Wen | Cheats Jun
There are two or three children in the family, and the most worrying thing for parents is how to be relatively fair, so as to soothe the children's hearts and prevent them from competing for favors for things.
A bao mother told me that when she was pregnant with the second treasure, she secretly decided in her heart that she must have a bowl of water to be level. Because he is the eldest, he has been taught by his parents to "make big and small" since he was a child, and he does not know how much he has been wronged.
So after the second older, whether it is buying snacks or toys and clothes, it is always two people and one share, and it is exactly the same.
But somehow, the more this happened, the more calculated the two children became. Sometimes the same shape of the toy, as long as the color is not the same, two people will make a variety of trouble. This made Bao Ma very confused.
"Isn't it fair to have one share per person, and what else do you want me to do?"
She felt both aggrieved and unsolved. "I've tried my best to be fair, and I don't think there's any parent who can do it better than I do, so why don't kids still buy it?" What exactly do I have to do so that they don't say I'm eccentric? ”
Wen | Cheats Jun
There are two or three children in the family, and the most worrying thing for parents is how to be relatively fair, so as to soothe the children's hearts and prevent them from competing for favors for things.
A bao mother told me that when she was pregnant with the second treasure, she secretly decided in her heart that she must have a bowl of water to be level. Because he is the eldest, he has been taught by his parents to "make big and small" since he was a child, and he does not know how much he has been wronged.
So after the second older, whether it is buying snacks or toys and clothes, it is always two people and one share, and it is exactly the same.
But somehow, the more this happened, the more calculated the two children became. Sometimes the same shape of the toy, as long as the color is not the same, two people will make a variety of trouble. This made Bao Ma very confused.
"Isn't it fair to have one share per person, and what else do you want me to do?"
She felt both aggrieved and unsolved. "I've tried my best to be fair, and I don't think there's any parent who can do it better than I do, so why don't kids still buy it?" What exactly do I have to do so that they don't say I'm eccentric? ”
In fact, this mother did not understand that when there are two or more children in the family, parents do not achieve "one share per person" even if it is fair.
On the contrary, if parents diligently strive for a share of the staff, they will send an emphasis signal to their children, stimulate their children's awareness of comparison, and make children pay more attention to the distribution system of parents.
They will think that the love of the parents is reflected in what is assigned. Once the parents have a slight imbalance, it will trigger the children's psychological imbalance and feel that the parents are really "biased".
Wen | Cheats Jun
There are two or three children in the family, and the most worrying thing for parents is how to be relatively fair, so as to soothe the children's hearts and prevent them from competing for favors for things.
A bao mother told me that when she was pregnant with the second treasure, she secretly decided in her heart that she must have a bowl of water to be level. Because he is the eldest, he has been taught by his parents to "make big and small" since he was a child, and he does not know how much he has been wronged.
So after the second older, whether it is buying snacks or toys and clothes, it is always two people and one share, and it is exactly the same.
But somehow, the more this happened, the more calculated the two children became. Sometimes the same shape of the toy, as long as the color is not the same, two people will make a variety of trouble. This made Bao Ma very confused.
"Isn't it fair to have one share per person, and what else do you want me to do?"
She felt both aggrieved and unsolved. "I've tried my best to be fair, and I don't think there's any parent who can do it better than I do, so why don't kids still buy it?" What exactly do I have to do so that they don't say I'm eccentric? ”
In fact, this mother did not understand that when there are two or more children in the family, parents do not achieve "one share per person" even if it is fair.
On the contrary, if parents diligently strive for a share of the staff, they will send an emphasis signal to their children, stimulate their children's awareness of comparison, and make children pay more attention to the distribution system of parents.
They will think that the love of the parents is reflected in what is assigned. Once the parents have a slight imbalance, it will trigger the children's psychological imbalance and feel that the parents are really "biased".
◆ What children are fighting for is not something, but "who do parents love more"
In fact, what the two children care about is what they have in their hands, but whether the heart of their parents who love him is tilted.
What can reflect the love of parents is never something that is sent to children. It is the child's feedback and feelings about the parents' behavior.
Moreover, each child's hobbies are different, the things they like are different, and in the case of limited family resources, it is not realistic to achieve the same share of one person.
If you want to satisfy the psychology of children", it is actually very simple to really have a bowl of water. As long as parents make every child feel that they are loved with all their hearts, that's it.
Wen | Cheats Jun
There are two or three children in the family, and the most worrying thing for parents is how to be relatively fair, so as to soothe the children's hearts and prevent them from competing for favors for things.
