Get up in the morning especially hungry.
Good to knock on the door in time for takeaway and breakfast to be delivered on time.
After devouring two hot buns and drinking a cup of hot soy milk, the body and mind are quite happy.
Touching the round belly, thinking that the takeaway brother may still be hungry, did not eat breakfast, against the cold wind, to the customer to send a single.
And we are blowing the heat at home, moving our fingers can solve the problem, just to bridge this gap, what else do we have to complain about?
Thinking like this, happiness arises spontaneously.
So you see, happiness is as simple as that.
The book "Happiness Lab" says: People need to pursue happiness, but only happy life is painful.
If there is no pain, no contrast, even if you are put in a honeypot, you will not feel sweet.
Happiness is the same, it is a comparative level, is the psychological comfort after the end.
01 Love: Who you will marry is a comprehensive comparison of choices
The first large-scale psychology live-action experimental experience program in China, "Happiness Lab", recruited 20 single women and 20 single men to participate in the program.
They assigned singular to women and even numbers to men.
Everyone's numbers are printed on the hat they wear, and they don't know what they are, but they can see the numbers of others, but they can't tell each other the numbers.
40 men and women have to convince a person of the opposite sex to pair up with themselves in 15 minutes, and a group of people who successfully pair up can be rewarded.
The amount of the reward is the number on the hat of two people is added up and multiplied by ten, which means that everyone should try to choose the person with the large number.
After the experiment began, the lady number 39 and the number 40 man were very popular, and many people came to talk to them, trying to convince them to agree to pair with them.
The answer is simple.
Because when the conditions are set (the number of people is fixed, the maximum is 40), their strength is the strongest.
According to the rules of the game, the reward for pairing with these two people is high.
This experiment is actually a realistic version of blind date
Sometimes, although we are not very clear about our "few pounds and a few pairs", it still does not prevent us from finding someone who is better than ourselves.
Therefore, in the blind date field, we are always comparing the strength of the blind date.
For example, for many women, men with an annual salary of less than 300,000, those who are less than 180 in height, and those who have no house and no car are easily eliminated.
Those who can meet these conditions will consider further developing feelings.
For example, in experiments, those who wear single digits on their heads are almost unattended.
They only have to go to the people with the large numbers on the field to ask for a pairing.
If other factors are not taken into account, this part of the experiment can prove that the process of people choosing a marriage partner is a process of screening and comparison.
The final marriage partner must be the person who feels the greatest sense of acquisition after comparison.
02 Cinderella with prince? Basically, it can only appear in fairy tales
In the program, the No. 39 woman guessed that her number must not be small, at least above 35 through the measures of the crowd.
So, when she saw the men on the 2nd and 4th desperately recommending themselves and hoping to match, she resolutely refused and resolutely did not consider it.
The reason is simple.
The point difference is too large.
We all know that in fairy tales, a prince will marry Cinderella, but in the real world, it is more a prince with a princess and Cinderella with a commoner.
In a relationship, the equality of strength between the two sides is an indisputable truth.
Like the no. 2 man, after being ruthlessly rejected by no. 39, he went to find the no. 23 woman, and attacked with various love words, trying to impress the heart of no. 23.
Unexpectedly, the no. 23 woman looked cold and turned to leave.
The reason behind this is very heartfelt, when you are the weakest, you are the least popular.
At the end of the show, the No. 4 man and the No. 1 woman, the No. 40 man and the No. 35 woman, the No. 24 man and the No. 23 woman, were successfully paired, and the results were verified again, and the marriage in reality, who can enter the marriage hall, is ultimately two equal opponents.
After reading more fairy tales, we always think that the prince will marry Cinderella without hesitation, and the princess will resolutely marry ordinary people, but we don't know that these are really just fairy tales.
We need to understand that when two people are similar in strength, this small gap is harmless little fun.
When the two are different from the clouds and mud, this gap is a chasm, which is really difficult to cross.
With this understanding, perhaps we will be more sober and frank in the face of feelings.
Try to choose those who match all aspects of themselves (including material conditions, spiritual world, hobbies, etc.), so that they are most likely to enter marriage, and marriage will be relatively stable and happy.
The so-called door-to-door pair is the truth.
