The author | Huang Jianwen
Source | True Story Plan
ID｜zhenshigushi1
Young women in the county system are encountering the dilemma of choosing a mate.
Recently, Yihuang County, Jiangxi Province, has introduced a number of policies to encourage older young female cadres and workers to choose a spouse to start a family, including providing a one-time housing subsidy of 30,000 yuan.
The problem is still difficult to solve, and more and more women in the county system are "left".
The protagonist of today's story is 34 years old, a civil servant in the county, she has been on blind dates 39 times, and is ready to go to the next blind date.
Most of the men in the county have passed
34-year-old Su Xiao, accompanied by his girlfriend, walked into the box of a high-end restaurant, and Mr. Yang, who had already sat down, immediately stood up to greet him.
Mr. Yang is no different from the photo, but his height is similar to that of Su Xiao, who is wearing high heels.
If it weren't for that short, clean, lined hair, it wouldn't really look like a pedigrade teacher.
After introducing the basic information of the two, the scene cooled down.
Mr. Yang said very little, bowed his head, red face, looked very restrained, fortunately, the dishes came up one after another, and everyone greeted and began to eat.
Mr. Yang saw that Su Xiao did not move her chopsticks much, and several times told her to eat more.
"I'm going to dance later, I can't eat more." Su Xiao said. Mr. Yang responded solemnly: "Then you really have to eat more, and you have to jump up to have strength." ”
Su Xiao had nothing to say.
The 39th blind date in his life ended.
Figure | Around the Spring Festival, a peak of blind dates is set off
With a stable job in the system, good looks, in the eyes of outsiders, Su Xiao is the "heavenly dish" in the marriage market.
But reality left her behind.
In this county town on the middle and lower plains of the Yangtze River, there are not a few leftover women in the older system like Su Xiao, and Su Xiao's colleague and girlfriend Ye Lan is also one of them, she has experienced a one-year marriage, but she has been single for several years without new feelings.
Before meeting Mr. Yang, Su Xiao wanted to add WeChat to chat first, flip through the circle of friends, and find out the situation of the other party.
The older she gets, the more lazy she is to meet and go on a blind date, and in general, she will add WeChat first and talk well before meeting.
As a result, there are more than a dozen friends who have only added friends but have never talked about the day.
The few resources that are already there are basically "dead" in WeChat.
With the increase of age, Su Xiao's blind date resources have dropped from one a month to one a year.
She grew up in the county, and the blind dates were mainly introduced by friends, relatives and colleagues, and most of the local eligible boys, especially in the system, basically met each other.
Mr. Yang is a compiled middle school teacher, just within the scope of Su Xiao's mate selection.
In 2019, Ouyang Jing, an associate professor at Jiangxi University of Finance and Economics, pointed out in a study of "leftover women" within the county system:
The "leftover women" in the counties in the central and western regions have obvious "system" characteristics, and mainly appear in the party and government organs and institutions of counties and townships;
Taking the counties surveyed by Ouyang Jing as an example, since 2008, the system has recruited 2993 new people, of which 1895 are women, while there are about 248 unmarried women over the age of 30, accounting for more than 10%.
The problem of mate selection encountered by young women in the county system has become a common phenomenon in the current society, and it has become more and more intense.
The day of the blind date with Mr. Yang was December 31, 2021, Su Xiao rushed to the blind date bureau, finished the dance class, and then crossed the Year with the female friends who rushed back from other places.
After crossing the zero point, Mr. Yang sent an animated message "Happy New Year", and Su Xiao replied with the same four words.
After three days of holiday on New Year's Day, Mr. Yang sent a message to Su Xiao, and it had been 4 days since the two people had last met, and Mr. Yang asked her to dinner and said that he wanted to talk more alone.
Su Xiao simply refused, "In the future, we will only be friends." ”
misplacement
Su Xiao's parents both have identities within the system, and they hope that their only daughter can also find a husband with a structure, and both of them have stable jobs and can live decently and comfortably in a small place.
When he was in college in the provincial capital, Su Xiao once had a good feeling with a male classmate from Guangdong, but considering the outcome of their respective returns home, the two chose not to start.
After four years of college, Su Xiao did not fall in love, and after a period of preparation after graduation, in 2013, at the age of 25, she was admitted to the civil service.
Su Xiao was admitted to the public security bureau of the county next door to his hometown, assigned to the township police station, and worked, ate, and slept in the unit every day.
As the civil service exam continues to be hot, many positions require a few years of training in the local area.
During the three years of working in the township, the circle was small and closed, and coupled with his own pickiness, Su Xiao refused several suitors in succession.
"Those days were the age when I should talk about marriage." Now, Su Xiao had a little regret.
