I have read a sentence: "Parents love their children with all their hearts, but children are insatiably devouring their parents." ”
It's very heartfelt, but it's the truth.
A child who does too much for him, but wants to rely on his parents for everything;
Selfless giving, but getting children who do not know how to be grateful and respect their parents.
Satya, a family therapist, once said, "The child is never wrong, and if it is wrong, it must be the fault of the parents." ”
Every child is born with deep love and respect for their parents.
And when children don't respect their parents, they should reflect on what is wrong with their parenting style.
Shakespeare once wrote, "The ungrateful child eats more pain than the sharp teeth of a serpent." ”
The sheep have the grace to kneel, and the crow has the righteousness to feed back.
The greatest sorrow of parenthood is to raise children who do not know how to be grateful.
I've seen a video like this.
A couple in Dalian, the business failed.
But in order for his son to continue to study at an international school and study abroad in the future, he plans to sell his property.
In this way, I want to encourage the child to work hard, but the child does not pay attention to this.
As always, I live in school and don't put my mind on learning.
When I came home, no matter what the situation at home was, I opened my mouth and asked my mother for three thousand yuan.
Mom said helplessly: "Our house is planned to be sold, there is no money for you at present, and now we are ready to rent a house." ”
After his son was rejected, he angrily wanted to beat someone.
He also said with a straight face:
"You said you were going to raise me, and after the whole show, I owe you something, so what did you do when you gave birth to me, and you played me like a dog!"
Then, kick down the stool and slam the door.
The mother was afraid that her son would do something out of the ordinary, so she compromised.
Went to the jewelry store to mortgage his necklace and ring for 2600 yuan and gave it to his son.
Looking angry and helpless.
Why do children treat their parents this way?
In the book Positive Discipline, it is said:
Parents do too much, depriving children of the opportunity to exercise their abilities, but also let children learn to expect parents to serve them. Over time, it is "deserved" to enjoy the service of parents.
Once the parents no longer meet the needs of the child, the original love gradually turns into hate, and seeks revenge with some kind of hurtful behavior, so as to obtain the parents' payment.
It turns out that the spoiling of parents, seemingly caring, is actually a kind of harm.
Parents are their children's first teachers and should think deeply about their children.
And parents should teach their children the most long-term skills: to learn to be grateful and respect their parents.
Like the saying: "Raising a child is like flying a kite, both to fly high and to keep it in line." ”
As a parent, you should give your children more love, but also let your children know what to do and what not to do.
In the movie "All Coming", there is such a clip:
The little boy and his mother eat at a hot pot restaurant.
As soon as the waiter arrived, the little boy began to order and loudly announced the names of the dishes: hairy belly, duck intestines, consumed fish...
While reporting the newspaper, he asked the waiter: "Do you remember it?" ”
After the waiter finished writing it down, he said mischievously: "Don't! ”
The waiter was very angry, but the mother on the side did not stop it, and said to the waiter: "The child is still young, don't worry about the child." ”
Parents protect bad behavior, and children will do whatever they want;
If this behavior is explicitly prohibited, the child will know how to put it away.
The rules set by the parents affect the behavior of the child throughout life.
I've seen a story online.
On the high-speed train, there was a five- or six-year-old boy who sat on the seat and moved around, always kicking the backrest of the passenger in front.
Mom warned many times, but after a moment of silence, the little boy began to be naughty again and shouted.
The little boy's behavior also aroused the disgust of the passengers in front of him.
The mother then pulled the boy to the open space at the carriage and said sternly, "Don't be so naughty anymore, you have already affected the people around you." ”
And asked to be at this penalty station for ten minutes.
The little boy did not want to cooperate, so he cried loudly, seeing that his mother did not respond; he began to coddle again, but his mother was still unmoved.
After the punishment, the mother gave him a hug and told him that the mother still liked the baby, but the behavior just now was not right.
And took him to apologize to the passengers in front of him and then returned to his seat.
After that, the boy was obedient in his seat and did not make any more noise.
How parents teach, children are like.
As the saying goes, "No rules, no squares." ”
And unruly, there is no adult.
True love is love with rules, which allows children to understand the boundaries and bottom lines of behavior and take responsibility for their own actions.
If children follow the rules, they have shortcuts on the road to growth.
In fact, having love and rules is the best family style in a home.
People's Daily once said: "Educating their children well is the most important cause for parents." ”
Every parent should spend energy learning how to get along with their children:
1. Learn: "Be kind and firm";
When your child shows disrespect for you, talks back to you or argues with you, you can walk away first, wait for him to calm down, and then talk to the child.
As shared in Positive Discipline:
"Baby, I'm sorry you're so angry. I respect your feelings, but I don't accept what you just did.
In the future, when you don't respect me, I'll walk away for a while.
I love you and want to be with you, and when you feel you can respect me, I will work with you to deal with the problems you have. ”
Parents should firmly tell their children how to get along with themselves.
2, learn to let go;
In the cartoon "Sandpiper", there is a detail that is very touching.
The baby sandpiper grows up slowly, and the mother wants it to forage for food on its own.
But it has not been found for a long time, and it has been hit the beach by the relentless waves.
It flirted with her mother, hoping that her mother would feed it, but her mother ruthlessly refused.
There was no way, he had to forage again.
This time, when the waves hit again, it learned to live like a hermit crab, hiding in the sand to avoid being swept away by the waves.
At this time, it found that a lot of food was hidden under the sea sand, and it also learned to forage.
I like this sentence very much: "Letting go is the deepest love of parents for their children." ”
Parents know how to give selflessly, and they should also know how to quit in real time.
3. Learn to win children's cooperation;
Psychologist Xu Tiansheng once said:
All "problems" are rooted in the fact that parents replace respect with control, command instead of inspiration, doubt instead of trust, so that children's lives can not find a way out, can not find love. ”
If you want to win the respect of your children, you actually need parents to respect your children.
If you want to cooperate with your child, you can hold regular family meetings to let your child participate in making rules, mobilize your child's initiative, and parents can check it together.
Create a friendly and equal family atmosphere for children, and children are willing to respect others and take the initiative to take responsibility.
Too late, parent-child relationship to get along with a degree: love children but can not coddle, spoil children but not without rules.
As Zeng Shiqiang said: "The best education is not to make a child a genius, but to let him have parents in his heart." ”
Children know how to respect their parents, in fact, they also have the ability to take the initiative to love.
The child appreciates what his parents have done for him, and will cherish everything he has in the moment.
A psychologist once said: "A person's relationship with his parents is a reflection of his relationship with the world." ”
In fact, when the relationship between the child and the parent is handled well, the child has the ability to get along with the world.
May parents in the world know how to raise their children, and children know how to be grateful and respect their parents.
The author | Jiang Xiaoyu, public number: Man Ma Ji.
The anchor | Zi Mo, WeChat public number: Zi Mo tells stories.
Pictures | Visual China