In intimate relationships, what we often do is throw each other an anxiety (emotion), hoping that the other party will catch and resolve this anxiety, and give me a good thing. But basically times

In intimate relationships, what we often do is throw each other an anxiety (emotion), hoping that the other party will catch and resolve this anxiety, and give me a good thing. But basically every time the other party not only can't catch and resolve, but also gives me a greater anxiety, and then we fall into anger, loss, helplessness, pain...

Despite the pain, we are "happy" to play this game tirelessly, and this play may be more than ten years.

This is most likely a pattern of our relationship with our parents from an early age.

When I have emotions and troubles, I ask my parents for help, but my parents are always grumpy and harsh on us. When we look back on the past, some of the things we can remember are indeed true.

When we go into intimate relationships, we desire the other person to be able to see and respond to us gently, but under the automatic operation of the inner relationship model, it always pushes things in the bad direction, in the direction that our parents treat us.

The repetition and reincarnation of childhood pain in life is partly because we desire to transform each other, and by transforming each other it seems that we can correct the tragic fate of our childhood. On the other hand, in this samsara we gain a sense of control.

From the other person's point of view, the other party can't catch our emotions, most likely because he also undertook too many emotions in his childhood, and these emotions made him deeply resentful.

In intimate relationships, just as we project him onto our parents and repeat some of the feelings that our parents have brought us, he will project me onto his parents and repeat some of the feelings that their parents have brought to him.

His repetition is also for transformation, and he also longs for someone who can understand and see his pain from a deep level and pull him out of the abyss of pain, just as I desire him to see and respond, and he also craves my seeing and understanding.

And our usual practice is, just like his usual practice, not only do not want to see and understand him, but will often throw emotions at him, create anxiety, he can not resolve, but also arouse his inner wounds that have existed since childhood, so sometimes he will be grumpy and harsh to us.

thereupon

I treated him like his mother,

He treated me like my father.

It's like a cycle in which we go through each other and experience the pain of childhood again and again. The so-called soul sparring is to be able to heal each other's inner wounds, so they have been practicing tirelessly for more than ten years.

#Counselors say ##Psychology #Family of Origin # #亲密关系 #