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"Parents don't know how to control their emotions, blindly yelling at their children, will only push their children farther and farther." Early in the morning, hundreds of messages appeared in the mother's group, because of a message from Lele's mother. Lele Mom wrote:
"In the face of my daughter who reached out for a hug, my heart was full of uneasiness and guilt, and I even thought that I did not deserve this hug."
Here's the thing. Lele mother yesterday to Dabao tutoring homework, suppressed a stomach fire, this time Erbao ran, not pestering the mother to tell stories, a day of work tired, tutoring Dabao's dissatisfaction, the husband's lack of strength to make her heart angry, yelled at Erbao, and also turned around to give Dabao two slaps. The two babies were startled and burst into tears. Erbao cried while holding out his hands and saying to his mother, "Mother hugs."
Seeing the appearance of the two children, Lele's mother was very remorseful, she understood that the problem was not in the child's body, but she was angry with the child. Looking at the baby who reached out for a hug, I couldn't help but cry! Mothers in the group have left messages, such a situation they often encounter, every time they roar after the child, after beating the child, the child will cry, while reaching out for a hug, their hearts are full of remorse. Obviously, I was just scolded by my parents, the tears have not yet flowed, and the grievances are still in my heart, why do I immediately reach out to my mother for a hug? Is it because children don't remember revenge?
1
After being scolded by the mother, the person who reaches out and hugs first is always the child; the person who is beaten by the mother and speaks first is always the child, why is the child always the first person to bow his head and compromise?
Children love you more than you think
It's really not that the child doesn't remember revenge and has too big a heart, because in his heart, you are the one who loves him the most and can bring him a sense of security. In the child's young heart, you are his whole world. When he is happy, he wants you to share his happiness; when he is sad, he wants you to share his sadness and give him timely comfort. Especially for children before the age of 6, the child is absolutely dependent and trusting of the mother. Even if his mother scolded him one second, the next he wanted to be comforted in his mother's arms.
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Children are afraid of losing you
When the child is reprimanded by his mother, he is actually very afraid inside, and his brain is blank. At this time, the child's heart is not thinking about what is wrong with himself, but thinking "my mother doesn't like me anymore." In the face of you full of viciousness, the child's heart is full of fear, and the first reaction is to grab the mother, return to the mother's arms, and confirm that the mother still loves herself. Therefore, children who are often scolded and scolded by their parents do not feel safe in their hearts because they have lived in fear and anxiety for a long time.
2
Why is it that the older the child, the farther away from us? When he was young, as soon as he yelled at him, the child would ask for a hug, why when we grew up, as soon as we yelled at him, he turned around and walked away, and even did not say a word to his parents for several days? Is it true that when a child grows up, he does not love his parents?
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When a child is 6 years old, he and his parents are very closely emotionally linked, especially his mother, who is his whole world. And as the child grows up, he begins to have friends, has his own circles, and his sense of independence begins to increase, although he still loves you, but his world is no longer yours. If parents still choose to treat their children with simple and rude angry words, they are actually pushing their children out of your world, and pushing them farther and farther. Many people enter puberty, do not talk to their parents much, and even after adulthood, communication with parents is also very difficult, in fact, the main reason is that in early childhood, parents roar again and again, pushing the child away again and again. Roaring, scolding and scolding, such an educational method, in fact, is more of a catharsis of parents' emotions. And the reason why we are so unscrupulous and desperate to explode our dissatisfaction is because the child asks for hugs again and again.
Parents are using their children's love for themselves and pushing their children farther and farther away.
3
I know some people ask: What is it like to have a grumpy parent? Many of the answers were heartbreaking.
"Counter violence with violence." "Learned to be indifferent." "I have the urge to die." "Contributed most of my childhood shadows to me, and cultivated my sensitive, cowardly, indecisive, and non-talkative personality."
Again and again, we throw tantrums at children, which seem to be not destructive, but in fact have a fatal lethal effect on children. Children are not only getting farther and farther away from their parents, but also have very negative changes in their personality, and even their personality will be affected.
1. Learn to control your emotions
In his book The Capital of a Lifetime, Orison Madden says:
At no time should one be a slave to one's own emotions, should not subject all actions to one's own emotions, but should in turn control the emotions.
Studies have found that when people are out of control, their brains are blank. If the out-of-control emotions are too strong, the brain's thinking is difficult to recover, so that its thinking is narrow, its self-control ability is weakened, and its rational analysis is inhibited, and the emotions are temporarily in a state of loss of control. It only takes a few seconds for your emotions to get out of control, but in those few seconds, your unspeakable words can become the straw that destroys your child.
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2. Don't think of your child as an emotional trash can
Sometimes, the temper of parents to their children is actually a kind of emotional catharsis, and they have accumulated too many grievances and dissatisfaction in their hearts, and they use the criticism of the child's head to vent on the child. Your question, why should you let the child bear it? As an adult, what a ridiculous and shameful thing it is to have a young child become your own emotional trash can.
3. Choose the right education method
The American writer Mark Twain has a family rule: if a child makes a mistake, he or she must be punished as he deserves. The method of punishment may be proposed by the child himself. If the child makes a mistake, your anger can only be worse, it is a way to cure the symptoms but not the root cause, the best way is to let the child bear the consequences of the mistake, know where the mistake is, how to face it, he will correct it. So it is useless to lose your temper, we need to understand what the ultimate purpose of education is.
4. Do not push your child to a person
The host Martin once said that when the wife was confined, her personality changed greatly, from a knowledgeable Dali to a quite unreasonable, and once, even because she was angry, she put the fish soup on the computer. The two quarreled over this, and at one point they wanted to divorce. The wife said to Martin:
"You sit with me for a day, and you do whatever I do, just one day!"
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So, Martin found that at night, the wife had to keep getting up at night to feed, the child cried, to get up and feed; after feeding, he had to change the diaper, the child had to keep coaxing when he cried, it was difficult to fall asleep, and in less than an hour, the child cried again... Again and again, over and over again, the wife simply did not have time to rest. Within a day, Martin collapsed and finally understood his wife's hardships. Men, do not take the child do not know the hardships of the child, always think that the child easily grew up, but do not know how much the wife suffered behind the back, how many tears, more for your wife to share some, pay more attention to the growth of the child. Don't put all the burden on your wife alone.
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Language can be positive or negative. The power of language can make a child or destroy a child. Yu Minhong said:
"Parents control their emotions and communicate with their children rationally, and children must be able to develop calm emotions, so that they can calmly face difficulties, setbacks, and failures."
Just like Tagore had a poem: Let my love, like the sun, surround you and give you brilliant freedom. Don't let your child cry and ask for a hug, but smile and plunge into your arms!