Author| Zhang Weifei
Image credit| pexels
Sources | the possibility of growth
There are 45 students in a class, and there are 4 children with depression, which is the situation of the junior high school examination class that Teacher Wang Lu is currently leading. Of the four children, two have experienced repetition because of depression, and the other two children have gradually developed symptoms after Wang Lu took over, they often can't control their emotions, some people avoid learning, stay at home, and some people can't help but beat people at school.
For these four children, Wang Lu has poured a lot of effort into them, and they need more care than other children. Today, Wang Lu told the story of these children.
His eyeballs were cloudy yellow and he was severely sleep deprived
Xiao Dong was diagnosed with depression in the third year of junior high school, so he stayed in the first level, so now he is in Wang Lu's class. Although it has reached the critical period of the junior high school entrance examination, Xiao Dong has not come to school to attend classes, and has been studying at home. Wang Lu often visited his home, Xiao Dong lived in the place is too dark and wet, the location of the first floor, there is no sun all year round, the balcony of the home and the front building are only half a meter away. Wang Lu always felt that such a living environment would also have an impact on his psychology.
"He's told me a lot that his depression is mostly due to family influences and school relationships." Wang Lu said.
Xiao Dong did not get along well with his classmates in the previous class, which also became one of his heart diseases. According to the previous class teacher, there was no heating equipment in the school at that time, xiaodong class proposed, can be paid by each student to install a heating equipment, but Xiaodong's mother is not willing to pay, reported the matter, and finally the heating was not installed, Xiaodong also became the target of the class.
"In fact, we don't know what the truth is, because Xiaodong's mother doesn't admit it, but the school teacher said that the report is traceable." But no matter what the truth was, the classmates and teachers in the class at that time felt that his mother had reported it, and public opinion caused him a lot of pressure, the classmates were very unfriendly to him, excluding him, isolating him, and he fell down at the sports meeting and no one would help him, which made him unable to stay in that class. Wang Lu said.
If it is only the impact of the campus environment, Xiaodong should improve after changing classes, Wang Lu said that the current class atmosphere is still very good, but Xiaodong still can't learn, because the greater impact on Xiaodong is the family environment, according to the teacher, Xiaodong's father belongs to "rough education", and her mother has no patience.
Because most of the people in the class at that time were targeting Xiao Dong, Xiao Dong was very lonely, and he had a relatively good friend, but this friend himself belonged to the bad boy in the eyes of adults, and he loved to mix and play and did not like to read. Xiao Dong was close to him and loved to play games, which caused dissatisfaction among his family, believing that he had learned badly, so Xiao Dong's parents sent him to a "school to quit Internet addiction" in Hunan.
"It's the kind of school in the news where electric shocks are, you know." Wang Lu said, "His parents sent him to an Internet addiction school in Hunan for half a year, and that school did not allow parents to visit him, and his mother only visited him once every three months." He was there alone, still from other provinces, and sent him from Jiangsu to Hunan. This had a very big impact on him, and he still had the scars left on his body in the Internet addiction school. ”
Now, when Xiao Dong quarreled with his family, the most mentioned thing was: "Do you know what kind of life I lived in that school?" ”
Wang Lu said that Xiao Dong's learning foundation is not bad, people are very smart, and he has a good attitude towards his classmates and teachers in school, but because of emotional reasons, he has no way to complete the continuous course, and now he does not come to school much, and he can't come to school mainly to see his mood, so his grades can't keep up.
"When you talk to him, you can clearly see that his eyes are the same cloudy yellow as the old man, and he is seriously sleep deprived. There are no thoughts about the future, no hobbies. Since he was diagnosed, his mother has been more patient with him now, but the situation has not improved. Wang Lu said.
Emotionally sensitive girls often feel uncomfortable
Like Xiao Dong, Xixi also stayed a grade after being diagnosed with depression in the third grade.
"Sisi is a very capable girl, very leadership, volleyball sports student, but also art student, painting, sports are excellent. When I first came into contact, I really thought she was very cheerful and good-looking, but she was very emotionally sensitive. When Wang Lu mentioned Xixi, she first said a lot of advantages, "Her writing is also very good-looking, better than many teachers." ”
In Wang Lu's eyes, Xixi's ability in all aspects is excellent, but also because of depression, she cannot study coherently, and her emotions have a great impact on her, and her grades are not ideal.
"Her depression is mainly due to family reasons, her parents have a bad relationship, and her father is out of town for many years and doesn't care much about her. Her emotions are very sensitive, and she often feels that the people around her do not have good intentions for her. ”
Wang Lu gave an example, once in a labor class, the teacher mentioned "depression", in fact, the students did not know that she had depression, the students were laughing, Xixi thought that the classmates were laughing at her, so she immediately stood up and said to the teacher: "Teacher, I am uncomfortable, I want to go to the psychology teacher." ”
At the same time, Xixi was also more impulsive, and when he had conflicts with others, he often said to Wang Lu: "Teacher, I want to find a group of people to beat him, and I want to put him in a sack and beat him." Wang Lu told her as soon as she had impulsive thoughts. When the sensitive Sissi looks at her classmates when they talk together, she will feel that others are laughing at her and talking about her. "Sissi has a more boy-like personality and doesn't get along well with girls in school." Wang Lu said.
Depression requires medication, they can't control their emotions, they need to be controlled with medication. But the side effects of taking medicine are great, such as drowsiness, which has a big impact on their learning. When they take the medicine, they can obviously feel that their emotions are stable, but because of the side effects of the drug, they sometimes stop the drug, and as soon as they stop the drug, the emotions come up.
The dense scars on the arms have no sense of value in the group
Peach wears long sleeves all year round, and when her emotions are out of control, she will cut her arm with a knife, and the arm is deep and shallow with scars, and she does not want to be seen by others. Wang Lu took over the class halfway, replacing the former class teacher in the second year of junior high school. She also asked Peaches why she hurt herself, but Peaches couldn't say why, only said "like".
Peach has always had a very serious tendency to depression, before she took over the class, Peach's extreme behavior was more, but the family ignored it, and in the first year of junior high, Peach also wanted to jump off the building, and said every day that she did not want to live, which made no sense.
Peach's emotional problems have been delayed, and the family has not paid attention to her in time to help her. It was not until under the communication of Wang Lu that the Peach family finally took her to the doctor, and Peach was also diagnosed with depression.
In Wang Lu's eyes, Peach's mood fluctuates greatly, good times, but sometimes very grumpy.
Peach's problems come more from interpersonal communication, Wang Lu said, Peach is a child with weak social skills.
"Peaches lacks identity in the group and is very insecure. She is a relatively fat girl, it is easy to offend others when she speaks, and her emotional intelligence is not particularly high, so her classmates do not like to associate with her, but she is very eager to have a better interpersonal relationship in the class, and she is eager to get friendship. ”
Peaches do not know how to respect others in interpersonal communication, when getting along with classmates, Peaches will take each other's things to eat, whether others want to or not, talk and start fiddling with each other's things, like to stick to others all day.
"Adolescent children still care more about privacy and self-space, and Peach's approach may not be very boundary-bounded in the eyes of many children, and it will always make people feel offended in the process of getting along with her, so she is not liked by her classmates and is lonely in school."
Peach's popularity is not good, the grades are not good, there is no sense of value in the campus group environment, all aspects are more frustrated, they will feel that they are very bad, and their emotions are getting worse and worse. Wang Lu tried to understand her, from the perspective of Peach into her heart, Wang Lu said: "She does not have a sense of value to gain, sometimes 'sick' but let her be concerned, to be loved." ”
"In fact, Peach is a very kind child, but she very much wants to get the approval of others, her temper is also very grumpy, her personality may have an impact on her family, and her father's way of speaking is also like this, more direct, more offensive." Wang Lu said.
