1, my girlfriend suddenly wanted to eat pomegranates, and asked me to plant a pomegranate tree for her. I patiently explained to my girlfriend: "The tree species in the winter are not alive, wait for you to plant it around Arbor Day next year!" "The girlfriend is not dependent,

1, my girlfriend suddenly wanted to eat pomegranates, and asked me to plant a pomegranate tree for her. I patiently explained to my girlfriend: "The tree species in the winter are not alive, wait for you to plant it around Arbor Day next year!" "The girlfriend is not dependent, and she wants the pomegranate tree." No way, open a treasure, I want customer service to tell her that she can't plant trees now. Search for selling saplings, ask customer service: buy saplings now, can you plant and live? Customer service guarantee: send you rooting powder, bubble saplings buried in the soil, guaranteed to live! I looked at the snow outside, and suddenly I wondered if I could really plant a job...

2. During the New Year, Dumb went to see his uncle with gifts, and the uncle clamored to introduce his girlfriend to Dumb. Old uncle: "Little stupid, your uncle and I have no other skills, that is, women know a lot, who called us a marriage agency?" The old man's buddy said: "Do you know more women I know, home address, phone number, like anything, I know!" Dumb asked the brothers of the uncle: "Uncle, are you also opening a marriage agency?" The old man interjected: "Don't listen to him, he is delivering the courier!" ”

3, I lay on the bed and stroked my husband. I asked: Husband, there were so many girls chasing you back then, why did you choose me? The husband smiled and said: Because you are the most eye-catching in that group of girls. Who called you the only man in that group of girls!

4, in the middle of the night, I played under the window of the neighbor to eat snacks, suddenly the door opened widely, a TOWEL around the MM with a broom to call me: "I have not seen peeking at people taking a bath and bringing snacks" "Big sister I came to rub wifi." ”

5, go to the brother-in-law's house party, the cousin of the third year of high school took out a small bag of things, let us help him solve the case, said that a girl confessed to him, he refused, the girl sent, do not know what it means. The eldest brother-in-law is a Chinese medicine doctor, and his sense of smell is particularly sensitive, saying that it seems to be Chinese medicine, and then he takes it and opens it. Inside the paper bag were several slices of some kind of plant root, and the eldest brother-in-law smelled and said that it was salvia, and then picked up the only peanut-like shell and said that this flavored medicine is not commonly used, called shellfish. Salvia, shell, a shell, we who know the answer laughed, this girl's curse...

6, a few days ago, my father's birthday, so he took my son home. After arriving home, the son saw a lot of people, so he ran to his father and asked why so many people were there. Dad smiled and said, "Today is my birthday." The son asked with a puzzled face: "What does 'birthday' mean?" "Birthday, that is to say, Grandpa was born today." The son listened, and instantly widened his eyes and said innocently: "How did I grow up today?" ”

7. On the afternoon of the eighteenth birthday, no one in the family said anything. So when I was watching TV, I deliberately said in front of my parents: Whose birthday seems to be today? Only to see my father patting his thigh: Today is our family treasure's birthday! After saying that, I hurried out of the house and came back with a small cake. I smiled and prepared to take it and eat it, and then, my father took the cake away and went to feed the two-year-old Erha of the family...

8, in order to celebrate the first anniversary of marriage, I have never cooked, and I deliberately fried a few dishes. My husband came back from work, first stunned, and then hugged me: Oh, my wife can actually stir-fry, today is our wedding anniversary, we must have a sense of ceremony. Then the old prist lit the lamp, lit a candle, and opened a bottle of red wine. The excitement in my heart, these two people also know how to be romantic. When I went to the meal, I heard my husband muttering in a low voice: This dish is burned like this, and I really can't eat it without turning off the lights.

9, once, the stomach is uncomfortable, let the girlfriend accompany me to see a Chinese medicine doctor. The doctor is a handsome guy, and my heart is pounding when I see it! The handsome man said to me, "There is nothing wrong with your stomach, but is there something wrong with your eyes?" I had to wear makeup when I went out, and that day, I put on gray contact lenses, and then I started pretending to be stupid: "Uh... What?" My girlfriend shouted in my ear, "He asked you, the eyes are not... be... Yes... hair... Sick!" Oh my God, why should I bring these two goods...

10. Recently, I felt that my son in my second year of high school was in love, and then I called his class teacher in the honor of caring about learning. A few days later, when I learned the truth, I was completely stunned! The future daughter-in-law turned out to be the class teacher I had called, and it didn't take long for them to graduate from college. It's also too ,,,,

11, once with a female colleague to drink, the female colleague was drunk, I sent her home, took care of him for a night, tired me enough. Then the female colleague became my girlfriend, and every time I drank, my girlfriend sent me back. Curiously, I asked, "Why aren't you drunk now?" The girlfriend said: After practicing with you

12. The Eight Precepts: Master, isn't eating your flesh immortal, why don't you eat your own flesh? Goku: You idiot, don't you know that monks can't eat meat? Sha Monk: In order to live forever, even if you break the vows, you have to eat it. Tang Monk: Don't quarrel, do you really think that you can live forever by eating a bite, that is also a quantity of requirements, before you can eat the amount, I will already die of pain.

13) A few days ago I had a drink with a very good friend. As he was eating, he suddenly said to me, "Hey, I heard that your wife won't let you drink?" I replied with a look of indifference: "I am like a tiger at home." I'll be afraid of her! Ha ha. "After a while, I actually came back from work early!" I quickly shouted, "Quick, Wu Song is back!" Help me clean up the table! ”

14. The collector's edition of Wuliangye, which my father bought with private money, was stolen and sold for 1,000 yuan by me. Dad was very angry when he found out and beat me up. I said aggrievedly: Dad, I am not your own child at all, and you don't care about me. Dad: Nonsense, do you know how much I love you? Me: How much love? Dad: Son, you never know how much Dad loves you, you made a mistake when you were a child, and I took half a day off to come home and beat you.