The writer De Beauvoir once said of the full-time wife in "The Second Sex":
"There is hard work that can be compared to the torment of ever-repeating housework — the dirty stuff gets dirty and the dirty stuff gets clean again. Day after day, cycle after cycle. ”
Being a stay-at-home wife is really hard. Watching my hard-earned house dirty again, doing the same boring work day after day, I feel like a programmed machine, worthless. Listening to the crying of children, worrying about the matter of chai rice oil, salt, sauce and vinegar tea all day long, when the husband talks to us about the big things that happen outside, you don't know because you don't pay attention to it, you will feel abandoned by the times.
However, what makes the full-time wife collapse the most may not be the trouble of life trivialities, nor the fear of being abandoned by the times, but the fact that she has paid so much for her family, sacrificed her career, and become a yellow-faced woman, but she cannot get the approval of men.
In the eyes of some men, the things that full-time wives do, including childbearing, doing housework, serving the elderly, etc., are all women's innate obligations, not what they pay.
emotion
Expert Tu Lei once said a paragraph:
"In marriage, the most feared thing is that the husband divides the work of the married life from the bottom of his heart, and thinks from the bones that men are only responsible for making money, and women should do housework naturally, and take the baby day and night."
Once they have such an idea, they will debase the woman's efforts to nothing, think that women have no contribution to marriage, look down on their wives in their hearts, and once men have no respect for their wives, the marriage will be in jeopardy.
"Marrying a loser lady is really unfortunate for the family, she wants a divorce, yes, well, I don't want such a woman anymore." 」
In Ye Jieyao's mouth, his wife Zhang Yan is a full-time wife who has no contribution to the family but spends money like water.
01. She gave birth to a daughter, and her sister-in-law gave birth to a son, can I blame my mother for not helping us with the baby?
In January this year, Ye Jieyao's daughter came to the world, but she was not welcomed by Ye Jieyao's parents.
"My sister-in-law was born three days later than my wife and gave birth to a big fat boy, and after my parents found out, they all ran to my sister-in-law to see their grandchildren." This is normal! The grandson is from his own family, and if he wants to pass on the generations, the old man will naturally treat it as a treasure. ”
Ye Jieyao's parents stayed at the youngest son's house, waiting for the little daughter-in-law to confinement, and only made a phone call to greet the eldest daughter-in-law who gave birth to a daughter, and wrapped it up
The red envelope of 500 yuan means it, just don't ask.
In desperation, Zhang Yan only needed to ask her mother to come and serve the confinement, and it was smooth
Done
Confined.
After Zhang Yan has a confinement, her mother must return to her hometown to take her grandson, otherwise, Zhang Yan's brother and daughter-in-law will also be dissatisfied. Because Zhang Yan is far married, it is unrealistic to bring together, so it has become a big problem to take a baby.
"Or, you can be a full-time wife for the time being!" When your daughter is older and can study, you can go out to work for a few years. ”
Ye Jieyao believes that her proposal is reasonable, but Zhang Yan is not happy, although she compromised, but asked Ye Jieyao to hand over her salary and give all her salary to her disposal.
"You need money, just don't you want me?" I'm always online, you can find me at any time! Turn in my salary, pass it on, people think that my wife is strict, and will laugh at me. ”
In the end, at Zhang Yan's insistence, Although Ye Jieyao was reluctant, he still handed in his salary.
02. I work 10 hours a day, earn 8000 a month, and have tried my best;
Speaking of Ye Jieyao's salary, Ye Jieyao this year
29 years old, last year jumped to a new unit, the current monthly salary of 8,000, in the surrounding peers, this salary is not low.
"I go to work at nine o'clock every morning, leave work at 7 o'clock at night, work 10 hours, come home, and I can't figure out what the boss wants to do, let me work at home with the computer." There is a week off, but on Sundays, I have to read the news in the work group at any time and work at any time. It's really angry, our boss uses us as machines, you can't have the slightest bit of satisfaction, otherwise you'll get out of the egg. ”
After Ye Jieyao paid his salary, he would stay
1,000 yuan for self-use, including commuting fees, breakfast expenses, cigarette money, etc., the remaining 7,000 yuan are given to the wife.
