Yesterday watched the recently very popular TV series "Dear Child", saw a lot of friends in the bullet screen saying, watched a good depression, after watching more afraid of marriage and childbearing, even the official media have been criticized, saying that it is dog blood, selling anxiety.
In the play, the light is dim, the atmosphere is depressed, and the children are always crying, which makes people nervous and anxious.
Everyone is very kind, all are good people, they all really love their children, and they pay a lot for their children, but the contradictions and conflicts are constant, and the considerate father who cares for the family has actually cheated.
The most shocking thing is that the child has grown up a little in the chicken flying dog jump, and when everyone thinks they can breathe a sigh of relief, they have a terminal illness.
Then divorced and separate men and women, in order to save the child had to have a second child together...
Therefore, out of the consideration of the overall situation, the official media said that it seemed inevitable to sell anxiety.
But many netizens retorted that reality is more bloody than TV series, and TV series only carry anxiety, but do not sell anxiety.
Indeed, art comes from life, life is full of all kinds of trivial dog blood conflicts, and the TV series only concentrates the conflicts with limited pictures.
Therefore, this anxiety of contemporary life babies is real, so some netizens said: "It seems that a camera has been installed in my home." ”
Maybe many people are in a better situation than tv dramas, but there are also many people who are the same or worse than TV series.
For women of childbearing age, having a baby may face the following pressures:
1. Body pressure changes
The first long shot in the play is Fang Yinuo's pregnancy melasma, stretch marks, skinny but quite heavy, in front of the mirror to cry without tears.
Sacrificing the pleasure and sleep of eating spicy, the embarrassment of tearing the heart and lungs during childbirth and postpartum incontinence, and various physical discomforts make people feel related.
Some people also have more serious pregnancy reactions, labor pain, more difficult postpartum recovery, postpartum body shape aberration, etc., some people will be more smooth, but pain and challenges are inevitable.
2. Mental stress
On the one hand, mental stress comes from the fatigue of taking care of children, the anxiety of not taking good care of children, and severe and even postpartum depression;
On the other hand comes from changes in family relations.
Raising children can be a huge challenge for the whole family. Everyone has to give it their all.
I think the performance of the family in the play is above the passing line, such as Xiao Lu's thoughtfulness to Yinuo before the birth of the child, the mediation between his wife and mother after the birth of the child, and the distress of suffering from two sides;
Xiao Lu's mother quit smoking for her children and sacrificed her hobby of playing mahjong;
Yinuo's mother even retired early and concentrated on being a nanny.
But no one is perfect, and people with very different personalities get together, friction is constant, and chicken feathers are everywhere.
Even the most important relationship between husband and wife is in crisis.
At the same time, career development is also very helpless because of the stranding of the baby.
3. Economic pressure
The pressure in the show doesn't highlight this, but it's a problem that most people in real life have to face.
Having a baby basically means a shrinking income and a sharp increase in expenditure. The quality of life will also decline.
So, many women constantly ask: Why have children? What is the point of having children?
Like Fang Yinuo, how tired he is, why should he beg for food?
Isn't it fragrant for yourself and your other half, Dink, to read poetry hand in hand and from afar?
Or is it a crane that is determined to be alone and idle, isn't it also very free and free?
Why be a slave to selfish genes and take your own happy life?
Some people say, I can't live this life myself, why should one more little person come out and suffer?
To be honest, I've been thinking about this a lot.
I don't like children, I just think the baby is very cute, and I like kittens and stuffed dogs, that's all.
There was no strong motherhood that drove me to nurture a new life.
There are many beautiful and poetic reasons on the Internet, such as: "In order to participate in the growth of a life, there is no need to fight for me, no need to pass on the generations for me, and there is no need to help me retire." I just want this life to exist, to walk in this beautiful world, and to give me the opportunity to walk with him for a while..."
But for me, who is more rational and selfish by nature, this is a bowl of real chicken soup.
But I still gave birth, and gave birth to both.
When I was a boss, I didn't know that I had to face many life problems, but I just felt that the time had come, so I would give birth to a baby and play.
My experience was not as tragic as Fang Yinuo's, and the physical pain, family conflicts and economic pressures were average, within the scope of what could be borne.
The second child was born because the poor boss was lonely, although he understood that he would suffer at the time, but thought that the second child would be easier, plus the scars forgot the pain, so he gave birth to another one.
But unexpectedly, as they grew up, bigger challenges lay ahead.
So in the exhaustion again and again, I fell into confusion again and again.
But now, I've finally found a reason to reassure me.
The reason is simple, because I am an ordinary person.
1, because I am an ordinary person, I do not have the courage to stand up to the pressure of public opinion.
I don't want to live under the pressure of constant questioning from others and the urge from my elders.
And even if I make up my mind to bear this pressure, there is no guarantee that I will not regret this decision in the future.
And having a child is not something you want to be born to give birth to, the time and place are favorable and indispensable, it is likely that after this village there will be no more shops.
So I have to bear not only the pressure of public opinion, but also the anxiety of swaying left and right, such a life is not so free, but very torn.
So I need children to live the life that the whole world goes through.
2) Because I am an ordinary person, I can't enjoy absolute loneliness, and I also need to establish intimate relationships with others.
I need a partner, and when the aura of love fades, it will be a little strange not to have children, and the establishment of a parent-child relationship at the right time will be on the agenda.
I found that a new life's attachment to itself is indeed a wonderful thing, especially when looking at their sleeping little faces, unprecedented tenderness will arise in the heart.
Although there are many worries, in this disturbed world, this is the worldly life I want.
I keep giving, and I continue to accept the efforts of my husband and children, they need me, I need them, I live with concern and meaning, with goals and motivation.
3, because I am an ordinary person, so my life will inevitably be full of difficulties and obstacles, no children do not mean a smooth road.
Scott Pike, in his book The Road Few People Take: A Journey of Mental Maturity, begins by saying, "Life is full of suffering. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths in the world. Its greatness lies in the fact that once we understand the true meaning of this sentence, we can be freed from suffering and achieve transcendence in life. As long as we truly understand and accept the fact that life is full of suffering, then we will be relieved and will no longer dwell on the suffering of life. ”
So don't blame children for causing us suffering, but life is what it is. In the process of raising children, we can continue to cut through thorns, constantly break through ourselves and grow, and meet better selves.
4) Because I am an ordinary person, when my partner and I grow older, we will need more and more children to rely on.
Watching the TV series "Heavenly Dao" a long time ago, Ding Yuanying criticized his mother's idea of "raising children and preventing old age" as a selfish exchange rather than selfless love.
At the time, I thought so.
But now I think that "raising children and preventing old age" is not selfish, but reality, a neutral word, not a derogatory word.
We do not regard children as tools to prevent aging, whether children prevent aging or not, we will pour all our love and responsibility.
At the same time hoping that they can comfort our old age, just hope, is not moral kidnapping.
So, now, my heart has been calmed.
Here, I would like to emphasize that I am only expressing my own thoughts, and I am not promoting and encouraging everyone to have children.
In such a big thing as having a baby, everyone can have their own choices, and I respect everyone's choices.
In addition, it is important to be prepared to become a qualified parent if you choose to be born, so that your children can grow up in a loving environment.
(Image source network and TV series "Dear Child" invaded and deleted)