Marriage wants to get a lot of happiness, but the people who really get it are almost rare, and even have to sigh, almost can't find true love? So why is that?
In fact, true love is not difficult to encounter, it is difficult to maintain the love found for a long time.
From the lack of heart
Long-term true love can only occur between two perfect and mature individuals, but almost every one of us lacks the ability to do one aspect to a certain extent.
Childhood trauma, the lack of growth, and the inner role vacancy, are waiting for each other to make up for the sense of security and happiness, when everyone is healing their own wounds and looking for a lifeguard, and trying to save themselves, in fact, it is also another harm to the lover, and this time continues to superimpose continuously, love in the perception of the other party, will become an extremely ugly and selfish face.
Therefore, all sentient beings are shouting for true love, but they are trying to hope that the other party will unconditionally endure their own demands and expectations, and continue to work hard.
If a person's heart is empty or even broken, how can he have the ability or know how to love others? The so-called "love you" in the mouth is just a mask of asking for your own good, and many times we may not realize that for each other in a relationship, whether you are doing love or making up for the lack of feeling in your heart.
In the book "The Reconstruction of the Heart", the author compares ourselves to a big sink, if the water is full, it is easy to feel happy, but if you are dry, when your sink rises and falls sharply with the comings and goings of love, you will feel extremely insecure and become the source of mutual harm.
So how can it be changed?
Self-love
Only by filling your own pool first will you not be lost and resentful because of temporary gains and losses.
Support yourself
The most important lesson in love is not how to acquire skills, but to make yourself more valuable and worthy of being loved.
Therefore, the degree of attention should always be oneself, not the other person's attitude, or simply a change in feeling.
Accept yourself
You have to accept your own imperfections, accept the facts in front of you, and learn to love yourself to accept the facts is a very important skill for achieving happiness and maintaining feelings.
Positive questions, make changes
In the first chapter of Paul G's book Security, the original quote hits directly at the key to relationship conflict and our lack of inner security.
"A bird standing in a tree is never afraid of a broken branch, because it believes not in the branches, but in its own wings"
So the transformation of relationships, conflicts, and all kinds of disharmony often stems from their inability to control the development and change of relationships.
After more experience, defense becomes instinctive
Children will put their hands into the hot water, because of the lack of experience does not have recognition, while adults are different, more experience, see more people and things, or be calculated to be hurt more times, will unconsciously produce instinctive vigilance, but in the process of vigilance, the other party can also recognize the abnormality, so in the continuous interaction, it is difficult to maintain the initial emotional state.
Why is it that there is so little happiness in marriage today, and it is almost impossible to meet true love? Just because in our crippled experience, we only grow a skin bag rather than a mature mind, but because of the polishing of experience, we constantly have our own careful thoughts, entanglements, and struggles to ignore two children who have not grown or even twisted, and they do not have the ability to love at all, so there is no harmony and happiness to speak of.
Too much mutual love and cherishing in film and television dramas, but reduced to real life but become calculations and wars, thinking that love rushed to, but after being screwed up by two giant babies of not much age, they said that there is no real feeling in the world.
A truly strong and long-lasting marital relationship also requires certain conditions:
Have a sense of growing together
Have the same righteousness as comrades-in-arms
There are clear standards for the division of labor in the workplace team and adhere to the implementation
Like partners, the share of the spoils is evenly divided into their own benefits
A win-win relationship can really win, so when you are smart, you lose the possibility of getting a good marriage and long-term love.
END
Text/Relief Emotional Station
(Author: Xiao Yu, psychological counselor, focusing on the emotional field), good at the restoration of romantic relationships, marital contradictions and differences, and the healing of psychological trauma caused by the original ecological family. The lonely journey of life, listening to your grievances and pressures, helping visitors improve their skills in getting along with the sexes, saving their lovers, managing their feelings, and striving to become happier people.