I don't know if it is the reason why I am about to run three, more and more people around me have embarked on the road of blind dates.
Even the girlfriend Swallow, who had previously said that she wanted to carry out singleness to the end, began to actively participate in the blind date arranged by the family.
No, last month she met a boy, stable work, lively personality, tall and handsome, completely in line with her ideal type.
However, although the two talked hotly, Swallow felt that she had never entered the boy's heart.
Because their conversation has always stayed on the surface of communication, either sharing three meals a day, or sharing some of the favorite news at work.
Whenever she wants to extend the topic to emotions and want to understand his past, boys will always deliberately avoid and change the topic.
She asked the reason tactfully, and the boy said that because he was interested in my girlfriend, he didn't want to mention it again in the past, so as not to let my girlfriend mind.
A statement actually left her speechless, not a couple relationship, and there is no in-depth identity, too real and afraid to let the relationship between the two abruptly stop, she can only complain to me many times.
I was amazed at her perverseity of caution and attention to a person, and also stimulated curiosity about boys' thoughts.
So I asked some of my friends of the opposite sex around me, and their reasons for not sharing their hearts with women are nothing more than the following reasons.
1
Shallow doesn't have to be deep
In the case of my girlfriend, there are two possibilities.
The first is what the boy said, that is, he really wanted to develop with my girlfriend, so he didn't want to mention his love history.
Because girls still mind this kind of thing about love history, the man said no, and she didn't believe it.
Say yes, no matter how much or how little, naturally you will want to know more.
Especially the reason why the last relationship ended, every girl wants to know.
And the reason for the breakup, no matter whose problem it is, boys are generally reluctant to mention it again.
And some men have more love histories, really all out of the way and afraid of girls mind.
After all, when it comes to the step of blind date, both men and women want to find reliable and take care of the family, and only some naïve little boys will proudly show off their history.
Another possibility is also more common, that is, when bored, the chat partner, there is no need to be distracted.
I have no intention of developing with you or wanting to make friends with you, so there is no need to let you know too many things.
In fact, not only boys, but also women, in the face of unfamiliar people, you can also talk.
But it is okay to talk about gossip and blow water, but it is not okay to talk about things, after all, no one wants their own little thing to be spread to the boiling.
Sharing this kind of thing, there is a saying that the wrong person to share happiness is a display, and it is sad to share the wrong person to become a pretense.
Therefore, the general intersection does not need to be deeply understood, so that when it is dispersed, there is no emotional entanglement, clean and neat.
2
The edification of heroic ideas
Men are such creatures, sometimes quite cute, and when they are old, they will be excited to see Ultraman.
It is precisely because I have watched anime with righteous characters since I was a child and have been influenced by the ideas of his heroic characters that men have some heroic ideas.
They also think that they are also heroes in the family, and no matter what suffering they encounter, they should be strong and indestructible, so they will not easily show their weak side.
Even if he encounters something unpleasant, something that is powerless, he will not say it easily.
Because he will feel very faceless, and he does not want to be sympathized with.
This reminds me of the role of the father in the family, and everyone must have felt that the father was the pillar of the family and the hero of the family when they were young.
No matter what happened, my father always stood in the way of his family and shielded them from the wind and rain.
His love is never easy to say, and so are the difficulties.
Knock out his teeth and swallow into his stomach, how strong, at least he will achieve his ideal manly appearance.
And every responsible man, once he becomes a family, basically has such a responsibility.
And this kind of responsibility makes them only strong and dare not cower.
This sense of responsibility is the source of our sense of security, because our ordinary lives do not have so many salvation heroes.
3
Doesn't want to worry you
It is often not good things that haunt the mind, and it is difficult to sleep and eat.
Unlike girls, who naturally love to share, they will also talk to the object when they encounter unhappy things, hoping to get a little comfort from each other.
Boys are not naturally good at expressing their emotions, and if they are their lovers, they do not want her to be affected by bad emotions.
I have a friend who has a more sentimental personality, and she will toss and turn at small things, and she can't sleep at night, but she often likes to break the sand pot and ask the end.
Once she gushed her happiness to her boyfriend, but her boyfriend was unusual, taciturn, and even the response was a "hmm" and "good" thing.
You can see that her boyfriend is unhappy and perfunctory, and she has taken the initiative to ask him several times, but how to ask her boyfriend is just to say that it is okay.
Later, I learned that it turned out that her boyfriend's father was uncomfortable that day and was in the hospital, not to say that he did not want her to follow blindly and destroy her happiness at that time.
Immersed in his own painful emotions, he instinctively closed his emotional communication channel, and naturally ignored the emotional communication needs of the other party.
But in fact, at this time, it is better to give him a quiet space, because he just loves you and doesn't want you to worry.
On this topic, I just saw a boy on a certain platform who said that his girlfriend was very simple and naïve, which was a typical silly white sweet in that kind of TV series.
Therefore, many of his negative energy things are not said to his girlfriend, because of his strong desire to protect, he does not want to destroy his girlfriend's beautiful expectations of this society.
Even though he has experienced countless social beatings and seen countless sinister hearts, he still wants to protect the beauty in the hearts of his loved ones.
I admit that I am really sour: it turns out that there are really people who are well protected, so they are so simple and ignorant of the world.
4
Habit internalization
Therefore, men are actually not unwilling to share their hearts with their other half, but prefer to put them in their hearts and slowly digest themselves.
They think they should take responsibility for everything, not just add to the troubles of those around them.
There was a passage on the Internet before that said that the most relaxed time for men is the time to sit in the car before coming home from work.
In fact, it was because they regarded that space as their own spiritual refuge, and when they encountered problems, he needed such a private space to repeatedly clarify his problems.
When he thinks clearly and solves it, maybe he will take the initiative to inform you.
And when a man enters self-digestion mode, his heart will automatically cut off contact with the outside world.
This is a common cause of conflicts between men and women.
Men can't understand the multiple roles of women, and women actually do the same.
Everyone is stressed, women's venting is mostly catharsis, while men are more willing to self-digest.
Women feel that not communicating is to treat themselves as outsiders, and men feel that you can't solve his problems, and may even make the contradictions worse, it is better to bear it yourself.
In fact, at this time, not asking questions is the best solution.
I've always felt that there are many things that a person will naturally share when they are willing to share.
Unwilling to share is like a twisted melon, twisted and pinched, and still hated, then let him experience internalization and grow.
Seriously, compared to the personality of the whirring, I also feel that no matter how turbulent a man's heart is, he can hold his breath to become a big thing.
Of course, talking so much is not to make excuses for men, after all, the above reasons are based on whether the two are intentional to develop or are already partners.
He will think from your point of view and assume the responsibilities that he should assume.
Also, while I don't think every couple has to be honest and honest, there's no secret at all, but I still want to communicate more about something with each other.
Maybe she can't help much, but she can give you comfort, comfort itself is comfort, no need to label it as utilitarian.
If you completely hide your heart, you may be self-defeating, and finally push the other party farther and farther away.
As for the men who are not at all called objects and do not want to develop with you, do not share with you, his ideas are probably the same as stated at the beginning:
Because you are not important and do not want to be responsible for you.
Their inner thoughts are: the past does not need to be explained to you, and the future does not need your participation.
END
Author | Ada Aquarius, an education practitioner who studies computers, loves to read books and movies, and studies the way of getting along with the sexes by the way, firmly believing that the luck of life is won by himself.