He Yu met Song Zelin at his girlfriend's wedding, and at this time, Song Zelin changed the indifference and ruthlessness when he broke up, and his eyes were full of remorse and reluctance.
Men can't let go of their ex-girlfriend, but because they remember her good. But He Yu couldn't imagine that she had lost Song Zelin precisely because she was "too good".
He Yu's "good".
When Song Zelin proposed to break up, He Yu once described their ten-year relationship as follows:
"I can't do it without being strong, I don't care if you can do it, so many years your parents have birthdays, do you remember?" Aren't they all flowers that I sent? Do you remember my parents' birthdays... You snore louder than thunder when you sleep at night, have you brushed your teeth after drinking coffee at night, have you gone to the toilet and lifted up the toilet ring, you have quarreled with me for so many years, we have been cold war, have you taken the initiative to talk to me, ten years... I've put up with all these shortcomings of yours. ”
Such a Rain is very distressing and enviable.
The heartache is because she has given too much in this relationship. I envy her because she is really good, so good that it is difficult to find with a lantern.
But such a good girl, how could Song Zelin be willing to break up? Yes, the appearance of Tang Rui is a factor, but that can only be counted as an external factor. The failure of a relationship, no matter what kind of external causes, needs certain internal factors as a premise, if the feelings of two people are impenetrable, no matter how others destroy it, it will not help.
The reason why Song Zelin broke up with He Yu so easily was because he already had too much dissatisfaction with He Yu in his heart. What is even more ironic is that those efforts that He Yu thinks, her good, are precisely where Song Zelin is dissatisfied.
Song Zelin, a person with a soft personality, does not have much courage, and does not see too strong ability, but the more such a man, the stronger his self-esteem is often. You occasionally take care of him a little, help him make some decisions, it may not be too much of a problem, but if you take care of everything for him, let him listen to you, for a long time, he will be unbearable.
This seems to be a bit of a blessing in the blessing, but if you think about it carefully, you can understand, but all men want to be strong, at least useful, you don't need him to participate in anything, he has no sense of existence in this relationship or this family, of course, he will not be happy.
And He Yu is a person who does not even need Song Zelin's participation in planning the future, she works hard and wants to buy a house and then marry Song Zelin, so that they can be happy in the future, but she never cared about Song Zelin's thoughts. In life, she also takes care of Song Zelin in every detail, which is more like a mother raising a son, rather than a girlfriend considerate of her boyfriend.
It is these "good" of He Yu that makes Song Zelin feel that he does not have a sense of existence in this relationship, and he has been pandering to He Yu, just because there is no one better than He Yu, once this person appears, it is time for them to break up.
Song Zelin's "scum".
To put it bluntly, although Song Zelin and He Yu have been together for ten years, in Song Zelin's heart, He Yu has long been regarded as a "spare tire". From this point of view, Song Zelin, a man, is indeed very "scum". There can be several decades in life, and a girl's precious youth is thus consumed.
But in love and marriage, we need to face up to the truth that whether an intimate relationship can last is not only in the feelings of both parties, but also in whether there is a better "alternative".
It's not fair to the other side, but that's how human nature is. If two people have a good relationship, we may not pay attention to whether there is a better person around us, or we will not feel that others will be better than their lovers, but once one of the two people in the relationship feels uncomfortable, at this time, he will unconsciously pay attention to the temptation of the outside world.
Therefore, before Tang Rui did not appear, song Zelin maintained this relationship even if he was not satisfied with He Yu. Assuming that Tang Rui has not appeared, and there is no other girl around him that makes him feel better, he is likely to really marry He Yu, but whether he can be happy after marriage is another matter.
This is also a very important factor that we usually see, two people who are obviously not so in love but are married, or two people who are obviously unhappy but still make it together. Not because they are reluctant to change, but because there is no better option for them to change.
For Song Zelin, the appearance of Tang Rui is a very important opportunity. Tang Rui is gentle and knows how to show weakness, dependent and uns clingy, and he is still young, and he has a certain admiration for Song Zelin. Song Zelin, who has long been dissatisfied with his girlfriend's excessive strength, will inevitably feel that Tang Rui is a better choice.
When I say this, I am not excusing Song Zelin, and Song Zelin's "scum" is an objective fact.
What I want to say is that under the premise that the two of them have this emotional state and Song Zelin's own personality as an internal factor, even if they do not meet Tang Rui, they will still leave He Yu when they meet another girl in the future. Even if he couldn't meet anyone and really married He Yu, their marriage was very likely to be unhappy.
Therefore, although Song Zelin is "slagged", He Yu's "good" is not perfect. For He Yu, she can only truly get her happiness if she learns how to pay correctly in her feelings.
How to pay correctly?
I have seen many women, especially women in marriage, who always take care of everything in their husbands, from helping their husbands to fight for a job of their choice, helping their husbands maintain interpersonal relationships, as small as what clothes their husbands wear every day, squeezing toothpaste and putting up slippers, etc., all without the husband himself.
Is such a wife good? Very good. But every time you quarrel, this often happens: the wife complains about her hard work, the husband is hard to do, you are self-inflicted, I did not ask you to do this, and you will make me depressed and suffocated.
This is actually the result of the wife's failure to give correctly.
When a woman marries a man, you first have to make it clear that the two of you are equal, that you are both adults, that you are both self-reliant, and that you don't always want to take care of your husband like you would take care of your children. In a short period of time, the man may feel very happy, and after a long time, he will feel that you are actually controlling him.
Even some women with strong personalities, after the other party expressed their feelings, she also felt that the other party was ignorant, everything she did was for his own good, he should accept and obey unconditionally. In this way, it is difficult for feelings not to have problems.
Girls must remember that whether we are in love or marriage, we must correct the mentality, not that the more you give the other party will love you, and it is not that what you do is to be good for each other, you must accept, feelings are two people's business, pay is also two people's business, only to achieve balance, both sides can feel comfortable.
You can take care of your lover's food, clothing, and shelter, but there are some things that need to be decided by yourself, and you must respect the other person's ideas. For example, you can help him iron his clothes, but which set of clothes to wear, or let him decide for himself, unless he takes the initiative to ask for your opinion.
A good relationship requires a certain sense of proportion, otherwise, you have to be "too good" and will only achieve the effect of "too much".
About the author: Meet and miss, a woman who likes to read and write, focusing on the creation of articles in the emotional field and the analysis and answer of emotional questions, I hope that my words can accompany you warmly forward.