Perhaps it will take until you grow up to leave the influence of your family environment before you can heal yourself
Xiaolin has not yet been diagnosed with depression, but his symptoms are more obvious, the school's psychological teacher also recommended that he see a doctor in time, Xiaolin often told the teacher that he was uncomfortable and wanted to beat people, but no matter how Wang Lu communicated with his parents, parents were reluctant to take him to the doctor.
"The boy was purely family reasoned. In the past, he may have been able to endure at a young age, but as he grew older, knew more clearly, and thought more, he felt more and more pain, and he was a child who thought a lot. ”
Kobayashi's parents divorced, and although the law sentenced him to his father, Kobayashi's father had remarried in other cities and did not care about him at all. Kobayashi is carried by his aunt, and in her aunt's house, he will have the feeling of sending people under the fence. Kobayashi has a sister who is awarded to his mother according to the law, and Kobayashi's mother and sister originally did not care much about him.
Divorced parents, each other love to say bad things about each other, Xiaolin's psychological pressure is relatively large, often feel lonely, in the aunt's family will also feel under the fence, parents and sisters do not care about him, so that he has no sense of belonging." Especially for boys, without a father around, it is equivalent to no role model, which has a great impact on his growth. ”
Kobayashi is more precocious and thinks about a lot of things, for example, he will search for "fathers do not fulfill their responsibilities for the maintenance of children, how should they be punished in law", Kobayashi thinks a lot, and is more concerned about this influence of the family.
"When Kobayashi entered the school, his grades were upper middle, he was very smart, we were ranked by grades, and his student number in the class was 13. But unfortunately, because of emotional problems, his grades can't keep up. Kobayashi is tall and handsome, usually sunny and cheerful, has a good relationship with his classmates, he will not be angry when his classmates joke, he has a good temper, and is a very good child to get along with. He also often helps the teacher. ”
Because he couldn't control his emotions, Kobayashi needed to take time off, and he told the teacher that he was very uncomfortable and needed to go home and lie down for a day.
Perhaps because Wang Lu is more concerned about him, Xiaolin is also very close to Wang Lu, not only will fight Lego toys to give to the teacher, but also make his own desserts to bring to the teacher to eat.
"In fact, what he needs most now is the love of his family, a child like him, giving a little warmth can be brilliant for a long time, I usually communicate with him more, he is very good to me." However, his family did not pay attention to his problems and were unwilling to take him to the doctor, resulting in his emotions often being uncontrollable, always saying that he was uncomfortable and wanted to hit people. Wang Lu said.
"Sometimes, I also want to help them, but what I can do is limited after all, he is good at school, back to the family environment and back to the original form, parents are not willing to treat, I can't do it." And the drug treatment is not fundamental, or he has to come out on his own. Wang Lu said, "If you ask Xiaolin when it is possible to heal himself, maybe he will only improve when he grows up, is independent, and is really not affected by the family environment." ”
The family environment has a great influence on the child's mood
After talking with Wang Lu, we found that in this class, the most critical factor of adolescent depression is still family.
According to the "Report on the Development of National Mental Health in China (2019-2020)", young people aged 18 to 34 are the most anxious group among adults. In 2020, the detection rate of adolescent depression in mainland China was 24.6%, of which major depression was 7.4%.
Why are there higher and higher rates of depression detection in children today?
According to Wang Lu's observation, family relations are still the most important factor affecting the mood of adolescent children, in her class, there are many children whose parents are divorced, only a small number of children can still maintain a good learning state, most of the children will be deeply affected, and their grades will decline.
"Divorce is also divided into families, some parents have better quality, the love for their children is enough, the impact on children is not so great, but some families quarrel endlessly when they are together, and when they are separated, they have to say that each other is not good, and the children must be very uncomfortable in their hearts."
