of economy and life, Jiang Defu has obvious advantages.

So their marriage is like a Chinese marriage, making it up and going on.

The three views are different, and it is difficult to speak well

Anjie is an intellectual woman with a good upbringing, but since marrying Jiang Defu, her voice has not been small.

Is she not elegant enough?

Not because after marriage, Jiang Defu, who is different from the three views, often can't talk together. Once, when Jiang Defu was reading "Dream of the Red Chamber", he encountered a question, and he asked Anjie like this:

Hey, you said that Jia Baoyu was born with a piece of jade in his mouth, isn't this nonsense?

At this time, Anjie just opened his mouth, did not say a word, just sighed.

In Anjie's view, a person like Jiang Defu who has no consciousness and too low cultural attainment has no way to communicate at all, nor does he bother to explain, so he simply ignores him.

This reminds me of the mode of getting along between Leng Qingqiu and Jin Yanxi in Zhang Hexhui's "Golden Powder Family", what Leng Qingqiu wants is the fit of the soul, and the two people can chant poems and talk to each other and become their respective soul mates.

And Jin Yanxi only wants to swim in the glittering, the more lively the more joyful, and Leng Qingqiu is not used to the world of flowers and flowers.

This also makes the two fall in love, and all kinds of contradictions have erupted. Even if Leng Qingqiu accidentally persuaded Jin Yanxi to collect his heart and try to learn to do things well.

In Jin Yanxi's view, this is an insult to him, a dislike for his lack of ability. What he didn't understand was that after marriage, he had to take responsibility, and Leng Qingqiu just felt that after starting a family, he would have to start a business and be independent.

But it was precisely Leng Qingqiu's idea of independence that Jin Yanxi considered to be contempt for him.

Either that the three views are different, there is no need to force it, once two people with different three views make up together, they can only have tears of desire to shed unspeakable first.

The three views are the same, you say a word, the other party can understand; if the three views are different, say a hundred sentences, it is only in vain.

Speaking well is cultivation

Anjie was vicious towards Jiang Defu and looked unreasonable, but her heart was also bitter. Although I got a good life, I didn't get the nourishment of love.

Although Jiang Defu was loyal and honest, and had a high position of authority, he gave Anjie enough dignity, but he did not understand her beauty and elegance, but purely had a beautiful and elegant wife, and let such a beautiful wife bear him seven children.

Therefore, Jiang Defu felt that he had conquered this bourgeois lady, and indulged her to make a fuss, and did not care. Anyway, listen to it when she is noisy, when she can't see it, she still has to do whatever she wants.

Two people, one strong and roaring, one swallowing his breath, and even giving in to each other, can also be regarded as a lifetime.

For husband and wife to quarrel is a lifetime, peace of mind is also a lifetime, the key difference lies in the different ways of communication.

As a woman with a mood and romantic feelings, Anjie naturally hopes for the warmth of "I don't say you understand", but Jiang Defu definitely does not have that kind of emotion and cultivation.

Anjie, who can't get love and can't understand, naturally doesn't get the satisfaction of love, so all the requests that can't be asked for have become vicious words and commanding.

Speak well, four words, easy to say, but hard to do.

It's just that if you want to live a good life, you must not only accept, but also learn nonviolent communication. If Anjie had spoken out about her feelings instead of forcing Jiang Defu through strong language, perhaps her heart would have been softer.

But Anjie chose to be strong with Jiang Defu on the one hand, and on the other hand, she despised this man with three different views, which was her selfishness, and her selfishness was that she wanted both a good life and a lot of contempt for the advantages she got.

Under this contempt, it is Anjie's self-deprecation as an independent woman, and it is also sad for exchanging her life for material life, but in the face of material, she actively lowers her arrogant self-esteem, which is love and fulfillment.