03 Derailment is a barrier that the road cannot cross? Human nature dictates
On the scene of the "Happiness Lab" program, there was such a scene.
People who have been paired well have been torn apart by others.
Woman No. 33 is the person who snatched love with a horizontal knife.
At the end of the half, she was still single, and she had a sudden idea whether to go to the paired area to see if there was the right person.
She targeted male Number 36, and after some communication, she managed to snatch Number 36 from Woman No. 27.
Why did No. 36 abandon No. 27's "derailment"?
Psychologist Professor Peng Kaiping explained: "Human marriage is very delicate, when we produce dopamine under the stimulation effect, we need to constantly strengthen the intensity of stimulation to maintain the same level of dopamine. It's hard. So, in intimate relationships, passion can easily fade. ”
In other words, humans need dopamine, but it needs the thrill of constant iterative escalation to generate.
Although the no. 36 man agreed to match with the 27th woman, after the pairing was successful, the two did not have deep communication, that is, no new dopamine was produced.
At this time, when the 33rd woman appeared, the 36th man knew that a better choice appeared. (Number 33 is greater than number 27)
He should have kept his promise and made it to the end with No. 27, but the lack of positive interaction between the two led to an unstable relationship.
Coupled with the constant lobbying of the 33rd woman to show her charm, so that the 36th man has re-produced dopamine, so he gave up the 27th woman and chose the 33rd.
It's a choice that makes him feel happy (at least happier than choosing the 27th).
In real life, those old husbands and wives, left-handed and right-handed marriages, if there is no strong moral constraint, there is no long-term established basis for interaction, and the probability of one of them betraying is quite large.
Don't be surprised, it's human nature.
In this regard, Wang Yong, deputy director of the Institute of Economics of Tsinghua University, said: "Marriage and love is a benign interactive relationship, and you need to take the initiative to interact with each other and actively strive for it." ”
04 Find a object really don't be too picky, otherwise you won't be able to pick it
The 39th woman we mentioned earlier rejected the domineering 40th man, went around, and finally paired with the 18th man.
She could have chosen number 36 or number 38, but the other party had already been snatched away.
She couldn't help but sigh: "Life may be like this." ”
You're still picking vegetables at the wet market, and the vendors have already closed their stalls.
If it is not the 18th male bold hero, after asking her "is it okay", directly pull up The 39th's hand and forcibly pair it successfully, and the 39th is very likely to have no one to match at the end of the show.
There is a theory in economics including mathematical operations research called the "optimal stop theory."
When we search, at what moment, at which person should stop searching, there is a scientific emphasis.
A large number of mathematical experiments prove that counting from front to back should stop when you count to 37%.
Suppose you plan to search for 100 targets, but when you find the 37th target, you have to stop searching and make a choice.
At this time, the optimal balance between the search cost and the benefit can be reached.
It's like shopping for clothes, there are more than 20 stores on a street, and when you almost visit the seventh and eighth, you can get started.
At this time, it is easiest for you to buy the clothes you want, and the price is also moderate.
When dating and falling in love, let's say you want to meet a total of 10 people, and almost at the third and fourth people, you have to stop searching and lock in the target.
If you are not willing, continue to search, the final result is that you are physically and mentally exhausted, and you can't pick a good candidate.
05 Conclusion
The "Happiness Lab" program team truly restored the content of the live broadcast to the book of the same name: Love is the problem, love is the answer.
Through a classic psychological experiment, interpret the codes of happiness in love marriage.
What exactly is happiness?
When we talk about happiness, we are actually talking about unhappiness.
Happiness and unhappiness seem to follow.
Only by seeing unhappiness and having a contrast can you perceive happiness.
These are the comparative grades of happiness.
Of course, the comparison should be moderate, and the best stop theory should be followed, almost on the line.
Constantly comparing, comparing everything in detail, will only bury your happiness.
The book "Happiness Lab" tells us that happiness is diverse, there is no absolute ideal marriage and family in the world, only marriage and family that have the ability to repair when they encounter problems and setbacks.
When two people are together, better off than when they were single, that's happiness.
I hope that everyone can find their own happiness.
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Wen/Fish White, pay attention to me, take you to read good books every week
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