How do you get your child to listen to you? Master these 5 skills and you'll be able to do it

Many parents feel that it is difficult to communicate with children in the rebellious period, and they always deny parents for no reason without waiting for their parents to finish speaking, and even refuse to communicate, which makes people very helpless. So how do we communicate effectively with our children? Master these 5 skills, you can also communicate with your child like a friend, freely speaking.

Tip 1: Listen carefully

Now the pace of social work is relatively fast, and everyone is sometimes very impatient, especially when they see that children do not study seriously or do things that cannot achieve the satisfaction of parents, they will lose patience with their children. For example, the following dialogue:

Child: "Mom, I want to tell you something." (The child initiated the chat signal)

Mom: "Say. (a little impatient)

Child: "Mom, I want to buy a pair of sneakers." ”

Mom: "What to buy?" Don't you still have so many shoes at home? ”

Child: "Just buy me a pair." ”

Mom: "Don't buy it, hurry up and do your homework!" ”

Child: "Ahem! If you don't buy me, I won't do my homework! ”

In this way, the chat cannot achieve the purpose of communication, and even intensifies the contradiction between the child and the parent, but if it is another way, will it be better?

Mom: "Why do you suddenly want to buy sneakers?"

Child: "Because our school is going to hold a sports day, I want to participate in the competition, and today the teacher praised me for my talent for running, and said that I should join the track and field team." ”

You look at two kinds of communication, two very different feelings. If you can calm down and accept the signals of your child's communication, there are many more that your child can tell you...

So, if you happen to be busy when your child is talking to you, then you'd rather have your child wait than rush to deal with your child.

It's important to protect your child's willingness to communicate! In addition, listening is not only about sitting down to listen to your child, but also about interacting with your child.

Second tip: good mood

I saw a piece of news a few days ago, and I was really shocked after seeing it. Dad is tutoring his 9-year-old son to write homework, because the child's homework is too rubbing, the father has no choice but to hit the child's head, but the child is in the instinct to block with his hand, the child is still holding a sharpened pencil in his hand, just when the pencil was slapped into the back of the head by the father, fortunately after the hospital rescue, the child finally turned the corner. This father could not have imagined that a moment of emotional loss of control would lead to such a catastrophe.

Today's parents are under tremendous pressure in life and vent their tempers on their children. The consequence is that the child has to spend his life to "pay" for the emotions of his parents.

A few days ago, a friend told her story, her husband was on a business trip some time ago, she was the only one left in the family, she took care of the baby alone, she also had to take care of the children, serve the elderly, big things and small things fell on me alone. Once, she was cooking, and her son had to let her play with him, and she couldn't use any yelling, so she slashed the knife on the board to scare him. Her son was really frightened and crying so hard. She regretted that she used it to spread the resentment of life on her children. What is even more frightening is what to do if you lose your hand and hurt your child.

If someone in the family loves to lose his temper, the child will be afraid of her, and over time, the child will try to talk as little as possible, do not do nasty things, and try to be as careful as possible to make fewer mistakes every time, so as not to explode emotions. When you grow up, you can easily become an insecure person, often attributing the mistakes of others to yourself, and always can't help but please the people around you.

Parents are irritable, and the children they raise will also go to two extremes. One is the "flattering personality" mentioned above, and the other will form a "controlling personality". This is a character defect formed by the family, which will affect the child's life.

As a parent, it is normal to have negative emotions, the key is to learn how to channel and solve, the following methods may be able to help you.

How to control your emotions?

First: First, face your emotions

Now life and work pressure are relatively large, sometimes on the surface will be angry with children, in fact, with emotions to compete with themselves, by hurting children to punish their own unsatisfactory life. "It's not all the child's fault, it's partly myself." Realizing this and facing it up to it is the first step to improving your mood.

Calm yourself down for 5 seconds before your next anger, take a deep breath, and let your emotions pause.

Try this method, and you will slowly feel that you have lost your temper a lot less.

Second: Clarify the purpose of tantrums

To control emotions, before we lose our temper, we must first figure out: Why do we lose our temper?

Is it to make the child correct the mistake, or is it to make the child obedient? Or is it simply using the child as a punching bag? Whatever the reason, it's not really a reason to lose control of emotions.

The former, not only can not let the child fundamentally correct the mistakes, but also raise a child who is not confident.

The latter, even less so. Because parents are emotionally stable, it is the premise of children's healthy growth.

Before you lose your temper next time, you may want to understand the following questions:

What is the purpose of my tantrum? What impact might it have on your child? Does tantrums help solve things?

Is there a better way?