Wang Lu herself also has the childhood experience of her parents' divorce, so she can especially understand these children, sometimes very much want to help them, at least let them feel warm in the school environment, for these children, she also paid a lot of effort, in her memo, recorded a lot of bits and pieces with them.
Xiao Dong only came to Wang Lu's class because of repetition, and at the beginning, he and the classmates around him were not familiar with him, and he sat alone in his seat after class. Wang Lu thought of a way, she said to Xiao Dong, "Can you do me a favor?" After class, I came to my office to help me put the name tag on the homework book for the whole class. ”
Xiao Dong worked seriously and efficiently, and the two recesses were completed, and Wang Lu inadvertently said when he returned to the class to send homework to the whole class: "Everyone sees, the labels on the homework book are all pasted by Xiao Dong for everyone." The students thanked each other one after listening, and Xiao Dong and everyone were more familiar with each other, and she used a very simple method to pull into the relationship between them.
Xiao Dong has no thoughts about the future, no passion and no hobbies, and cannot find the motivation of life, which makes Wang Lu a little worried. She gave Xiao Dong a potted plant and taught Xiao Dong how to raise plants, not to water the plants, he was very careful, and repeatedly confirmed with Wang Lu how to raise them. And Wang Lu often asks him, did you water the plants today?
In order to better understand the children in the class, Wang Lu encouraged everyone to write more weekly notes. She found Peach's Weekly Notes to be well-written, so she often praised her. Peaches is very happy to pour out her emotions in the weekly book, and even willing to write several articles a day, and Wang Lu has become her best reader, listening to her heart and responding. "The weekly record is not only good for me to get to know her, but also for me to understand the atmosphere of the whole class." Wang Lu said.
In Wang Lu's calendar software, several children's birthdays are recorded, and on Peach's birthday, the mobile phone app reminds her. "I left her a message and asked her to guess what birthday present I had prepared for her." Because the food in the canteen was not delicious, Wang Lu ordered delicious hand-torn chicken and cupcakes for Peach and "ate chicken together" with her.
Peach doesn't like to participate in group activities, and she doesn't like to wear class clothes, because wearing class clothes requires wearing skirts. Therefore, Wang Lu and her agreed on three chapters of the law, you can not wear the skirt of the class uniform, but Peach needs to reflect the class consciousness in other places, have a business, and give in to each other. Every Friday, Wang Lu will leave peaches and chat with her, talk about life and ideals.
Speaking of the story between teachers and students, Wang Lu gushed endlessly, she said, such things are really endless, there are many more.
These children, usually behave normally, do not see the problem at all.
"Today's children are very good at hiding their emotions and can disguise themselves, but they can't cover up and can't control their emotions for a long time." Wang Lu said, "The family environment is far greater than the campus environment, and the school can only try to provide a good learning and living environment and reduce the stimulation, but if a large amount of stimulation comes from the family, we can't do anything." ”
For Wang Lu, the most difficult place is still the lack of time and energy.
"The parents of these children have a relatively good attitude towards the teachers, because they want the teachers to take more care of their children in the school. Sometimes they also lose their temper, such as: 'I can't manage this child well, I can't do anything.'" Sometimes I feel that if my parents give up on themselves, what else can I do? ”
Wang Lu will also have a time of collapse, getting along with depressed children, the most important thing is to give emotions and time, accompany, listen, and explain them. However, as a class teacher, she still has a very heavy teaching task, and sometimes she feels that she has more than enough and is not enough.
"Parents are impatient to deal with a depressed child, but I have to meet the emotional needs of four depressed children at the same time, or more tired, in fact, these should be what parents should do, whether it is family parent-child relationship, children's social skills, emotional needs, adolescent rebellion, should be the problem of parents' attention, teachers do more or can not replace parents, they are eager for family warmth and love." 」 Wang Lu said.
(According to the interviewees' request, Wang Lu, Xiao Dong, Xi Xi, Peach, and Xiao Lin are pseudonyms.) ）