Discipline positively and help your child be the best version of themselves

The family is extremely important for the cultivation of a person's personality, the family is full of concerns, the child is left with the habit of worrying; the family is full of poetry, and the child is marked with poetic traces. Good homeschooling has two particularly important indicators: dignity and freedom. So, respect the child's freedom of choice and don't deprive it of adult standards. Communication with the child is to return the right to speak to the child, always be able to tolerate him, and communicate warmly.

■ Yu Dan

At this year's Beijing Winter Olympics, Gu Ailing and Su Yiming, several ice and snow young generals, exuded strong self-confidence and firmness at a young age, and became the "children of other people's families" that people talked about. Some parents who hope to become a dragon and a daughter to become a phoenix, stimulated by their youth and excellence, look back at their children are not pleasing to the eye.

Dignity and freedom are necessities for growth

In fact, the child's growth is not only because of his own efforts, just like Gu Ailing's mother respects her third jump decision and encourages her to enjoy her own competition; Su Yiming's parents support him to leave the acting path and become a professional skier. Their healthy and cheerful personality is inseparable from the respect and encouragement of their families.

Good homeschooling has two particularly important indicators: dignity and freedom. In this lifetime, all efforts are made to enhance dignity and extend freedom. No matter how good the profession or how good the love, once dignity and freedom are violated, there will be conflicts and even new choices.

When my daughter was more than 5 months old, there were all kinds of toys piled up around, but there was only one thing she liked to play with - empty medicine bottles. The aunt with her always snatched the bottle from her little hand: "This is not fun, you still play with electric dolls!" But the daughter still pushed the electric doll aside, stubbornly grasped the medicine bottle, and obsessively twisted the cap. Later, I consulted with a child psychology expert, and he said that children aged 5-6 months began to learn the fine movements of their fingers, and twisting the bottle cap had great benefits for the development of small muscles, much better than playing with electric dolls. So, respect the child's freedom of choice and don't deprive it of adult standards.

Start by listening and cross communication barriers

Sometimes to see the child will indeed be on fire, and reluctant to hit the child, parents are angry to pat the table, really "look at the Wu hook, the railing shoot all over, no one will, climb the intention." In fact, wise parents should learn not to lose their temper, learn to communicate well with their children, and don't always put him in opposition to their own when they are distressed.

Why would a child refuse to communicate? Because he was full of resentment in his heart. "What you say is what I don't want to hear, you don't understand my ideas at all, you always use your set of things to educate me, what I say is wrong, I have to be criticized, so I refuse to listen, and I don't bother to tell you..." This is actually the idea of many children.

Communication, can not cross the past is the ditch, cross the past is the pass. The beginning of communication is not that we say it, but that we are really willing to listen. Therefore, parents should learn to start from listening, you can first chat with your children casually, such as asking their children what songs they have listened to recently, parents can tell him that I also want to listen, and understand why children love to listen.

When I went out with my children, she used to put wired headphones in her ear and one in my ear, and the cable was dangling, and we listened hand in arm. To be honest, I don't like the songs she listens to, but I feel like she's willing to give me this face, willing to give me headphones for me to listen to, that's communication, so I also have to show my acceptance and respect.

Parents want to show a certain interest in their children's world, even a certain compromise, we are also young, we all have their own rebellion, what does it matter? To believe that children will grow up, as long as the values are correct, the mentality is frank, and each other is willing to communicate, it is enough.

Communication with children is to return the right to speak to children. If the child's rebellious heart comes, you can tolerate him, not with your fists, but with your palms around him. The wrapping of the palm can both unload the aggression and prevent him from rampage forward. The important thing is that the child is not hurt, the fist is in the palm of the hand, and he can always be able to tolerate him and communicate warmly.

I grew up with my grandmother, and the old man was very willing to tell me stories and listen to me, so I always felt very safe and loving at home. When I get along with my children, I also hope to pass on these things and make her feel that home is a particularly safe place.

Limited choice, win-win negotiation method

Jane Nelson has a book called Positive Discipline, which mentions a way to communicate with children —limited choices. It is that neither can the child indulge in unlimited choices, nor can it regulate everything in his big package. "One of the biggest mistakes adults make is asking their children rather than giving them options. When children don't respond to requests, they often respond to choices, especially when you give a choice and add the phrase 'you decide'. ”

I have used this method since the child was very young, she was in the first grade of primary school, there are many extracurricular classes in the school, she said to me: "Mom, we can apply for extracurricular classes for 5 days, I want to apply for 5 days!" At this time, I consulted with her: "5 days a week to go to school, can you stay for a day, if our family has any outing activities, can we take you out to eat, watch movies, can you go to 4 days a week interest class not 5 days?" The child readily agreed.

At the same time, I also made my own request. "Mom wants to have two movements and two movements in the 4 after-school classes, and make sure that she can stick to it." As for what exactly I don't limit. "This not only respects the child's interests and hobbies, but also realizes my guidance and expectations for her."

Nowadays, people are more and more like standard products on the assembly line, and they are more and more losing the brand that belongs to everyone. The English word for "brand" is "brand", which also means "brand". Enterprises must have brands, and people must also have brands. People like Gu Ailing and Su Yiming, and also appreciate the unique and vivid vitality of them. Into society, what kind of personal imprint do we want our children to use to fight against the overly standardized "assembly line"?

The family is extremely important for the cultivation of a person's personality, the family is full of concerns, the child is left with the habit of worrying; the family is full of poetry, and the child is marked with poetic traces.

Source: China Women's Daily