A bao mother told me that when she was pregnant with the second treasure, she secretly decided in her heart that she must have a bowl of water to be level. Because he is the eldest, he has been taught by his parents to "make big and small" since he was a child, and he does not know how much he has been wronged.
So after the second older, whether it is buying snacks or toys and clothes, it is always two people and one share, and it is exactly the same.
But somehow, the more this happened, the more calculated the two children became. Sometimes the same shape of the toy, as long as the color is not the same, two people will make a variety of trouble. This made Bao Ma very confused.
"Isn't it fair to have one share per person, and what else do you want me to do?"
She felt both aggrieved and unsolved. "I've tried my best to be fair, and I don't think there's any parent who can do it better than I do, so why don't kids still buy it?" What exactly do I have to do so that they don't say I'm eccentric? ”
In fact, this mother did not understand that when there are two or more children in the family, parents do not achieve "one share per person" even if it is fair.
On the contrary, if parents diligently strive for a share of the staff, they will send an emphasis signal to their children, stimulate their children's awareness of comparison, and make children pay more attention to the distribution system of parents.
They will think that the love of the parents is reflected in what is assigned. Once the parents have a slight imbalance, it will trigger the children's psychological imbalance and feel that the parents are really "biased".
◆ What children are fighting for is not something, but "who do parents love more"
In fact, what the two children care about is what they have in their hands, but whether the heart of their parents who love him is tilted.
What can reflect the love of parents is never something that is sent to children. It is the child's feedback and feelings about the parents' behavior.
Moreover, each child's hobbies are different, the things they like are different, and in the case of limited family resources, it is not realistic to achieve the same share of one person.
If you want to satisfy the psychology of children", it is actually very simple to really have a bowl of water. As long as parents make every child feel that they are loved with all their hearts, that's it.
◆ It is recommended that parents implement it from the following two aspects:
1. Meet the different needs of children according to their age group
For example, there is a five-year-old brother and a half-year-old brother in the family. Obviously, the older brother needs to meet the emotional care, while the younger brother only needs to take care of the daily life in a timely manner and respond in a timely manner.
Then, after the eldest kindergarten comes home from school, Bao Mom can put aside the matter of taking care of the second eldest, and the other people in the family can do it for her, and she can communicate with Dabao more about things in school, and focus more on her brother's emotional care.
Wen | Cheats Jun
There are two or three children in the family, and the most worrying thing for parents is how to be relatively fair, so as to soothe the children's hearts and prevent them from competing for favors for things.
A bao mother told me that when she was pregnant with the second treasure, she secretly decided in her heart that she must have a bowl of water to be level. Because he is the eldest, he has been taught by his parents to "make big and small" since he was a child, and he does not know how much he has been wronged.
So after the second older, whether it is buying snacks or toys and clothes, it is always two people and one share, and it is exactly the same.
But somehow, the more this happened, the more calculated the two children became. Sometimes the same shape of the toy, as long as the color is not the same, two people will make a variety of trouble. This made Bao Ma very confused.
"Isn't it fair to have one share per person, and what else do you want me to do?"
She felt both aggrieved and unsolved. "I've tried my best to be fair, and I don't think there's any parent who can do it better than I do, so why don't kids still buy it?" What exactly do I have to do so that they don't say I'm eccentric? ”
In fact, this mother did not understand that when there are two or more children in the family, parents do not achieve "one share per person" even if it is fair.
On the contrary, if parents diligently strive for a share of the staff, they will send an emphasis signal to their children, stimulate their children's awareness of comparison, and make children pay more attention to the distribution system of parents.
They will think that the love of the parents is reflected in what is assigned. Once the parents have a slight imbalance, it will trigger the children's psychological imbalance and feel that the parents are really "biased".
◆ What children are fighting for is not something, but "who do parents love more"
In fact, what the two children care about is what they have in their hands, but whether the heart of their parents who love him is tilted.
What can reflect the love of parents is never something that is sent to children. It is the child's feedback and feelings about the parents' behavior.
Moreover, each child's hobbies are different, the things they like are different, and in the case of limited family resources, it is not realistic to achieve the same share of one person.
If you want to satisfy the psychology of children", it is actually very simple to really have a bowl of water. As long as parents make every child feel that they are loved with all their hearts, that's it.
◆ It is recommended that parents implement it from the following two aspects:
1. Meet the different needs of children according to their age group
For example, there is a five-year-old brother and a half-year-old brother in the family. Obviously, the older brother needs to meet the emotional care, while the younger brother only needs to take care of the daily life in a timely manner and respond in a timely manner.
Then, after the eldest kindergarten comes home from school, Bao Mom can put aside the matter of taking care of the second eldest, and the other people in the family can do it for her, and she can communicate with Dabao more about things in school, and focus more on her brother's emotional care.
