Between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, there is a kind of hatred called "confinement revenge".
Between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, there is also a kind of grievance, called "You also came from your daughter-in-law before, why do you want to torture me now?" ”
The grievances and anger in the daughter-in-law's heart are for a reason:
"I got married to live a happy life, to give the best time of my life, I'm not here to make an awkward deal with an old lady I don't know."
You used to be the daughter-in-law of someone else's family, why don't you not only understand me and understand me now, but also have to do things with me? ”
In fact, the mother-in-law is also very aggrieved.
Spend most of his life, buy a house and a car for his son to give a bride price, after his son gets married and has children, he also has to help take his grandson and do housework... In the end, it was thankless and could not be recognized.
How could the mother-in-law's heart not be shocked?
Such two women, living together, it is difficult to achieve peace and harmony with each other. That's why people say "the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, far away and near smelly".
Although everyone knows that between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it is easy to be suspicious when they are too close, but many times, because of practical reasons, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have to live together.
Thus, contradictions inevitably arise.
01. Daughter-in-law confinement.
Netizen Ding Yi (pseudonym) did not live with her mother-in-law before she became pregnant, and although the relationship between them was not very harmonious, they also respected each other and maintained superficial harmony.
Later, she became pregnant, and her mother-in-law came to live.
Before the mother-in-law retired, she was a middle-level manager in the enterprise, with a relatively strong personality, and the big and small things in the family were all decided by her.
Ding Yi used to admire her mother-in-law's style of doing things, but when she really got along with her mother-in-law day and night, she felt pain and depression.
Especially during confinement, due to endocrine and other factors, she is somewhat sensitive and has greater mood swings. The mother-in-law's strong personality embodied in all corners of life made her mood worse.
Ding Yi had planned to ask for a sister-in-law, but the mother-in-law vetoed it.
The mother-in-law said that the so-called sister-in-law is essentially a mother who has brought several babies, has no culture, and cannot talk about professionalism at all, so why waste money.
Ding Yi was in a hurry at the time, but fortunately the tear was not very serious, but there was no milk, which made her suffer throughout the month.
"China on the Tip of the Tongue" said: "The traditional confinement meal, the mother-in-law provides the mother-in-law with food that promotes the daughter-in-law's milk; and the mother's family cooks for the girl, so that the wound can be restored as soon as possible." ”
Without milk, the baby can't eat enough and can't stop crying. The mother-in-law is very anxious, every day let her eat 6 meals, are some milk soup, such as papaya crucian carp soup, lamb chops pig's trotter soup, rice wine pork liver soup...
Ding Yi usually never eats lamb chops, pig trotters, pork liver, these things have a heavier taste, but for the sake of the baby, she has to eat hard scalp.
However, the papaya crucian carp soup is sweet, and there is no salt in the lamb chop and pig's trotter soup, only the disgusting meat taste...
02. The mother-in-law's efforts are not flattering.
In addition to 6 meals a day that are difficult to swallow, there are unknown Chinese medicines stewed by mother-in-law in the morning, middle and evening, and brown sugar water is always ready.
Ding Yi's mother has not yet retired, and specially asked for a week off to take care of her, but some of the soups made by her mother to promote the healing of wounds were all taken away by her mother-in-law, saying that she would block the milk when she ate it.
Later, mom paid to consult a confinement expert.
After listening to the experts' opinions, her mother deliberately went to find red beans, red dates, red goji berries, red skin peanuts, and brown sugar for her, and made "lower milk god soup" - five red soups.
Mom knew she liked to eat mustard and added some soy sauce.
Who knows, the mother-in-law directly took the soup away on the grounds that confinement could not eat the real thing, and even counted down a few words from her mother.
Ding Yi's personality is the same as her mother's, kind and docile, but seeing her mother being bullied, she can't bear it anymore and argues with her mother-in-law.
Mom was worried that she and her mother-in-law had a conflict, so she went back early the next day. Before leaving, she told her not to be angry with people during the confinement period, and the most important thing was to raise her body.
In the days that followed, Ding Yi lived like a year, feeling very tired at every moment--that kind of double physical and mental exhaustion.
03. Send a video complaining.
The mother-in-law saw that the baby was getting thinner and thinner, and went to ask the doctor.
The doctor said that the mother's milk was insufficient, and she could replace it with milk powder, and the mother-in-law, who had been insisting on breastfeeding, was convinced and turned around to buy milk powder.
After the baby is full, she no longer tosses, Ding Yi's life is slightly better, but in terms of diet, she is still miserable.
The mother-in-law ate 6 meals a day, no matter what the ingredients, did not add salt, stewed rotten, she ate almost collapsed. She asked her husband to come forward and tell her mother-in-law that it was useless; it was useless to give advice to her face.
In terms of life, the mother-in-law is also a variety of strong interference.
She lay for a long time, her back was sore, she wanted to sit and feed, but her mother-in-law had to make her lie down; she was bored, she looked at the mobile phone for a while, and her mother-in-law did not let her, saying that it was not good for the eyes, and the opponent joints were not good...
The list goes on and on. She can only complain to her husband, but the number of complaints is more, and her husband is also annoyed, blaming her for many things, and saying that her mother-in-law is for her own good, and endure for a few days.
On the 28th day of confinement, Ding Yi finally broke out.
That day, she posted a video on the social platform complaining about the "paste" confinement meals, as well as some chicken and dog fragments during confinement.
On this account, none of her in-laws' relatives were added. Therefore, the video is a bit exaggerated; in the comment area, her remarks about the relationship between her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are somewhat arrogant.
Who knows one of the videos, many people feel the same after watching it, they have forwarded it, and finally it was transmitted to their mother-in-law.
After watching the video and the comments below, the mother-in-law jumped like a thunderbolt, saying that she did not understand gratitude, worked hard to serve her confinement, but thanklessly...
The city gate caught fire, affecting the pond fish. The mother-in-law under the anger, who scolds whom at home, the home is a chicken feather.
After her husband was scolded by his mother-in-law, he became angry with her and complained to her: "You don't know what to do, quickly delete the video." ”
Even her father-in-law, who has always been good-natured, asked her to delete the video.
Ding Yi was completely open-minded and made a big fuss regardless of it. That night, she packed up her things and took her children with her parents who had heard about it.
04. Understanding and communication are more important than right and wrong.
There is a line in "The World of Man": "The contradictions between relatives cannot be completely treated as right and wrong." ”
The same is true of the contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Many times, there are only differences in positions, there is no absolute right or wrong, rather than arguing about right and wrong, it is better to think in a different position.
However, empathy is an ability that not everyone can have.
So, how to resolve the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? In fact, the best way is to communicate. The so-called communication is not to blame the other party's fault, but to express their own needs.
Blaming the other party will lead to disputes and confrontations; expressing needs will let the other party understand your feelings, and also give the other party a chance to serve your needs.
However, communication between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is difficult.
Because of an era, there are often huge differences between the two sides in terms of living habits, values, and ways of thinking, and communication is like thousands of mountains and rivers.
At this time, men need to stand up.
Because, men live with their mothers for a long time, whether it is lifestyle or values, they are relatively close. Moreover, there is both an emotional basis and a blood relationship between mother and child, and it is relatively easy to communicate.
Similarly, communication between a man and his wife is normally easier, after all, the relationship between husband and wife is the most intimate relationship in the world.
If men can put themselves in the right position between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, make a good bridge of communication, between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, there will not be so many things.
If you want family harmony, you must remember that in family relationships, understanding and communication are always more important than right and wrong.