Wen \ Hua Kai, Jiang Zuo Meiniang
What is the marriage like for a middle-aged couple?
There has been a casual saying on the Internet that "holding your wife's hand is like holding your left hand and holding your right hand", which truly reveals the marriage status of many middle-aged couples.
But with such a marriage status, how many couples can be satisfied? So since we are not satisfied, we have to think about how to make this warm and dead marriage come alive?
Writer Yang Wei said:
"The most important thing in the union of a man and a woman is affection, the degree to which both parties understand each other."
The longer and happier the marriage, the more we need mutual understanding and support.
Women never forget to understand and support their men, and it is often difficult for men to understand and support women.
In fact, when husband and wife get along, men's attitude towards their wives is particularly important. The more a man understands and supports his wife, the more likely the marriage is to be sweet, and conversely, the more bland and boring it will be.
When a man gives his wife violence and anger, the only reward is resentment and heartbreak.
When a man gives his wife understanding and tolerance, the harvest will be love and sweetness.
Therefore, the truth of a happy marriage in middle age: most men have skills, and all of them are "strict wife management"; On the contrary, the men in the nest have no skills, and the family is a mess.
01The more "nest cross", the worse the marriage relationship
There are many cases of men "nesting horizontally" in the variety show "Love Defense War".
Tu Lei once pointed out sharply on the show:
"But anyone who is at home and is very polite to others is often a bully and fears the hard."
I feel the same way.
Perhaps, the people who "nest in the nest" do not realize that there is anything wrong with this behavior, but one thing is worth affirming, they must know which people are good bullies and "pick soft persimmon pinches".
Deep down, they always believe that hurting loved ones does not have to pay a big price, and that confrontation with outsiders is likely to pay a heavy price.
Sometimes, a man looks like he respects his wife on the surface, but in fact he only cares about his opinion and does not respect his wife.
Just like one of the "nest heng" men in the show, the final mediation time is sixty seconds, he said fifty-three seconds in one breath, and there was no chance for the woman to express at all, so in the end the woman did not choose him again.
In marriage, if you blindly occupy all the initiative, you will lose a beautiful relationship.
A few days ago, I saw that some netizens said the story of her and her ex-husband:
After she married her ex-husband, she found that her ex-husband always curried over friends, but never treated her well. Every time she quarrels with her ex-husband, she doesn't think she's at fault, or even dislikes her, often coming home late or not coming home.
Later, she couldn't bear it anymore and divorced her ex-husband.
A few years later, she heard from her ex-husband again and found out that he had remarried, but soon divorced again.
It turned out that even if he remarried, his ex-husband was still "in the nest", and the marriage broke down again.
In fact, if you want a long-term marriage relationship, you need to put each other in an important position in your heart. Just because your wife is the person she knows best, you can do whatever you want, and don't think it's okay to think that your wife will never leave.
In this world, no one will spend their whole lives with a person who does not respect himself or cherish himself.
In a marriage relationship, both of them will have their own tempers, and short-term quarrels are inevitable. But if you only lose your temper with your wife, even the best relationship will be destroyed.
02The more "nest cross", the more incompetent
Some time ago, I saw a story:
The woman has been married to her husband for 30 years. Outside, my husband has always been a very moralistic person, and his friends praised him for his good temper.
But when he returned home, the husband vented his worst temper on his wife.
He either coldly accused women, or lost his temper to curse women as waste, and did not allow women to have any objections.
In reality, this kind of "nest horizontal" behavior of "throwing candy to passers-by and aiming guns at family members" occurs from time to time in the marriages of many middle-aged couples.
They didn't have a good job, and they would only apologize when they were scolded by their bosses, but as soon as they got home, they became angry and vented at their wives.
They will also pretend to be very powerful in front of outsiders, but behind the scenes, they will not allow their families to question him.
As everyone knows, the more bad a person has a bad attitude towards his wife, the easier it is to lose the trust of others.
Because everyone is not a fool, maybe you can pretend to be humble and polite in front of outsiders, but once they find out that your attitude towards your wife is so bad, they will think you are hypocritical.
And a hypocritical person is naturally difficult to take on a big task.
The Satya Family Therapy Model has analyzed:
"A person who is in the nest has a flattering personality that is strong externally and an accusatory personality that is weak internally, so that his heart will achieve balance."
in a word. Men who have no ability, their inner emotions are difficult to relieve, and they will need an outlet.
They know that the closest to them are parent, marital and parent-child relationships. These relationships are the strongest and safest, and there is no stress in releasing emotions.
Other friendships, classmates, strangers, and so on. If these relationships are not intimate, the more unstable and insecure they will be, and the less likely they will be to show their true feelings.
So they found the natural punching bag of "home", and their wife became their target.
If you are very observant, you can find that women who are particularly kind and virtuous in marriage often become the target of such men.
And in fact, the more good at such a man to his wife, the more incapable, he does not dare to vent to the outside, only dares to be the bully at home, but the more he is the bully at home, the less he will improve his ability, the more he is outside.
03The more capable the man, the more "strict wife management"
Saw a quote on the Internet:
"The more useless the man, the more he likes arrogance at home, and the more useful the man, the more respectful he is at home."
Many people have a stereotype that men with "strict wife control" are useless and dense.
In fact, many successful people are "strict wife management", and the more such a relationship, the happier the marriage and family.
Sha Yi once participated in an event with Liu Yan, and the photographer asked Sha Yi to get closer to Liu Yan to "pose a pose".
But Sha Yi smiled and declined, turned around and left. He said: "I am afraid that there will be a scandal, and my wife will not be happy. ”
When everyone saw this scene, they all laughed and couldn't keep their mouths shut.
Although it is bluntly said in front of the camera that "afraid of his wife" will be easily laughed at, men with skills will not care.
You know, the wiser a man, the more he knows how to respect, love and cherish his wife.
In the movie "Ip Man", it is said:
"There are no men in the world who are afraid of their wives, only men who respect their wives."
The so-called "strict wife management" is actually generous, and the care for his wife is doubled.
Dai Jianye, a professor at Central China Normal University, is exactly like this.
At first, Dai Jianye and his wife did not agree with each other, often "a small quarrel a day, a big quarrel for three days".
Until one day, the two had another big quarrel, and Dai Jianye was so angry that he didn't even eat dinner and slammed the door.
But when he came home late at night and found that the food was still hot, he felt his wife's love for him and regretted that he had been angry with his wife.
Since then, Dai Jianye has willingly transformed into a "strict wife" and is almost obedient to his wife.
And this "concession", he found that his wife also became understanding.
Then, after 30 years of affection and love, Dai Jianye's marriage became more and more harmonious, and his career became more and more smooth.
As the saying goes: home and all things prosper.
A man's fortune star is his wife's star, and the more harmonious the marriage relationship, the more fortune can roll in.
Truly successful people will be more tolerant and cherished when they reach middle age.
People who are willing to be "strict wife management" will have a stable and happy marriage, and a prosperous career and family.
04 Mei Niang said
There is an old Chinese saying:
"The wife is so close, like a drum."
People who are good to their wives in life will have a more harmonious family and a smoother career.
Those who can only "nest and cross" will have resentment at home and are easily hurt and angry.
A happy marriage is "husband and wife with one heart, and their profits are broken".
Walking to middle age, tasting the bittersweet and bitter of life along the way, leaving behind a chicken feather, or happiness, the truth lies in the relationship between husband and wife.
In the vast sea of people, the combination of two encounters and acquaintances is fate, may there be fewer "nested" men in the world, and more "wife management" who love their wives and cherish marriage.
You know: men who have no skills are "in the nest", and men with skills are "strict wife management".
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