Adolescent psychological counseling: Children are grumpy and express psychological needs in an intense way

Guangzhou Listen and Listen To Bar Psychological Counseling Guide:

Aunt Yun is the mother of a child. Like all mothers in the world, she hopes to give all her good things to her children so that they can grow up healthy and happy.

But in the face of her 11-year-old son Lele, she always couldn't control herself from scolding him, and then she was very remorseful and remorseful, but she couldn't help herself. She admits that it is her limited level that can't get the child, but she really has no patience!

Lele has been playing games every day recently, sometimes even for more than 4 hours, and he should not be asked to eat. Not only that, Lele's temper was also particularly smelly, and he was angry when he was slightly unsatisfactory, once he yelled because the cup for drinking water was not found, and once he punched and kicked his little cousin because of a small matter.

Parents can't say anything about him yet, and after a little bit of talking, Lele will be very angry and then angry with his parents. It doesn't make sense to reason with him, and sometimes I beat him up if I'm angry, and the more I hit him, the more stubborn I am, and I don't accept it at all, which is really worrying.

When Aunt Yun was young, she was very beautiful and temperamental, and she was very gentle and patient with children. But since the establishment of the family to face her children, she has often been sad and sad, as if all patience has been smoothed out, not only looks old, but her hair is much whiter.

For most parents, the biggest helplessness and trouble in parenting is the child's "unreasonable", "should not", "unnecessary" bad temper. All emotions have their function, as a parent, we should pay more attention to what is expressed behind the child's emotions, so that in the effective communication with the child, the child is understood and does not need to use temper to express.

From a psychological point of view, a child's tantrum is expressing psychological needs in an intense way.

For young children, because the language expression ability is not yet perfect, when the needs are not met, the child will produce negative emotions such as anger, anger, sadness, etc., and because they do not know how to vent more reasonably, they will often use crying to vent based on instinct.

Even children and adolescents, when they encounter setbacks or discomfort, will naturally vent their backlog of emotions by shouting or sabotage because they do not have enough emotional management methods in their lives. This occasional emotional out-of-control situation also requires parents to take it seriously.

Why is the child grumpy?

Teacher Huang Youwei, director of the Psychological Counseling Center of Guangzhou, analyzed it for everyone.

Reasons for age

Generally speaking, children at the three ages of 2 years, 7 years old and puberty will have poor tempers.

Babies around the age of two are self-centered, lose their temper if they have something unpleasant, throw toys, and wave small fists when they have an awkward fight with children.

As the saying goes, "seven or eight years old please the dog", seven or eight years old children, bad temper is because of curiosity. Parents will find that the child dismantles and destroys everywhere, almost paranoidly asks the root of the matter, and often raises the bar with the parents, but it stems from his strong inner curiosity.

Adolescent children have a tantrum and often quarrel with their parents. Their physical development is rapid, and they can reach more than ten or twenty centimeters in a year, as if they are shoulder to shoulder with adults, but psychological maturity needs to be experienced slowly, which is obviously out of sync with the development of the body. On the one hand, everything does not like parental interference, to make their own decisions, on the other hand, the heart is still naïve, most of the time can not control and implement their own decisions, can not be separated from the assistance of parents.

Some parents will be provoked by the rebellious nature of adolescent children, and they will become more demanding during this period, thus causing a greater sense of depression to the child and making the child more prone to tantrums.

Lack of rational love

Children who are overly spoiled are often more willful, have poor control over emotions, go their own way, are not too concerned about the thoughts of others, and are self-centered.

Children who are more emotionally deficient are often more likely to be provoked because of their inner sensitivity, and sometimes do some out-of-the-ordinary behaviors because they seek attention.

Children who are overly strict in their parenting are prone to paranoia or some quirks.

Children who appear more aggressive are often insecure and vulnerable.

Children who are easy to sulk are more depressed, emotional expression is fragmented, and it is easy to have more extreme outbreaks after multiple accumulations.

Growth environment

The good or bad temper of a child has a lot to do with his family environment.

A harmonious and warm family environment, a gentle way to express emotions between family members, children under good upbringing, can form a rational, peaceful good temper.

In addition, if the parents' personality is more irritable, irritable, and often family wars occur, these will cause harm to the child's psyche, and they will subtly learn to use simple violent methods like parents when encountering difficulties and dealing with problems.

After understanding the above reasons, Aunt Yun re-examined her parenting style, feeling that she was too anxious and anxious, but she did not know why.

To this end, she turned to Guangzhou to hear about the psychological counseling.

It is said that parents are a mirror of their children, and many times, when children have difficult emotions, parents should first be aware of what is happening in their emotions. When it comes to the details of getting along with the child, Aunt Yun also reviews herself that there are many things that are wrong.

On weekdays, she hates iron not steel, and always blames children for playing and not concentrating on learning. And because the family business is not good, she owes a lot of debts, she often accuses her husband in front of her children for not understanding business and has no vision, which is not good and that is not good...

Through psychological counseling, Aunt Yun gradually realized that when she was a child, her emotional mother always punished her with an attempt to vent her bad emotions, which almost made her feel that her family was like a dark hell, so she ran away from the family early to work. Until now, she still can't let go, and she hides her hatred for her mother. On the other hand, although she hated her mother's irritability, she could not break free like a shackle.

Therefore, when educating her children, she also repeats the mistakes of her mother. She had always thought that the disobedience of her children and the inconsiderateness of her husband had angered her, but she did not know that there was also a violent factor in her personality subconscious.

Thinking that she had also been a child and had experienced all kinds of emotions in her childhood, Aunt Yun would have more empathy for Lele's bad temper. To this end, she is determined to work hard to "change her heart" and make herself a mother with stable emotions.

In the face of the child's tantrums, she no longer reprimands; when she encounters problems, she strives to put herself in the child's shoes with an equal posture.

Although, she is still irritable at times, and she is eager for the child to shut up immediately; obviously, this makes her see her shortcomings more clearly, and sees the trauma she suffered in her childhood, which makes her feel frustrated, frustrated, and embarrassed...

But for the sake of the child's growth, but also for her own growth, in the company of psychological counselors, she bravely faced her own personality and emotional deficiencies. Under the influence of this patience, she was pleased to find that not only did Lele become more and more aware of expressing and controlling her emotions, but her mood was more pleasant, and her husband was also gentle and considerate to her.