At that time, she was very thoughtful, she was an only child, and she became a family in other places, and I was afraid that she would not be able to take care of her parents in her hometown.
Getting married and taking root in the township means that it is difficult to return to the county home.
In 2016, Su Xiao was transferred back to the hometown public security bureau as he wished, returning to his parents.
At that time, she was 28 years old, and she was older in a small county.
Fortunately, Su Xiao's conditions in all aspects are good, in the face of a blind date, she said that she is "a bit picky", she will be picky about the man's appearance, conversation and knowledge, etc., parents and relatives have said that she, don't be too picky, but Su Xiao feels, "You can't always find someone to marry." ”
In the county public security system where Su Xiao is located, the number of male police officers is ten times that of female police officers, and it is reasonable to say that female police officers should be easy to find objects.
In fact, on the contrary, the male colleagues in the unit are married one by one, and there are only a few singles, and there are no less than ten older leftover women like Su Xiao.
In reality, whether it is male policemen or other male civil servants, most of them prefer to find female teachers as partners, thinking that female teachers have winter and summer vacations, have plenty of time, and it is convenient to bring children.
The public security system is a heavy workload, and male police and female teachers have become a golden match.
On the other hand, there is a "misalignment" between men and women in the concept of mate selection, and the man can accept a woman with worse conditions than himself, but few women are willing to marry a man with worse conditions than themselves, and this "dislocation" is more obvious in the county of the acquaintance society.
Professor Ouyang Jing pointed out that this is the concept of mate selection formed since ancient times, which is in line with the gradient theory of mate selection, and women hope to find men with better conditions than themselves.
Figure | Japanese movie "Koyoshi, Koma, Sawako"
In 2016, when Su Xiaogang was transferred back from other places to the Criminal Investigation Department of the Public Security Bureau, he was arranged by the department leaders for a blind date, and the boys were in the system and had just been transferred back from other places.
The introducer is the leader of both sides, when they meet and eat, the two leaders are present, trying to match, that blind date, more like a work exchange meeting.
After the meal, the man took the initiative to add Su Xiao's WeChat, and his conditions in all aspects met Su Xiao's mate selection standards.
A few days later, the leader looked displeased and asked Su Xiao: "I heard that the boy said that you were too difficult to meet, and people didn't want to touch you." ”
Su Xiao was a little confused, "He didn't ask me out at all, nor did he talk to me!" ”
She did not want to theorize, and after a few days, she saw the man in the circle of friends to show affection, which was found out, known as single, he already had a girlfriend when he was out of town, and has been dating.
Without further exploring the reason, this incident made Su Xiao have less trust in love.
In recent years, her parents have been anxious, but they have not forced her too tight, just such an only child, parents think that their daughter's happiness is the most important.
For the sake of a harmonious family atmosphere, they avoid discussing marriage in front of Su Xiao, and every day they come home from work, waiting for Su Xiao with a hot meal.
Figure | The leaders also broke their hearts for the blind date
It is not only the parents and friends who worry about the choice of spouses for young women in the system, but also government departments.
In June 2020, Su Xiao was transferred to the Personnel Section of the Public Security Bureau, and just happened when the county government held a blind date party for unmarried men and women in the system, and the Personnel Section was responsible for organizing personnel to register, and the leaders encouraged her to participate.
But she didn't want to go, because on the county public security bureau's registration list, 26 of the 30 places were boys, and most of them were born from 1995 to 1998, and Su Xiao was more than seven or eight years older than them, which was not suitable.
The leader spoke: "How can the comrades of the Personnel Section not take the lead?" Perhaps, the outer unit has a suitable one. ”
Su Xiao had no choice but to register himself.
At the blind date scene, a row of men standing opposite, there were actually two of her former blind dates, and the other party also quickly found her, and the moment her eyes were intertwined, it was extremely embarrassing.
At the blind date, Su Xiao was added to WeChat by five or six boys, and a boy chatted with her many times to further develop.
Su Xiao, who was born in 1988, asked the other party's age, "1998", she immediately replied "We are not suitable", the other party felt inexplicable, and sent three question marks in a row.
Not a peach blossom
In the evening without dance lessons, Su Xiao danced with the video at home, jumped to the hot sweat, and sometimes led the dog to the outdoors, and in the 5 years of walking the dog outside, she also bumped into a bit crazy "peach blossom".
It was the summer of 2019, Su Xiao was walking his dog in the square, and a boy of about the same age came to talk, and the two talked from work to college.
The other party is also in the system, and Su Xiao is still an alumnus, looking at him like a bad person, not to mention that he is still a policeman, he has no defenses, let him follow himself for a walk.
The other party praised her: "You are very temperamental, very good people, do you want to fall in love with me." ”
"Huh?" Knowing each other for less than 10 minutes, so quickly launched the pursuit, which shocked Su Xiao.
