Everything is most afraid of black and white, especially the matter of educating children.
Why do we read so many truths, but we can't live this life well? Why do you read so many theories of educating children, but you can't bring your own baby?
In fact, there will be these doubts, perhaps you have not yet obtained a human truth:
All educational theories that do not take into account one's own situation are on paper.
In the mother's psychological training camp, I met such a mother, who has been doting on her child since she was a child and helping her child to do everything, resulting in poor independence since childhood.
When children start going to boarding schools and want to be independent on their own, various problems arise:
Can't fetch water, can't do laundry, and can't make the bed. There is no one to supervise the study, the homework is always procrastinating, the attention is not concentrated in class, the inferiority is always felt, and in the later stages, even do not want to go to school.
This mother said that when the child was still young and wanted to try to do something on her own, I always said: "Don't move, let your mother come", "You are still too young", "You can't do it well", "You will be hurt", "Wait until you grow up"...
When the child faces other peers with strong independence in the later stage, it seems particularly "unsociable", and then the mother regrets that she did not cultivate the child's independence earlier.
Children are used to being held by hand from an early age, accustomed to always having a mother arrange everything, no opportunity to try it themselves, and self-efficacy is easy to be relatively low.
Many children are taken care of by their parents when they are minors, and it is easy to learn helplessness when they are adults, that is, they are accustomed to letting others help them do things, and they have no control over the results.
Blindly let the child listen to us, can we really solve all the problems that arise in the child's growth?
When a child listens to us when he is a child, he does not develop the ability to face life alone, adapt to society, and solve problems.
01.
It's time to make a "let-go list."
Parents list the things you want to take care of your children every day to see what is the child's business, what is their own business, and which parents can ignore it.
Many things can be done independently by children, but we have not found out. In addition to dressing and eating, it also includes things that are not difficult to organize school bags and take the bus alone.
In terms of living habits, when cultivating children's independence, no matter how slow and clumsy the child behaves, give the child enough freedom and time to let them complete it independently as much as possible.
In terms of learning, there are always some children who procrastinate and grind when writing homework, and cannot get rid of the "monitoring" of their parents. Once it is related to learning, it is difficult for parents to "let go".
Parents can help their children go from "making a plan together" to "they can make a plan on their own", consult their children's opinions, change "I plan to do this" to "how do we do it", and cultivate their children's awareness of managing time.
Let your child be clear about the tasks that need to be completed each day and the time it takes for each task. Just by urging, the child cannot become the master of "time".
02.
Accept the child as he is and let the child be himself
In the eyes of mom psychology, there is now a popular phrase called "become yourself".
I believe that this is also the expectation of many parents for themselves, we hope that we are an independent and free individual, not attached to others, have their own rhythm and independent space and time, the child is the same.
We all say, "Do not do to others what you do not want, and do to others what you want." So are these things that we crave given to our children?
Treat children as independent individuals and give them the freedom to express their ideas. Whenever it comes to your child, try to ask your child and respect his opinions and ideas.
What do you want to eat for the meal, where to go on vacation, when to write your homework, whether to play games or go for a run after writing...
In such a relationship, children can not only feel respected, but also learn to think seriously and arrange their own lives.
03.
Parents should not put all their energy into their children
Parenting begins with self-rearing. Parents live a healthy and positive life, know how to plan their own lives, and subtly affect the positive development of their children.
To be a good parent, it is actually very simple, live for yourself.
The person who lives himself as a relaxed and happy person is the best gift a mother can give to her child, this is not selfishness, it is responsible for yourself.
Only when parents take responsibility for themselves can children learn to take responsibility for themselves. The more parents give, the more suffocated their children will live.
Parents have their own careers and care for each other, rather than sacrificing all their energy to put on their children, so that the parent-child relationship can be stable and balanced.
Many mothers say that the health and happiness of their children is the happiness of mothers; great mothers are selfless mothers...
This hurts both the child and the self.
Mothers always talk about their difficulties, wrap their children with airtight love, and cause considerable burdens to children, resulting in children being uncreative, afraid to take risks, and trapped in rules and regulations.
The child is not willing to disappoint the mother, but also unwilling to wronged himself, always living very tired, will only feel angry and powerless.
And the mother has completely lost her independence, lost the opportunity to enjoy life, and has completely become a bystander of the child's life, without really living for herself.
Psychology believes that a child's rebellious behavior is essentially a rebellion against the control of the parents.
In the early stage, the procrastination and rubbing of children's homework is simply a "hidden confrontation". Later school aversion, irritability, and strong rebellion are all venting dissatisfaction with parental control.
Italian education expert Montessori said: "Education must first guide children to take the road of independence, which is a key issue in our education. ”
Throughout the ages, all those who have achieved something have an independent personality, dare to stick to their own ideas, and open up unknown areas for the public, so as to achieve major breakthroughs in life.
Every parent who is full of endless expectations for their children's future should strengthen the cultivation of their children's independence.
The company of parents and families always has an end, and the road of life still has to be faced by children themselves. Teaching him independence is the best gift of growth you can give him!
Mom Psychology opened the video number of Teacher Mo Wei
Hurry up and pay attention!
Every "watching" you ordered I seriously liked