Thanks for this romantic encounter
What you are not aware of becomes your "destiny"
22.04.08 10:00PM Miss you.
- START -
I once asked my husband a question: "What do you think is the truth about marriage?" ”
He said: "It is the plot of dog blood, the truth of chai rice oil and salt." ”
After listening to him, I laughed. In just a few lines, the reality of marriage is revealed: the ordinary and intimate relationship of chai rice oil and salt and the laughter and anger in the intimate relationship are the norm in marriage.
Recently, after reading "The Truth of Marriage", Mr. Li Zixun incarnated as a psychological counselor Mr. Zimu and Mrs. Zimu, and discussed the problems of 25 pairs of "East East" and "West West" who encountered difficulties in marriage.
There are no incomprehensible theories in the book, only realities in marriage. Such as: mother-in-law relationship, second child, old husband and young wife, extramarital affairs, private money, disease...
While not everyone will encounter the above problems in a marriage, there are many people who are suffering from each problem.
So, today I want to talk about a few commonly used truths in marriage.
01.
Small problems in marriage are not solved,
It will get bigger and bigger like a snowball
Everyone has little annoyances about marriage, and if not, it's probably that you haven't seen it yet.
Many times, people take an evasive approach to problems in marriage, which often leads to a phenomenon in which a trivial matter triggers a big conflict.
In fact, that little thing is just a catalyst, opening up all the "dissatisfaction" you have turned a blind eye to marriage in the past, so that small thing becomes a "scapegoat".
If the small problems in marriage are not solved, it will snowball and become bigger and bigger, so big that people think that they can only survive by escaping from marriage.
Avoiding conflict is not the way to solve the problem, the way to solve the problem is to see the desire for love between yourself and the other person.
02.
Under the cloak of anger and dissatisfaction,
It is a fragile heart that longs to be loved
Of the 25 marriage stories in the book, all of them are dissatisfied with marriage, but dissatisfaction and pickiness will not really solve the problem, but will make the marriage relationship deadlocked.
So how can you get your marriage out of an impasse?
The answer is to see the desire under anger and dissatisfaction, both one's own and one's.
In one example in the book, his wife, Sissi, is learning to drive and invites her husband Dongdong to be her coach, but Dongdong always criticizes Sissi when she is a coach, which makes Sissi feel difficult to accept, and their marriage relationship is destroyed.
Sisi was miserable, and she invited Dongdong to be a coach because she wanted her husband to accompany her, and it would be better if his husband could give her some encouragement, which backfired. Dongdong was also very miserable, he was kind enough to be a coach, but he didn't expect Sissi to be unsympathetic, and blamed himself for being too harsh.
Everyone is consumed in this marital fragment.
It wasn't until they began to face up to their inner fragility and desire that the relationship took a turn for the better.
It turned out that Sissi's request for advice was false, and his desire for her husband's company was true. At this time, the pressure and tension of the two people have also been reduced.
03.
A sword-wrenching marriage,
What is missing is an honest conversation
The 25 marriage problems were solved one by one under the guidance of Mr. Zimu. The whole conversation process is like a fragment of marriage counseling. I can feel that the protagonist of the story has made the sword-rattling marriage relationship soft and intimate through dialogue.
The magic is not psychological counseling, nor Mr. Koki, but honest dialogue, which gives the possibility of marital intimacy.
Why is an honest conversation so important?
It is important to note that when two people clash, they are in a state of defense, and at this time people's hearts are tightened, even closed. People will put all the responsibility for the bad marriage on the other party, and this will not solve the problem at all.
But honest dialogue is different, the premise of honesty is that the heart is open, and after the heart is opened, those true parts begin to flow, and there is love, understanding, and reflection in the truth. And that's the hope of marriage!
At last
Problems in marriage are not just problems, they can also be an opportunity, an opportunity for you to have an honest conversation with your partner!
Whenever you or your partner are unhappy, you can ask the question, "What's wrong with you?" ”
When you are willing to go inside yourself or the other person, you will find that love is always there, just covered up by the problem.
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About author:From friends, second-level psychological counselors, an idealist who is moving toward reality, full-time engaged in psychological counseling, good at emotional problem counseling, marriage relationship counseling, and personal growth counseling. Consulting experience of more than 2000 hours.
Article | Heartland Psychology (ID: cppyxl)
Image | Internet
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