Every time I lost my temper and thought about these questions, the fire in my heart was mostly extinguished. Then thankfully, thankfully there was no tantrum.

Third tip: Accurate expression

If the way of talking and communication between adults is put on the child, sometimes it is difficult to communicate, the child can not understand, we must treat the child as a friend, try to speak clearly, say accurately. After reading the following examples, you will understand the importance of accurate expression of language.

Lele's mother said to Lele, "You're too lazy, what kind of learning attitude do you have?" Lele will feel inexplicable when I say this, what mistake did I make, what did my mother say?

But if the mother expressed it in a different way: "Lele, in the past three days, you have been writing your homework until 10 o'clock every night, can you tell why?" In this way, the meaning you want to express is specific and clear, and Lele knows that what you need to communicate with him is the reason for the slow writing of homework.

Similarly, if you want to praise your child and say, "Lele, your learning is awesome!". If you praise him in this way, he will feel painless or itchy. What about parents perfunctory me from time to time?

But if you say something like this: "Lele, my mother is very satisfied with your performance in writing your homework yesterday, and she finished her homework at nine o'clock, which is a little faster than before." In this way, the feeling of lele is different, he can clearly know the importance of learning methods to himself, but also know to find better ways to learn and grow himself.

Parents usually speak to their children, and the more accurate the language, the better. This can not only greatly improve the effectiveness of parent-child communication, but also ensure that children understand the meaning of their parents. Moreover, it is also a good cultivation for children's language ability and thinking ability.

Fourth tip: speak skillfully

The way we talk to children is important, but the content of the words is also very important, the same meaning, said in different ways, will have a completely different effect, even adults will have this feeling, not to mention young children. If parents pay some attention to their own way of speaking, the effect of education may be very different. If you want to see the results of an event you have to express the results you want to the other person.

For example, you want your child to wash the dishes for you. If you say, "You went and washed the dishes for me," this kind of imperative speech is always uncomfortable and resistant. The same meaning is changed to a clever expression: "If someone helps me wash the dishes." I'll be happy", that feels completely different, so if you ask someone to do something directly, you will usually be rejected. But if you clearly state the outcome you want, the other person will know how to do it and will be willing to do it. This method is not only suitable for parent-child communication, but also for good expression between husband and wife.

We can also subtly use reverse expression and reverse thinking methods to express our own language.

For example, if you ask your child, "Isn't your homework done yet?" and he'll definitely say, "No, it's not even close!!" This is not the result you want. But if you ask questions in reverse or in reverse thinking, say, "All the homework is done?" Then the child will also give you a clear answer, how much I have done, how much is still far from all.

Parents should be a flexible communicator, and avoid using words such as "but" and "but" in conversations. We often say things like "I see what you mean" to our children, and it's easy to add words like "but" or "but." If you use these words, you give your child the impression that you think his views are "wrong" in your eyes or that you don't pay attention to what he's saying.

For example, if you say, "Mom thinks what you say makes sense, but..." The meaning of the sentence makes people sound like "what you say makes no sense."

If you replace "but" with "also", say, "Mom thinks what you said makes a lot of sense, and I have a good idea here, so let's discuss it again?".

Do you think it sounds much more comfortable? Different ways of speaking can achieve different communication effects. This is the art and skill of speaking, we as parents must first learn this effective way of language expression, so that children can feel the ease and pleasure of communicating with their parents, rather than dissatisfaction or resistance.

The fifth tip: sincere praise

The weakness of human nature is that it likes to criticize people, but it does not like to be criticized; Like to be praised, but do not like to praise people; Thus, the distance between people is widened.

There were two businessmen, A and B, and one day they both earned 100 yuan to go home.

A's wife saw A and said coldly, "Will you earn 100?" A listened to the psychological complaint and said, "Do you think it is easy to make money?" The next day A went to work as usual, but this time he deliberately went home empty-handed, making his wife feel that it was not easy to earn money.

The opposite is true of B. B's wife saw that B brought back 100 yuan and was surprised and said, "Wow, you actually earned 100 yuan?", B listened to the joy in her heart and said smugly: "What is 100 yuan!". The next day, B also went to work as usual, but this time B brought back 300 pieces.

This story gives us a lesson: a cold face and a mouth that lacks encouragement are the most disappointed, and he will discourage the enthusiasm of the child. Sincere praise from the heart can bring happiness to children and will improve children's enthusiasm for learning.

The above five skills, I hope that in life, parents skillfully use good and effective communication with their children, so that our children can be willing to communicate with us whether they are young or after entering puberty, speak their hearts to you, and grow into a mental health, learning excellent children!