If the family is Bao's mother fighting alone, there is also a trick, that is, to mobilize the enthusiasm of Dabao to take care of Erbao, and praise him more, praising his "contribution" in taking care of his younger brothers and sisters.
In this way, Dabao will transform himself more from a competitor to a caretaker for his younger siblings, and he will be less "jealous".
2. Create a solitary space for each child to belong to him and his mother, so that the child can feel your unique love
If two children are the same age, try to create an "exclusive space" for each child to be his and his parents. In this way, he will feel that he is unique in the hearts of his parents and mothers, because at this time, his parents are exclusive to him.
Wen | Cheats Jun
There are two or three children in the family, and the most worrying thing for parents is how to be relatively fair, so as to soothe the children's hearts and prevent them from competing for favors for things.
A bao mother told me that when she was pregnant with the second treasure, she secretly decided in her heart that she must have a bowl of water to be level. Because he is the eldest, he has been taught by his parents to "make big and small" since he was a child, and he does not know how much he has been wronged.
So after the second older, whether it is buying snacks or toys and clothes, it is always two people and one share, and it is exactly the same.
But somehow, the more this happened, the more calculated the two children became. Sometimes the same shape of the toy, as long as the color is not the same, two people will make a variety of trouble. This made Bao Ma very confused.
"Isn't it fair to have one share per person, and what else do you want me to do?"
She felt both aggrieved and unsolved. "I've tried my best to be fair, and I don't think there's any parent who can do it better than I do, so why don't kids still buy it?" What exactly do I have to do so that they don't say I'm eccentric? ”
In fact, this mother did not understand that when there are two or more children in the family, parents do not achieve "one share per person" even if it is fair.
On the contrary, if parents diligently strive for a share of the staff, they will send an emphasis signal to their children, stimulate their children's awareness of comparison, and make children pay more attention to the distribution system of parents.
They will think that the love of the parents is reflected in what is assigned. Once the parents have a slight imbalance, it will trigger the children's psychological imbalance and feel that the parents are really "biased".
◆ What children are fighting for is not something, but "who do parents love more"
In fact, what the two children care about is what they have in their hands, but whether the heart of their parents who love him is tilted.
What can reflect the love of parents is never something that is sent to children. It is the child's feedback and feelings about the parents' behavior.
Moreover, each child's hobbies are different, the things they like are different, and in the case of limited family resources, it is not realistic to achieve the same share of one person.
If you want to satisfy the psychology of children", it is actually very simple to really have a bowl of water. As long as parents make every child feel that they are loved with all their hearts, that's it.
◆ It is recommended that parents implement it from the following two aspects:
1. Meet the different needs of children according to their age group
For example, there is a five-year-old brother and a half-year-old brother in the family. Obviously, the older brother needs to meet the emotional care, while the younger brother only needs to take care of the daily life in a timely manner and respond in a timely manner.
Then, after the eldest kindergarten comes home from school, Bao Mom can put aside the matter of taking care of the second eldest, and the other people in the family can do it for her, and she can communicate with Dabao more about things in school, and focus more on her brother's emotional care.
If the family is Bao's mother fighting alone, there is also a trick, that is, to mobilize the enthusiasm of Dabao to take care of Erbao, and praise him more, praising his "contribution" in taking care of his younger brothers and sisters.
In this way, Dabao will transform himself more from a competitor to a caretaker for his younger siblings, and he will be less "jealous".
2. Create a solitary space for each child to belong to him and his mother, so that the child can feel your unique love
If two children are the same age, try to create an "exclusive space" for each child to be his and his parents. In this way, he will feel that he is unique in the hearts of his parents and mothers, because at this time, his parents are exclusive to him.
For example, after the birth of the second treasure, the mother thunder and lightning will not stop the bedtime time as the exclusive parent-child reading time of the big treasure, and the second treasure will be handed over to the baby father after work to take care of it. In this way, Dabao can get a great sense of satisfaction in his heart.
If you find both of these points difficult to operate, there is also a "golden rule". That is to give Dabao full love and take more care of Dabao's feelings.
Dabao is satisfied from the love of his parents, and naturally he will learn from him and share his love with his younger siblings, instead of spilling, crying, arguing, and robbing his parents of their attention.
Because love is not less to give, but can be passed on and infected.
How many children do you have? Do you get upset because your kids are competing for favors? 】
Senior nursery, psychological counselor. Understand the parenting and psychology, but also pay attention to the self-growth and family management of baoma, and strive to be the intimate person of mothers.
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