Where does the sense of security of adults come from? Reading it may make it possible for you to continue to believe in love

People in this world must not rely on anyone, on the one hand, others may not really care about you, on the other hand, in fact, everyone is struggling in the dark and has long been unable to take care of themselves.

When we were children, we relied on our parents, but under the generation gap, they always customized our lives with the experience of people who came over, they did not understand, did not understand, and felt that there was no need to waste energy arguing with their children, so we who had been lacking in security, so we have been on the road to finding a sense of security, and eventually we will pin the only and heaviest hope on love.

Maybe everyone has the misconception that as long as you find true love, you can get a sense of security, but if you think so, then this life is doomed to be let down.

Life is a one-way trip, no one will, and no one can be with you forever.

Relay companionship allows us to gain a sense of security in a lonely journey for a short time, but the real sense of security always comes from our own strength, not whether we have found true love. Instead of looking for someone to umbrella for yourself in the vast sea of people, it is better to become your own eaves and become your own harbor.

Security stems from independent thinking and judgment

I think you must have seen such people, and even once you were a similar person.

Listening to the parents' arrangements, everything can not be decided and judged alone, the giant baby may not necessarily be 100% old, there are also inner strong enough, over-reliant on everything.

Life, old age, illness and death are the norm of life, and no matter how much parents love us, they will leave one step earlier than their children. So even if their thinking is avant-garde and correct, they simply cannot substitute for you to judge at every point in their lives.

Security stems from the strength to survive independently

We are afraid of the sudden departure of our lover, in fact, it is not simply a deep love, but not confident enough, not confident that we can have the charm of tying him (her), and lack the ability to live alone, and we will be worried about the change of that person's attitude in the interaction.

People who regard marriage as a safe haven usually experience the sadness of house leakage and overnight rain in this life, because once they enter marriage, they will understand that many times, the person you counted on at the beginning may be the source of the wind and rain.

Good marriage, quality couples, the most taboo is one-sided dependence, when your emotions, survival basically depends on each other to be better, then it is difficult to get a sense of security in this life.

In fact, sometimes the reason why we are disappointed and feel uneasy about our lover may not necessarily be that the other party has done any substantial harm, but the attitude and behavior let us identify the fear and uneasiness about the future, especially when this person leaves, it may bring about a sudden change in life.

So it's not that love has changed, it's that our hearts are different.

The greatest sense of security of adults is that they have the ability, the other party is in and out, will not affect your quality of life, but also have the capital to start over, and the size of your survival strength, but also determines the loyalty of the other party, and the attitude of respect, only if you are good enough, you can be regarded as a treasure.

Dependence fuels the other party's sense of superiority, consumes their own value, is looked down upon for a long time, when self-esteem is gone, where there may still be a sense of security.

Adults learn to be a source of their own sense of security

The writer Sanmao once said: "The heart is like a thousand and one thousands of miles, and there is no boat that can cross people, except for self-crossing, others cannot help it." ”

The only thing that can change one's destiny is oneself. Learn to be your own ferryman, so that you can reach the other shore without fear of the wind and waves.

The weak are always looking for excuses, reasons, waiting to be redeemed, but if they do not learn to save themselves, they can only be engulfed by the relentless torrent, and no one can become anyone's savior.

The lack of security is to put it bluntly, the lack of inner strength, and it is far more effective to improve yourself than to ask for love and care from the outside.

Where does the sense of security come from?

Paul G and Sun Xiangdong's book "Security" says that one of the signs of important others is that he is unique, and if many other people are equal to him and can be referred to by the word "friend", then he is not an important other. The person we seem to be looking forward to when we turn around is our important other.

There is an invisible connection between us and important others, and not only do we flash back to that person or those people at the first moment, but they are themselves part of the "me", and our words and behaviors, ways of thinking, and feeling patterns all carry their shadows.

In other words, the premise of our being respected and loved is that we first gain the ability to survive, and when we are strong enough, we reduce the feeling of uneasiness, because we have the ability to solve problems, and we will not suffer from loss and worry about possible accidents and uneasiness.

Regarding the results of insecurity, the author says that people can enjoy an exciting, peaceful, and pleasant life, which is a manifestation of a sense of security; all the problems that people encounter in adulthood are variations, externalizations, and generalizations of the initial insecurity. The simple understanding is that if you have insecurity, it is difficult for you to enjoy a happy life, it is difficult to be loved, and it is easy to have psychological problems.

Therefore, the immediate disharmony, and even the pain felt, may not be simply the problem itself, but the emotions caused by their own uneasy situation, and it is difficult to live in harmony.

In the adult world, security is given by oneself, not by others. Learn to make an umbrella for yourself, even if the wind and rain appear at any time, can become a romantic mood.

The essence of growth is the process of undertaking, becoming a dependency on yourself and your family, and gradually reducing your sense of uneasiness.

END

Text/Relief Emotional Station

(Author: Xiao Yu, psychological counselor, focusing on the emotional field), good at the restoration of romantic relationships, marital contradictions and differences, and the healing of psychological trauma caused by the original ecological family. The lonely journey of life, listening to your grievances and pressures, helping visitors improve their skills in getting along with the sexes, saving their lovers, managing their feelings, and striving to become happier people.