Author: Shangguan Yun
"Marriage without love is not romantic, marriage without love is not realistic." A simple sentence has made many people feel a lot.
Marriage is a besieged city, and people outside the city want to go in, and people in the city want to come out. The years are long, and between the comings and goings, some people decide to stay together for a lifetime, and some people leave the scene in disgrace.
Only talk about feelings, wind and snow can be eaten. However, it may not be only love that determines the quality and longevity of marriage.
Graphics and text are irrelevant. Photo by Bao Gansheng
Love or responsibility, which is more important?
Recently, there is a hot topic on the Internet: which is more important, love or responsibility in marriage?
Some people choose love: marriage without love is just a castle in the air, if the commitment is compared to the sense of responsibility, there is no heartfelt love, and there will never be a commitment to a person.
There are also people who take sides in "responsibility": when the two sides form a family and face the rice, oil, salt and triviality, tolerance, understanding, and responsibility are the weapons to compete with various problems.
Others argue that love is simple, but a marriage is complex, and the roles played by both parties are not only husband and wife, but also parents and children. Even if love disappears, there is no escaping the responsibilities of other characters.
"Love sustains marriage, and marriage needs to be responsible." To briefly summarize the views of netizens, this is probably the view of many people.
It is true that both love and marriage are exclusive, and a high sense of responsibility is the best guarantee, it tells us what can be done and what cannot be done, which is precisely the source of security.
Without a sense of responsibility, marriages are prone to desperation
Responsibility is not the only way to maintain a marriage, but it is something that a qualified adult must learn to enter a marriage. More than a decade ago, the popular "Golden Powder Family" actually explained the relationship between love and responsibility in marriage.
Image source: Screenshot of the TV series "Golden Powder Family"
Jin Yanxi was born in a rich family, and he wanted the wind to be windy and the rain to be rainy. After a chance encounter, he fell in love with a civilian woman at first sight, a contemporary class teacher, and formed a poetry club... He paid no attention to Bai Xiuzhu, the big lady who was right at the door, and only wanted to please Leng Qingqiu.
Such love can not be described as unheated, but unfortunately the shelf life is somewhat short. When the two got married, Jin Yanxi's selfish, indifferent habit of being a clumsy child was gradually exposed.
He doesn't seem to have any serious work, newly married, still playing cards and drinking, the four words "family responsibility" basically did not think, anyway, the Jin family has money, do not have to worry about anything. Even with Bai Xiuzhu, there are signs of a resurgence of old love.
Coupled with other factors, the contradictions between Jin Yanxi and Leng Qingqiu gradually accumulated, which eventually led to the breakdown of the relationship. In the original work, after the fall of the Jin family, the house where Leng Qingqiu lived caught fire, and the whereabouts of the mother and son were unknown for a while.
He, while saying that he was in pain, was not in a hurry to find someone, "Even if she finds it back, she may not be able to cooperate with me, I think she will not leave without the determination of the group." The couple reluctantly bonded, and that was not a little interesting, but it was so painful. ”
Love is the foundation of marriage, but in the face of bumps in life, the sense of responsibility can provide a long endurance. Measured by this, Jin Yanxi's approach is very poor, even if there is no personality difference, their marriage into a desperate situation is an inevitable result.
The details of life are in the real chapter
It has been said that in marriage, husband and wife regard each other as the only one, willing to stay together, inseparable from the sense of responsibility. This is reflected in the choices made in the face of life events, and even more reflected in the details of daily family life.
Image source: Stills from the TV series "Little Joy"
The TV series "Little Joy" focuses on family education, and at the same time, presents different types of marriage and family models to the audience. Among them, Fang Yuan and Tong Wenjie are a more interesting pair.
On the surface, Fang Yuan is not a successful person in the traditional sense, and his personality is somewhat Buddhist. But as far as maintaining family relations is concerned, the wife pays attention to the children and solves the problem, and he is also a responsible husband and father.
Tong Wenjie has a more violent temper, and emotions will be written on his face, whether good or bad. Their son has a conflict with someone else or makes a moth, and she can be angry for a long time. Fang Yuan can always remind his wife to pay attention to the way she speaks in time to avoid affecting the parent-child relationship.
In a sense, he pays attention to the movements in the family, and is also a fire extinguisher for his wife's anxiety, ready to eliminate hidden dangers at any time.
Material things are one of the elements that keep the family stable. Fang Yuan once faced an unemployment crisis, because of age and other problems, he could not find a suitable job. He didn't escape reality, and later planned to drive a ride-hailing car and find a job as a voice actor.
His wife felt sorry for him and felt a little condescending. But Fang Yuan doesn't mind: it is good to make more money and reduce the financial pressure at home.
From facing the family's economic problems together to resolving various contradictions with patience and care, they are willing to do their best to assume their due responsibilities and obligations. Compared with the other families in the play, the couple is powerless and powerless, but they are quite happy and stable.
Marriage itself is life
Psychology has a concept called "halo effect", placed on the level of love, that is, people in hot love, easy to magnify the advantages of each other, it is difficult to detect the shortcomings of each other, resulting in cognitive bias.
Love always has some idealistic overtones, and for the time being it can ignore life; but marriage does not work, it is life itself.
Graphics and text are irrelevant. Photo by Zhong Xueman
Love and responsibility are each other's marriage. Couples who have always been in love mode are rare, and absolutely perfect love only exists in idol dramas. In reality, we can pay attention to the romance of love, but love without a sense of responsibility cannot withstand the toss.
The performance of a sense of responsibility can be divided into many kinds, such as facing accidents that may occur in marriage together, maintaining a safe social distance with the opposite sex, knowing how to avoid suspicion, and so on. Both parties have a sense of responsibility, can think for each other, and often can be decent when they break up.
In modern society, handsome men and beautiful women are everywhere, and there are many rich people. There is no lack of fast-food flood love in life, and there will be people who enter marriage because of various factors other than love, but it is easy to ignore the sincerity and sense of responsibility that should be there.
In a world full of temptations, accustomed to dividing and merging, if there is a person who can give you a sense of security and loyalty, choose to take on that responsibility, such a marriage, certainly more charming than this world.
Editor: Fan Fenghui
Editor-in-charge: Li Jinlei