What made her even more unexpected was that the other party took out her ID card, showed Her personal information to Su Xiao, and said very seriously: "I want to find someone to fall in love with, the kind that will get married within three months." ”
Su Xiao was frightened on the spot, and she very clearly refused: "No, we don't know each other, and I am not in a hurry to get married, marriage is a major event in life, how can it be so casual." ”
After saying that, Su Xiao turned around and walked in the opposite direction, the man was not dead hearted, and followed all the way, Su Xiao couldn't bear it, "It's almost over, I have to go back." ”
"Let me add you WeChat." The man chased.
"I didn't bring my phone." Su Xiao answered.
He thought the other party would give up, but his eyes were fixed on Su Xiao's pants.
Thinking that there was something on his pants, Su Xiao looked down to find that there was a clear bulge in the pocket, and he could see at a glance that it was a mobile phone in his pocket.
The scene was so awkward that she had to pull out her phone and agree to add it.
After that day, Su Xiao did not dare to go out to walk his dog for a week.
The other party frequently sent her messages, and in the face of such strange and somewhat crazy strangers, Su Xiao said that she did not dare to ignore it, afraid that he would do something extreme.
The other party showdown, he is a foreigner, has a car, no house, let Su Xiao consider the matter of love and marriage.
Su Xiao could only resist this man on the pretext that her parents were "particularly opposed", and after about a week, the other party stopped harassing her.
By chance, Su Xiao talked to Ye Lan about this person, and Ye Lan actually kissed this man, and later found that he almost met the local single girl.
The boys are a bit crazy, showing that the boys in the county are in a relatively advantageous position in their living environment.
They will meet multiple girls at the same time and have more initiative and choice.
Figure | Even if you are confused, you still have a desire for marriage
On 39 blind dates, Su Xiao encountered more than one strange blind date.
Also in 2019, on the eve of the National Day, Su Xiao clicked on a WeChat voice, the man's voice, a bit of a petite, "Mom, you heard Ha, I made an appointment and refused to go." ”
After listening to this voice, Su Xiao was confused.
The other party is her blind date, in her early 30s, a civil servant in this county, and they have known each other for less than half a month after being introduced by colleagues, and they have not yet met.
Before receiving this news, Su Xiao had just declined the man's invitation to travel.
The other party wants to ask her to travel with her during the National Day holiday, and it is with his whole family.
Su Xiao felt that after only a few words on WeChat, he directly carried out in-depth contact with the common outing, which was abrupt and unnatural, and he did not agree.
The sentence sent by the man, although the object of complaint is not himself, but it is obviously deliberately sent to himself, which makes Su Xiao disgusted, and he did not pay attention to the other party.
Unexpectedly, a day later, the man began to send her photos madly, some of which were photos of Su Xiao's circle of friends, some of which were photos of strange girls, and some of whom were photos of men themselves, which made Su Xiao very mad.
Su Xiao, who originally liked to share life photos, immediately set the circle of friends to be visible for three days.
Since then, she has rarely sent a circle of friends, let alone a selfie.
Compared with Su Xiao's competition, her girlfriend Ye Lan is more cautious in the county blind date bureau, and every time she goes on a blind date, she will confess to the other party that she has been divorced for 7 years.
In 2018, a colleague introduced her to a man, also within the system, 10 years older than her, divorced, and a 10-year-old daughter.
"Colleagues think that we are quite suitable, and they told each other about my situation, but people disagree, thinking that they can find an unmarried woman after 90."
In Professor Ouyang Jing's interviewees, men in the county system became "fragrant food", and a 28-year-old male teacher in a rural primary school was troubled by not knowing which girl to choose as his girlfriend:
"A female colleague often plays with me, helping me substitute lessons, cooking, and delivering fruits; a female cadre in the township often asks me to take a walk; and there are female nurses in the township health center..."
In order to relieve the loneliness, Su Xiao bought two large ragdolls, a big gray dog and a big white goose, both more than a meter long, occupying half of her bed.
Now Su Xiao still thinks about lifelong events, still looks forward to love, and wants to get married, and friends say that she has not been besieged by the grave of marriage, or a little naïve.
On January 10, the second Chinese Police Day, the unit held a celebration, Su Xiao was the etiquette of the event site, between the activities, Su Xiao and colleagues chatted: "Remember that blind date Mr. Yang?" ”
Su Xiao opened Mr. Yang's circle of friends: "Since the last refusal, we have not contacted again, you see, he has found the object." ”
Su Xiao's face flashed a hint of trepidation, but she quickly packed up her emotions and she was about to take the stage.
On the stage, dressed in a police uniform, she was heroic and cool, and her eyes were full of brilliance.
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