Due to the situation of the two families, they did not buy a house, rented a two-bedroom apartment, in order to facilitate Ye Jieyao to work, the community is closer to the city, there is a subway outside the door, the rent is higher, a month needs
Around 2500.
"That's not the Moonlight Clan either!" There are 4500 left, where did she spend it? Mentioning that his wife couldn't save money every month, Ye Jieyao couldn't understand it and felt angry.
Zhang Yan and Ye Jieyao had calculated the monthly water and electricity bills
200, gas, network, telephone bills nearly 400, a family of 3 living expenses of nearly 2000, children are young, easy to get sick, need to see a doctor, Ye Jieyao parents although they have a pension, do not help with the baby, but require the eldest son to now fulfill their obligations to honor them, each month to give them 800 yuan alimony.
However, Ye Jieyao still couldn't understand that there was not enough money to spend, and always felt that Zhang Yan was either extravagant, had unnecessary expenses, or saved private money.
03. Cold? Wouldn't it be nice to drink more hot water? What do you do with chicken soup for $40?
"I didn't guess wrong! She really spent a lot of money, and actually ordered 40 yuan takeaway for a lunch, who can afford this? ”
Some time ago, Ye Jieyao returned home at noon to get something, saw a takeaway on the table, which was chicken soup, when Ye Jieyao saw the amount on the takeaway list, he was instantly angry.
As a result, Zhang Yan was scolded by her angry husband:
"I work 10 hours a day, earn 8,000 a month, you spend 40 on a meal, no wonder it's the Moonlight Clan." Who can afford to spend money like this? ”
Zhang Yan tried to explain, telling Ye Jieyao that she had woken up this morning with a headache and weakness in her limbs, and after measuring it with a thermometer, she found herself with a fever. Due to the requirements of epidemic prevention, it is inconvenient to buy anti-fever medicine, and there is no strength to go out to buy vegetables to cook, so I ordered chicken soup.
However, Ye Jieyao scoffed at this:
"Got a fever? I think you're quite energetic! The chicken soup was all drunk. Besides, what's a big deal about a fever, wouldn't it be nice to drink some hot water? How can you be so squeamish? ”
Zhang Yan was so angry that she went back to the room and locked the door, although Ye Jieyao went back to work, but endlessly, after returning from work, she continued to preach to her wife, and also put forward the request not to hand in the salary card, and the contradiction between husband and wife became more and more intense.
Ye Jieyao accused Zhang Yan of not knowing how to run a family, and Zhang Yan believed that Ye Jieyao was not worthy to be a man:
"When I married you, I didn't mention the marriage room, rented a house with you to get married, the bride price was only 60,000 yuan, and I gave birth to a daughter for you. Unable to support your family, what kind of man are you? ”
During the dispute, Ye Jieyao became angry and slapped Zhang Yan. Zhang Yan hugged her daughter and returned to her mother's house.
"Either you roll back and learn to run the family, or we get divorced, and I don't want it, so you take it with you!"
Seeing that Ye Jieyao was so cold and ruthless, Zhang Yan did not think much about it and agreed to divorce, and at present, the two people are arguing over their daughter's maintenance.
Zhang Yan asked Ye Jieyao to pay her daughter every month
2,000 yuan of child support, until the daughter reaches adulthood, Ye Jieyao is too much, only willing to give ten thousand a year, the two people can not argue, ready to solve the problem through legal means.
04. In the eyes of some men, the wife is just a free nanny for him to pass on the family and do housework.
When encountering a man like Ye Jieyao, there is really no need for marriage to continue. In his eyes, what you do is wrong.
In the eyes of the egoist, whether the wife can make money or not, he is not satisfied. His wife goes out to work, he hates no one with a baby, no one does housework, no one allows him to go home and enjoy his success, clothes to reach out and eat to open his mouth, his wife is a full-time wife, even if he makes the family better, let him live comfortably, he will still feel that his wife's efforts are nothing, do not respect his wife, and even dislike her, abandon her.
Yishu also said something like this:
"Never underestimate the coldness of men when they break up, the most stupid thing for women is to give up their jobs for the so-called family, if they want to be independent in thought, they must first be financially independent, at least when they are scattered, they still have the ability to support themselves and continue to live with dignity!" 」
Women, remember, in marriage, must be independent, learn to adjust men, force men to take responsibility, rather than blindly pay, let the other party take advantage of you and look down on you.