When the male eldest marries the female eldest when the marriage is approaching the Spring Festival, have you been urged to marry by your family?
Parents and elders paid attention to the exception of "hurrying"
The mental health of their children should be more attentive to this no, an excellent young man in Hangzhou
Blind dates have failed dozens of times
Only to be found to have mental illness...
Handsome guys who are excellent in all aspects have failed dozens of blind dates and "heterophobia" is at work
"Are you sure it's an engineer who has been working for five or six years, is it really shy, shy, or has a problem with iq?" Hangzhou's 31-year-old Xiao zhong (pseudonym) has been blind dated dozens of times in the past 3 years, but after each meeting, he basically disappeared.
It turned out that as soon as he met the girl, he was nervous, flustered, blushing, sweating, rarely talking, and there was really no way but to look at the sky or the distance. When girls whisk their sleeves away, they often have a look of contempt and a series of questions.
Su Heng, director of the Clinical Psychology Department of Zhejiang Provincial People's Hospital, said that people now have some understanding of "social phobia", but there is a more special situation in "social phobia", called "heterosexual phobia". Xiao Zhong is one of the patients.
Xiao Zhong is 1.8 meters tall, looks quite handsome, and has achieved good results since childhood. Parents have high expectations of him, high school, college, parents repeatedly reminded to study seriously, do not be distracted; graduate school graduates, he entered a favorite unit in Hangzhou, parents think it is best to put their minds on work first, men, should first establish a career and then consider marriage, so that Xiao Zhong from childhood to Daoda almost no contact with girls of the same age.
Finally "survived" to the age of 28, parents thought they could talk about friends, but at this time, the difference in their son's "ability" in this regard made them stunned.
"3 years, what a good condition, actually rejected by the woman?!" Xiao Zhong is interested in girls, and is very excited every time he goes on a blind date, and he has also made appropriate preparations in terms of dress and other aspects. But every time he saw a girl, he was dizzy, he couldn't say anything, his eyes never dared to look directly at each other, because of the girl's presence, he would mess up everything he was doing.
At first, the family thought that he was just shy, and the "world" was rarely seen, but after several practices, they found that he was not just shy, but afraid.
As soon as I come into contact with the opposite sex, I am "afraid" and have not yet been in love
"When the opposite sex looks at me talking, it feels as if I have been made to the Law, I can't speak, and I don't dare to lift my head", Xiao Zhong was also helpless. Recalling many blind dates in the past, Xiao Zhong said that each time he was looking forward to it, and it seemed like a torture. Xiao Zhong had to ask his mother to "escort", a practice that disgusted the girl and her family, prompting the early end of one blind date after another.
As he grew older, his parents urged him to go on a blind date and fall in love and get married earlier, but the result was counterproductive. Not only does he have no object now, so far, he hasn't even talked about a real relationship. Su Heng said that parents also felt that their son was wrong and urged Xiao Zhong to come to the hospital.
After coming to the hospital, Xiao Zhong was calm, because the doctor understood him very well, and also knew that the main reason for his repeated defeats in blind dates was actually a psychological problem that could be solved, and he had always thought that he was a personality problem and a strange person.
Corey came to the male colleague, and she sat in a needle felt very nervous, and did not dare to look at him
The same is true of The Hangzhou girl Xiao Mu (pseudonym), who was forcibly pulled by her parents.
26-year-old Mu Qingxiu Wenjing, a very well-off family, and a good job. But she hasn't had a boyfriend yet and has never had one. Xiao Mu also wants a beautiful love of his own in his heart, but he does not dare to face the opposite sex. She avoids speaking to men other than her father; she barely interacts with her colleagues of the opposite sex in the workplace; and even when she buys things, she tries to pick out the same gender clerks to communicate and pay.
The trigger for this visit to the hospital was Corey's male colleague.
"The heart yearns but is afraid of contact, as if what you do will be ugly, this kind of pain is difficult for ordinary people to understand." 」 Xiao Mu said with a tight frown. Occasionally, because of the need to contact this male colleague because of work, she seemed to have done something wrong, very nervous, and did not dare to look at him.
The other party was also confused, not knowing what had offended Xiao Mu, cold as frost, and did not even look at the right eye. Over time, others thought she had a strange temper and slowly alienated her.
Recognizing the severity of "heterosexual phobia" can lead to many physiological manifestations
Director Su Heng introduced that heterosexual phobia refers to the patient's strong desire to be close to the opposite sex in the subconscious on the one hand, and on the other hand, he also has a serious anxiety, so he shows symptoms of abnormal tension and fear in front of the opposite sex, and some even have psychological symptoms such as heterosexual relationship delusions.
"Heterosexual phobia" is not a big problem in the eyes of many people, but the person concerned is very troubled, even painful, because it seriously affects a person's normal life, especially love and marriage life. Its main manifestation is to avoid most of the opposite sex interactions and is unwilling to deal with the opposite sex.
In this case, there will be many physiological manifestations, such as the body, especially the limbs, trembling, blushing, not making a sound, sweating, dizziness, etc. Some people generally do not make a diagnosis if they only have this manifestation for a certain period of time. Diagnosis is made only if this is the case most of the time, and lasts long enough, and severely affects social functions such as life and work.
The family environment is an important place for a person's character development. Director Su Heng believes that the main reason for "heterosexual phobia" lies in the ideas about sex and love that they have been indoctrinated since childhood.
They usually think that "sex is a dirty, invisible thing", "early love is very bad", etc., but this is in direct contradiction with their inner desire for love.
Over time, they will try to avoid contact with the opposite sex. Another part of the reason is that I am very concerned about the evaluation of the opposite sex by my heart, and when I think of the possible judgments and negative evaluations of others, I will try my best to avoid it. And this excessive care is fundamentally due to the lack of self-confidence in the heart - the fear of exposing one's weaknesses and messing things up.
Director Su Heng said that after the diagnosis of "heterosexual phobia" is clear, the treatment method varies from person to person, and although the drug can alleviate the anxiety of patients, it is not helpful for their inner growth. We suggest that these groups of people can undergo systematic psychotherapy to enhance their overall perception of themselves and overcome previously formed negative perceptions of themselves.
"As a doctor, I hope that everyone will understand and tolerate Xiao Zhong and Xiao Mu, so that they can get out of the haze as soon as possible in peace, and start a new and different healthy life of their own." Director Su Heng said.
"Alien Fear" Self-Test! The following 2 or more conform to the need to pay attention to!
Interacting with the opposite sex will be very tense, such as the following more than 2 in line, it may be "heterophobic", you should pay attention to.
1. Interacting with the opposite sex will be very tense, when the opposite sex takes the initiative to communicate with you, you will refuse to communicate because of the tension of covering up yourself;
2. As long as you interact with the opposite sex, you will not know where to put your hands, your eyes will not know where to look, and you will pay desperate attention to your own image;
3. When the opposite sex stares at you, you will be especially scared, and even "angry" because of it;
4. When living with the opposite sex, the brain forces itself to have certain strange thoughts, such as the other party likes himself, the other party hates you, and even the other party is not wearing clothes;
5. Often afraid of what the opposite sex will do to themselves, extremely insecure;
6. Even if the opposite sex does not associate with you but only exists around you, you will be overwhelmed and unable to concentrate;
7. Blushing, dry mouth, sweating, shaking;
8. Experienced harm from the opposite sex in love and marriage, resulting in distrust and lack of interest in the opposite sex.
(Hangzhou Daily reporter Ke Jing correspondent Song Lisheng)