Many years ago, when I was a student, I especially liked to read The Reader and Youth Digest, and I remember reading an article about a mother who told her son about her son's death from eye cancer. The title of the article is "Never Lose My Love – My Son's Stinky Name."
The mother in the text loves her child crazy, crazy to the point that she can't bear to let her child suffer so much pain, more than once imagining herself and her child being hit by a car, or praying that the child will not get off the operating table, or eager to kill her son with her own hands; love "foolish", "foolish" to go to the qigong master to do the work, give the child to drink the child's own urine, give the child to eat the eyes of the toad, etc. These incomprehensible acts stem from the helplessness and pain of this mother, and she will not give up even the slightest chance!
The father in the text, the stinky father. When the child was diagnosed, he did not cry, while persuading his wife to try to make the right choice calmly, this is the father's deep love; when the wife collapsed, went crazy, fainted, I can imagine that he took care of the child while taking care of the affairs of the hospital, he did not have time to collapse, he could not collapse, this is the father's deep love; when the stink died, he went to send the child, back home The father put down everything for the first time, collapsed and cried, and cried out of the stinky reluctance, Cry out of resentment against the cold world, cry out of helplessness about the harsh reality, cry out of the pain that has been suppressed for a long time! This father's love is shocking! Heart-wrenching! It is only then that the child's mother deeply reflects on herself "when the child is ill." I put all my energy into the kids. Neglect to care for your lover. ”
I remember watching it and shedding tears, and I was deeply moved by the mother's deep thoughts of her son. I felt how much courage this mother had to muster in writing this article, like peeling off her own wounds layer by layer of blood to show me. When she wrote out every bit of her son before he fell ill, I can imagine that when she wrote this part, she must have fallen into a deep memory, as if she had returned to the past, and the child laughed and laughed, and the child cried and she cried. She said that because of having children, she found that she could be so gentle and quiet, so gentle and kind, so brave and sincere. A child's pure eyes will make his mind as ethereal and peaceful as the Tibetan sky.
But this happiness came to an abrupt end when the child was one year old and three months old, and the child was diagnosed with eye cancer. They had two options: chemotherapy, eye removal, including the orbit, and the result of chemotherapy was that the half of the face would always be when he was one year old, while the half of the face would grow normally. Moreover, even if the surgery is successful, the chemotherapy can only live to about 8 years old; the second is not to do surgery, no chemotherapy, but the eyes will grow like cauliflower, and the head will be deformed.
That night they made the hardest decision of their lives. She clearly remembered the bloodless face and sad eyes of her strong lover when she made this decision. In the face of the mother's hysteria, her lover hugged her frantically and shouted, "Chun'er, you are sober! Do you let the stink grow to the point where you can question: Mom, why can't I survive? Do you let him face this cold fact with one eye? Do you want him to be physically devastated and face those curious eyes? "They would rather let their children live happily for a year, when they don't know anything, rather than let their children go in torment." Although she knew that the decision would carry her guilt on her back for the rest of her life.
With the passage of time, the stink became seriously ill, and was pushed into the operating room, and the small body lay on the big bed, which was so thin! The operation was over, it stinked and hurt, and he frantically tugged at the gauze on his face. The anesthetic has passed. He struggled and shouted, "Mom, it's uncomfortable! Oh Mom! It's uncomfortable! Her lover grabbed her son's hand hard, while shouting, "Chun'er, hurry up, help me catch him!" Don't let him pull the gauze off! The mother reluctantly stood up, and it was at this moment that Stink struggled to reach out to her mother and shouted out one of the most memorable words of her life: "Mom!!!!!! "That voice is so desolate and helpless!
The mother said she was vulnerable. She said: "I never dared to look at my child's left eye after the operation. I'm afraid, I'm really scared. Every time I take my child to change the medicine, I always dare not go in. I hid in the ophthalmology corridor. But I could still hear the stinky man shouting at me: 'Mom! Mom! 's voice. I ducked into the elevator, going up and down the elevator, and I covered my ears hard, but the stinking screams could still be heard. The helpless cry of motherhood floated in every corner of the hospital. It lingers. Yes, I can't escape. There is no escape. Each time, I hugged the stink of exhaustion after changing the medicine, the stink of tears on my face but still choking, and the stink that pounced on me to let me protect. My heart cannot be described by the word "pain"... "Yes, in the face of all this suddenness, who can be strong?
Stink or go, see here my heart also hurts! But the stinky father, this strong father, this husband who has always remained calm in the author's writing, also collapsed, yes, since knowing that the child is sick, this father's pain will not be less than anyone, but in the face of the collapsed wife, the sick child, this father cannot be vulnerable, he must act stronger than anyone, because the wife needs him, the child needs him, he cannot fall, otherwise the family will fall.
But the stink is gone, and this great father finally can't hold on, and his crying makes my reader's heart ache so much, the author writes, "When I was cremated, I didn't go, I didn't dare to go." I couldn't face my dead child. I'm afraid I can't control myself. My lover and my colleagues went to send the stinky stink. When I returned, I looked at my lover and wept silently. O my lover, my strong husband. He didn't cry when the child was sick. But at this moment, he was rolling on the bed, clutching his chest hard, tearing his clothes, and crying loudly. He just kept telling me, 'Chun'er, I hurt!' My heart aches! I held his head, and he was weak like a baby. He murmured to me, 'I saw the stinking burning, and at that moment, I really wanted to jump into the stove.' ’
I held my lover and the tears kept flowing. All I could tell him was, 'You're so stupid, how can you look?' My lover told me, 'I put the stinky bottle next to him, and his little koala was with him.' When I got him out of the freezer, he looked like he was sleeping, and I kissed him on the face. I always felt as if he could open his eyes and call out to Daddy right away. My tears dripped on my lover's face, and I felt pain, and my heart ached for this strong man, and for the first time he revealed his vulnerability, and his love for his children was equally deep. He kept supporting me. There were times when I could escape, but he couldn't. I could cry, but he couldn't. I can go and say, he can't. He can only face it, and he can only choose to be strong. Because he is a man. ”
After all these years, I still remember this article vividly. Recently I found this article again, I have just become a mother, I still read it and cried silently, I can understand the joy and sorrow of this mother better than when I first saw this article. As I watched my own daughter emerge, I lamented the impermanence of life.
So I think each of us should cherish, what should we cherish? Not just kids. Not just family, not just parents, not just friends, cherish everything you have now. Don't, don't regret it when you lose it! It's still too late. Give your child a kiss, give your lover a hug, give your parents a thank you, give a friend a greeting, give a passerby a smile, give yourself a quiet. Cherish what you have!