Text | Zhang Hua
Recently,
The hit drama "Xiao Min Jia" has become a casual drama after people have drunk enough to eat.
The grounded lines in the play,
The performance of the life atmosphere,
Let netizens see the big breath,
One of the most talked about is the way two mothers get along with their children.
Two divorced families:
One advocates the supremacy of money, and the other thinks about children in everything.
The patterns of parents and children are very different,
Children's attitudes towards their parents are also very different.
The psychologist Adler said:
"A lot of times, people aim to be right, they just choose the wrong approach."
There is no doubt that parents love their children.
But often use the wrong way to achieve the goal,
This has caused more and more difficulties between parents and children,
There are even barriers that are difficult to bridge.
Relationships nourished only with money
Children can also go in the wrong direction
In "Little Min's House",
Li Ping, played by Qin Hailu, is a mother who loves her children.
But her parenting outlook is:
"There are no problems that can't be solved without money, including making my daughter obedient."
A few clips from the play,
Bring this to life.
In order to let her daughter Jiajia take the initiative to cooperate with the application of a visa to go abroad, Li Ping
Persuasion
In the end, she made her daughter compromise by agreeing to buy a bag.
Li Ping let Jiajia cooperate to go to a course that is difficult to book,
Bought a limited edition violent bear to seduce Jiajia,
And bluntly:
"If you go, it's yours; if you don't go, it's someone else's."
Seems to give the opportunity to choose,
But this is a deal full of interests,
Let the father standing next to him also frown.
The result, of course, is that Jiajia once again "lost the battle",
Go with your mother.
When Li Ping and her daughter have contradictions and disputes,
Li Ping's ex-husband Chen Zhuo said:
"You should look for reasons in yourself."
After hearing this, Li Ping immediately retorted:
"Am I not good enough for her?"
What she wanted I didn't buy for her.
A man who wants stars, I also have a moon.
How many people envy her for having a mom like me! ”
Teacher Li Meijin once said:
"Psychological support is more important than material support."
Parents and children without spiritual communication,
There is no in-depth communication,
It is impossible to enter the heart of the child,
The maintenance of parent-child relationships is also fragile.
And Li Ping's parenting style,
It also develops unhealthy values for children.
Jiajia's evaluation of her mother Li Ping is:
A practical egoist.
A mom with a cash machine function.
After learning that her mother was pregnant,
Her first reaction was not to be happy for her mother.
Instead, it feels like its interests are under threat.
When Li Ping suddenly treated Jia Jia well,
Jiajia subconsciously decided,
Mom was sure to get something from her.
If the parents and children are maintained,
Only money is piled up,
That kind of parent-child relationship,
It will be as fragile as a candle flame that may be extinguished at any time.
Even if all the signs are Li Ping's full love for her daughter,
merely
She did it the wrong way.
Only warmed Jiajia's skin,
Did not go deep into the heart,
And he pushed his daughter farther and farther away.
A psychologist once said:
"The child's appetite is fed;
The child's temper is brought out;
The concept of children is nagged by adults;
Children's values are established bit by bit. ”
Only material affection is like a piece of tofu,
Can't stand chewing,
Squeeze it hard and it sucks.
And the values of parents,
It is the first yardstick in the child's heart,
The words and deeds of parents,
It is the first navigation mark in the eyes of children.
Parents use the right force
Children will learn this tenderness
Also in "Little Min's House",
Liu Xiaomin, played by Zhou Xun,
Her parenting views:
Care and understand your child's feelings.
Because custody of the child has not been won,
Therefore, he and his son Junjun were separated.
But every time Junjun came to see her
She did not satisfy her son with substances,
Instead, he remembers his son's preferences with his heart.
When communicating with my son,
She is gentle and powerful.
In order not to embarrass the child,
When her ex-husband Jin Bo came to Beijing,
Liu Xiaomin took the initiative to let Jin Bo return to his home,
Even solved the accommodation problem for him,
After all, "this is the father of the child".
Although Junjun was separated from his mother since childhood,
But he grew up with a grandmother who also loved him.
Love can be copied,
A loving family,
Can warm up from generation to generation.
It is precisely because Junjun has always been in a loving family,
So he is also a child with a soft heart.
Gentle personality, know how to express,
After arguing with my mother, I will take the initiative to apologize.
When the indisputable father was chased for debts,
He decisively refused the offer to borrow money from his mother,
I'd rather work to earn money to help pay off debts,
I don't want to embarrass my mother.
He also knew,
Mother Liu Xiaomin is looking at her own face,
Agreed to eat with her ex-husband.
Therefore, he will take the initiative to show his heart and apologize to his mother.
It's like a psychologist said:
"A child's first example is his or her own parents,
Including the way we deal with emotions, relationships,
In fact, they all learned from their parents. ”
This softness and warmth of handsomeness,
In fact, I learned it through my mother's love and tolerance again and again.
Children are like a mirror for parents
The famous educator Sukhomlinsky said:
"At a certain moment, when you see the child, you see yourself;
You educate your children, that is, you educate yourself and test your personality.
When we are the right parents, the children are naturally right. ”
Children are like a mirror for parents,
Every word and deed of a parent is screened on the child.
And parents are often annoyed by that "self",
Even madness,
Children will feel aggrieved and uneasy.
So what can be done to maintain a good parent-child relationship?
1. Manage your emotions well and let your children understand the power of gentleness.
If a relationship is an account, then a stable emotional output is the best emotional coin.
Tencent Video made a parent-child interview video for the book "Answers".
One of the sessions involves parents asking their children a question.
A dad asked:
"What would you do if you could go back 5 days?"
The daughter draws an angry father with a paintbrush,
A smiling dad.
Timidly answering to the camera:
"I want to make my dad happy because he's always angry."
Dad couldn't help but wet his eyes after listening to it.
If it weren't for this interview,
Dad may not know,
His own anger hurts the child so much.
In fact, parents' emotions have a profound impact on children.
The child's irritability is roared out by the parents.
And the kindness of the child,
It is nourished by parents.
The gentleness of the child,
It was also taught by the gentleness of the parents.
2. Pay attention to your child's emotions, not just "booing and asking for warmth".
Do parents feel that
As the child grows up,
There are also more and more secrets between them and us.
Children can tell little secrets to playmates, classmates, and even teachers.
Alone do not tell parents.
Because the child thinks,
Parents and they are not in an equal relationship.
When the child has experienced a tiring day of study,
Back home, the words my parents said were basically:
How did you perform in school today?
Did the teacher praise you?
Are you done with your homework?
Is the punch card complete?
If parents care about whether their children are good or not,
And not the child's real emotions and needs,
How can such a relationship be nourished?
When the child comes home,
Give him a big hug.
When the child is silent,
Give him warm companionship and greetings.
I think kids,
Children will definitely regard the presence of their parents as a real warm harbor.
A small video of "Calling on Parents to Care for Their Children",
Impressive.
There's a merchant family,
The family conditions are very good,
Parents indulge in playing mahjong every day,
Ignore the child.
The child squatted helplessly in the corner,
Looking at the parents at the table,
He even doubted his own origins.
For these children,
The home is more unsafe,
Filled with disregard,
It's full of whining.
What child would like to return to such a home?
Unconditional love of parents,
is the child's dependence;
The warm care of parents,
It is the driving force of the child.
So
Don't let home be the sharpest weapon to hurt your child.
—— End ——
Author: Zhang Hua, a mother who loves to write. Some of the pictures are from the Internet, and the copyright belongs to the original author.