1, my sister-in-law's bathroom is broken, ran to my house to borrow the bathroom to take a bath. It just so happened that my wife was on a business trip again, and at night there were two people at home, me and my eldest sister-in-law. My sister-in-law said to me,

1, my sister-in-law's bathroom is broken, ran to my house to borrow the bathroom to take a bath. It just so happened that my wife was on a business trip again, and at night there were two people at home, me and my eldest sister-in-law. My eldest sister-in-law said to me, it is not convenient for me to take a bath at home, you still go out for a walk. I'm a little upset. You borrow my bathroom to take a shower and waste my house's water and electricity. Soap, shampoo. Now let me go out for a walk. This is not enough to say. So I said angrily to my sister-in-law. You give me ten dollars, and I'm going to buy a cup of milk tea to drink. The eldest sister-in-law snorted, only gave me eight dollars, and said to me, just buy a cup of milk tea for eight dollars. Hey, this big sister-in-law is really stingy, the next time she comes to borrow the bathroom, I promise not to open the door for her.

2. I quit my job as a programmer and set up a stall in front of the university to sell kebabs. On this day, the little uncle brought his girlfriend to my stall to eat kebabs. After eating, the little uncle asked me: "Sister-in-law, how much is it?" I held out three fingers, meaning thirty pieces. Little uncle: "I eat often, can you give you 200?" I could only blush and say, "Forget it, they are all acquaintances." ”?

3, go to a commissary at night to buy cigarettes, see a brother in his thirties who opened an Audi A8 in his arms, wrapped a box on the counter, grabbed a large handful of change and steel from the box and counted more than twenty pieces for the boss to buy cigarettes. Seeing that I was very surprised to look at him, he said leisurely: Brother, when you reach my age, you will know what is private money. I said: I want to be as rich as you, I feel like saying one thing at home. He took out a cigarette and said: She can make me go from being a rich person to a poor egg...

4. I owe more than 3 million online loans in three years, and I can only work two jobs in order to repay the online loans. On this day, the overtime work in the company suddenly lost power, and everyone immediately began to coax, saying that they would go home if they did not work overtime. At this time, the manager shouted: No permission to go, call immediately! I had to hold the phone to play for a while, I don't know how long it took, finally called, I shouted happily: call! Looking around, I was the only one in the empty office, and even the manager was gone!?

5, I have been working in the company for many years, my son has not had a girlfriend, colleagues introduced one to my son. And has always praised the girl's special knowledge of Dali. My son and I were particularly satisfied. After getting married, my colleague asked me in the company: How is it? Daughter-in-law is doing okay, right? I smiled bitterly and said quietly: You are right, 'Zhishu Dali', playing mahjong knows to lose, and housework is never taken care of.

6. Because the child's grades are not good, the teacher comforts: "It's okay, the stupid bird flies first, do you know what a stupid bird is?" The child said, "I know that there are three kinds of stupid birds." The teacher asked, "Oh?" There are three? Which three kinds of children said: "One is to fly first, one is tired and can't fly, and the other is to lay eggs in the nest and want the next generation to fly hard." Teacher: "..."

7. One day when my brother got a driver's license, I secretly drove my father's Maybach out for a ride. As soon as I left the neighborhood, I bumped into a pregnant woman who unfortunately miscarried. I felt so guilty that I spent $10,000 to marry her back home. Not long after the marriage, I took her to the mall to buy clothes, and when I was in line to pay, my wife took out cash. There were many beautiful women around, and in order to show myself, I took out my credit card hard: "Or I swipe the card!" The wife glanced at the girls around her, and Yu Yu said, "No, let your wife know how bad it is!" "For an instant, the beautiful women around me looked at me a little strangely!

8. The power went out suddenly at home, and the daughter-in-law kissed her in the dark, and the mother-in-law whispered, "Oh,...... Hate, don't make trouble..." I was stunned at once, why did I kiss the wrong person? I wanted to make sure it was the wrong kiss, so I touched my girlfriend's ass... The mother-in-law whispered again: "Why are you so annoying..." I thought to myself: "This is over, really kissed the wrong..." Embarrassed, I really wanted to find a seam to drill into... But obviously it's my girlfriend! I thought about it, anyway, I kissed it, touched it... Before leaving, I asked my girlfriend: Did I kiss you just now? The girlfriend said, "Yeah, what's wrong?" I hurriedly said: It's all right... Now rest assured... The ass should not be wrong!

9. When I was working in an electronics factory, I was accidentally injured and lost the most precious thing for men. The head of the department reported it to the boss, who was very sympathetic to me and compensated me 10 million. I took 10 million to leave this sad place, went to Tomson Yipin to buy a suite, and lived an anonymous life. When I walked home tonight, it was just me and a man in sunglasses in the elevator, watching his hand fail to press the floor a few times. I was wondering if he was a blind man, and he asked me how many floors I was. Surprised, I asked, "Can you see me?" He was instantly "petrified" and took 5 steps back. It turned out that I thought of him as blind, and he regarded me as a jewel!

10. Once my mom was on a business trip, my dad did something that we will remember for the rest of our lives: use a pressure cooker to strip! When I heard my dad howling in the kitchen, I was stunned by what I saw when I rushed into the kitchen! Noodles squirted out of holes in the lid! The ceiling is full of noodles! The power is great! Not a single noodle fell! The next day my dad sold the pressure cooker.

11, there is a square near our community, and there are often a few old guys who are fast into the ground to brag together. Several elderly people who are about to retire are asking an old man who has been retired for many years about retirement life. Everyone laughed and asked, "Is retirement good?" The old man smiled and said, "The first two years were very good!" And everyone asked, "What about later?" Isn't that good? The old man listened, frowned, and said in silence for a while: "Later, my wife also retired!" ”

#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #