How terrible is it to scold children? Look at ways to discipline your child head-on

Do you have to rely on scolding to educate your children? Of course not.

Use the right method, you can raise a good child without yelling or screaming.

◆◆ ◆

Lu Xun said: In China's middle-class families, there are probably only two ways to teach their children.

First, it is to let it go, it does not matter at all, it is inherent to scold people, it is not necessary to beat people, inside or in front of the door is a tyrant, is a tyrant, is a bully, but outside, like a spider that has lost its web, it is immediately powerless.

The second is to give him a cold reception or reprimand all day long, so that he is afraid and withdrawn, like a slave, a puppet, but his parents call him "obedient", thinking that he is the success of education, and when he is released outside, he will never fly and jump like a bird that has temporarily left the cage.

01

Some time ago, I received a call from a high school classmate who said that she was on a business trip in my city and wanted to see me, and I said yes.

This classmate had been at the same table with me in high school for a year, and I was under the impression that she walked with her head bowed and didn't talk much.

I heard from my classmates that because of her poor grades, she was often beaten by her mother.

Once the results were not good, her mother rushed to school, took a wooden stick, the head is a stick, fortunately, her mother was quickly pulled by several teachers, which saved the pain of skin and flesh.

For so many years, occasionally in the group of classmates, I vaguely understood her state, and when I saw her again, it seemed to be much older.

She said that she was divorced, because she was not confident, always worried that her husband would get into trouble, and quarrels were commonplace; her daughter was not obedient, and she did not obey and beat her children, because her education from an early age told her that this was the most effective way to discipline her children.

In the end, the husband said that he could not bear it, filed for divorce, and the daughter also returned to the man.

Once she was also a naïve and lovely child, because she grew up living under the "scolding" education of her parents, she eventually became the person she hated the most, and applied this stupid way of education to the next generation of children.

She is both a victim of "beating" and a transmitter of "scolding".

As the saying goes, "Filial piety comes out of a stick", is this really the case?

However, research shows that hitting a child is one of the stupidest and most incompetent behaviors.

02

So why do parents still enjoy scolding their children?

1. Studies have shown that children aged 2-6 are scolded because they are mischievous.

The child pours the washing powder into the fish tank;

Wash the towel in the toilet;

Take the hot water from the cup to water the flowers;

Wear nice shoes to step on the mud pit;

Threw the phone into the water...

Such things, I believe many parents have experienced, these "crimes" of children are simply "difficult to read", but children are really innocent.

Because this stage is the stage when they begin to explore, they often do something that parents feel is "wrong", in the hearts of children, there is no mistake or right, he just wants to try it himself.

In fact, this kind of attempt is conducive to the child's hands-on ability and exploration ability, and parents must not blame the child too much.

After the age of 2 or 6, he was scolded because he did not study well.

Many parents around them, after their children went to primary school, began to sigh, never did it before, and now they don't fight for a day, they go to the house to uncover the tiles.

The popular passage on the Internet: "Do not do homework, motherly and filial piety; when doing homework, the chicken flies and the dog jumps."

It can be seen that parents are very sensitive to their children's learning. Learning is a gradual process, and it is impossible to rush and even more difficult to beat.

"Fairy tale king" Zheng Yuanjie, he wrote so many vivid roles, accompanied the growth of a generation of children.

But when he was a student, he was not an "obedient" child, and was expelled by his teacher. Later, his father Zheng Hongsheng taught him at home.

The famous host Meng Fei, in the school meeting, the math score was a mess, is the class famous "trick-or-treating king".

But they are the winners of life.

Therefore, parents should understand that learning is to make children better, but it is not the only yardstick.

Moreover, correct and patient guidance is far more effective than scolding.

Take 10,000 steps back and say that if your child's grades are not good, at most, he will not become a "person", but your scolding will make him not a "person".

3, the simplest reason to scold the child - the child is not obedient.

Many parents scold their children for the simple reason that they are disobedient.

In the eyes of parents, they feel that they eat more salt than their children eat, and the things they make are certainly reasonable and correct, but the children do not buy it.

It doesn't make sense, well, a beating, the child does not speak, acquiesced to the words of the parents, the world is quiet.

After four or five months, the child has his own ideology.

They will refuse to drink milk, cry when they are hungry, and as they grow older, their sense of "self" will become stronger and stronger, and they will have their own set of theories, reasons and styles of doing things, which is what parents call it, and the older they get, the more difficult it is to manage.

Writer Gibran said:

"Your children are not your children. They are the children born of life's desire for itself.

They come into this world through you, but they do not come because of you, they are by your side, but they do not belong to you. ”

Every child is an independent being, they have their own thoughts, and they have their own path to go, so parents can't kidnap them with their own thoughts.

03

The Chinese style of "beating and scolding" is the lowest way of education. It is very lethal and has serious consequences.

1. Physical trauma.

Parents generally use their hands, will use the tools around them, shoes, rulers or whatever, will cause pain to the child's flesh and skin.

Once, in a conversation with a parent, he said that his son was often beaten, and he also advertised that boys had to "loosen their skin" from time to time, otherwise they did not know that the sky was high.

Looking at the child next to him who didn't say much, I really felt sad. This "loose skin" way is really not good.

2. Trauma in the heart.

Children's nervous system is very fragile, and rough scolding methods will make children highly nervous, afraid, unconfident, inferior and even cause psychological disorders.

Reverse psychology

Some children, after being scolded, are not obedient, but more and more "sharp", and like to oppose their parents in everything.

Why don't you listen to scolding, because this is a silent "way of resistance" for children, in this case, parents must pay attention to it, and many problem teenagers are caused by this.

Feelings of abandonment

In the process of beating and cursing children, some parents have no mouth, and will say some harsh words----- "don't want you" and "send you to the police"...

These threatening words are psychologically harmful to children and become timid.

Violent tendencies

Children who are often scolded will also choose the same way to treat the people around them. It is said that parents are the best teachers of children, and children's imitation power is very strong.

Generally, children who love to beat people must be beaten, and they know that in this way, they can make others submit, and they will go to beat people!

Hate psychology

Many parents will feel that their children are born and raised by themselves, and it does not matter how they scold.

Such a thinking is also wrong, after the child is three years old, the dependence on the parents begins to decrease, scolding will make the child emotionally estranged from the parents, and if it is serious, it will also produce hatred.

04

Scolding is really an undesirable way of education, and teaching children without scolding is the right solution!

We often say that educating children is about positive discipline.

Positive discipline is a method of disciplining a child that neither punishes nor pampers...

Only in a kind and firm atmosphere can children cultivate self-discipline, responsibility, cooperation and the ability to solve problems on their own, learn the social skills and life skills that will benefit them for life, and achieve good academic results...

How can positive discipline be used to enable children to acquire this ability?

Parents are advised to try the following points when encountering this situation:

1. Evacuate your emotions first

The child has made a mistake and you are very angry, you can temporarily change your attention, read a book for a while, or go out of the door and look at the scenery outside.

This method will generally soothe the parents' excitement at that time, let themselves calm down, and after facing the child's mistakes, they will not directly scold the child.

2. Give your child time to explain

There is never a reason for being wrong, and the child does anything for a reason.

Try to get them to say why they're doing this and understand what your child thinks, which will help discipline and change your child's bad habits and behaviors.

3. Respect your child

I think a lot of parents ignore that.

I always feel that children don't understand anything, and we need to point out the mysteries and tell them which is right and wrong, but we forget that children also have a little adult with a mind.

You think the moon is curved, but they drew a circle, because the moon last night was round today, so it was drawn as a circle.

Respecting the child's ideas, giving the child a space of his own, and letting them become a person with ideas in this space is beneficial to them in the future.

Starting today, let's put down that raised hand, face our children, bend down, keep a level with them, and ask them why they are doing this?

Instead, scolding and telling them they can't do that.

So, before scolding your child, be sure to think twice.

You choose to scold, that is, you choose to use the fastest and most violent method to make children stop making mistakes, which may ruin their lives!

Share, watch and like, at least I want to have one